Best cities for a mid-thirties single woman: international edition
November 30, 2013 7:38 AM Subscribe
I asked this question recently: best cities for a mid thirties single woman, and got lots of awesome answers about US cities (thank you!). I'm wondering the same about some cities outside the US (I have a few specific ones in mind).
In my earlier question, I explained that my experience dating in NYC has been that there are way more women than men (and the men know they have tons of choices), and both genders are typically on the lookout for someone better (younger, prettier, richer, whatever) rather than happily forming a relationship with the person in front of them.
I'm wondering if these things are true of dating in cities outside the US. I am specifically wondering about: London, Paris, Rome, Zurich, Barcelona, Dublin, and Sydney. If you've lived in any of those places and could share your experiences - and whether you feel the dating scene there is similar to what I described in NYC, or whether it would be a good choice for a mid-thirties woman looking to date - it would be much appreciated. Thanks again.
In my earlier question, I explained that my experience dating in NYC has been that there are way more women than men (and the men know they have tons of choices), and both genders are typically on the lookout for someone better (younger, prettier, richer, whatever) rather than happily forming a relationship with the person in front of them.
I'm wondering if these things are true of dating in cities outside the US. I am specifically wondering about: London, Paris, Rome, Zurich, Barcelona, Dublin, and Sydney. If you've lived in any of those places and could share your experiences - and whether you feel the dating scene there is similar to what I described in NYC, or whether it would be a good choice for a mid-thirties woman looking to date - it would be much appreciated. Thanks again.
My experience dating in Dublin (as an American woman, in my 20s) was that it was incredibly, stunningly easy (compared to the various places I'd lived on the west coast). If you just want a year of fun dating, I'd highly recommend Ireland.
That said, is your long-term goal just dating? Or do you want to settle down with someone? If its the latter, you're going to need to consider the very real cultural differences that might make it difficult to settle down with someone in a different country, particularly if you want to end up moving back to the U.S. You might meet awesome people who have vastly different expectations about how much time adults spend with their families, the role of religion in their life, where one lives if a family member is ill, etc. just something to think about.
posted by leitmotif at 8:17 AM on November 30, 2013 [4 favorites]
That said, is your long-term goal just dating? Or do you want to settle down with someone? If its the latter, you're going to need to consider the very real cultural differences that might make it difficult to settle down with someone in a different country, particularly if you want to end up moving back to the U.S. You might meet awesome people who have vastly different expectations about how much time adults spend with their families, the role of religion in their life, where one lives if a family member is ill, etc. just something to think about.
posted by leitmotif at 8:17 AM on November 30, 2013 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: @leitmotif: I would like to get married and have kids.
posted by sunflower16 at 9:51 AM on November 30, 2013
posted by sunflower16 at 9:51 AM on November 30, 2013
Whatever you do, don't move to Sydney. My single friends describe it much as you have NYC. In fact one of my 30something single friends (ex model, no less) told me she's literally never been asked on a date by a man. She says men here don't need to ask, women are so desperate they do all the chasing so the men just get lazy and go through ladies like underwear, because there's always an even more attractive one coming along. Gah. Good luck.
posted by Jubey at 12:28 PM on November 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Jubey at 12:28 PM on November 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
I lived in Sydney for five years. These are all generalisations, but I would say:
- looks are important there. A lot of people are tanned and fit and love the beach and sport and the gym, and clothing is skimpy. It can be very appearance-focused.
- as in London, people tend to stick with their comfortable existing social groups from school or work, and it can hard to break into those groups as an outsider.
- random chit chat to strangers is less acceptable, but probably not quite as verboten as in London.
- it is a fun, party-loving city. There are lots of opportunities for going out and meeting people, particularly if you like pubs, bars and music festivals.
posted by reshet at 12:31 PM on November 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
- looks are important there. A lot of people are tanned and fit and love the beach and sport and the gym, and clothing is skimpy. It can be very appearance-focused.
- as in London, people tend to stick with their comfortable existing social groups from school or work, and it can hard to break into those groups as an outsider.
- random chit chat to strangers is less acceptable, but probably not quite as verboten as in London.
- it is a fun, party-loving city. There are lots of opportunities for going out and meeting people, particularly if you like pubs, bars and music festivals.
posted by reshet at 12:31 PM on November 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
If you are American and not a former super-model, you are going to find anywhere in Europe quite difficult to approach (concerning dating). After university, people are not very open to meeting people from outside their existing circles. And though many people in their thirties are not married, compared to the same age-group in the US, they are in serious relationships.
In any of the cities you mentioned, you might meet other ex-pats, though.
posted by mumimor at 1:26 PM on November 30, 2013
In any of the cities you mentioned, you might meet other ex-pats, though.
posted by mumimor at 1:26 PM on November 30, 2013
Seriously consider where your family lives and how much plane tickets are between there and the new city. I live in Sydney, and the 2k per person price ticket to California bites. The other issue is that I now spend all my vacation time/money going to my hometown. I love my family, but I hate my hometown. Sigh...
Also what Mumimor said... you may meet expats from who knows where. I met my Australian husband in Japan. You may not end up where you expect. Does this sound fun and exciting?
posted by jrobin276 at 2:09 PM on November 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
Also what Mumimor said... you may meet expats from who knows where. I met my Australian husband in Japan. You may not end up where you expect. Does this sound fun and exciting?
posted by jrobin276 at 2:09 PM on November 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
I think Rome is a bad idea. They do get married late, but the culture of dating is different than in the States, with more acrimony between the genders than we've got. I did not know many happy couples there, and I knew a lot more cheating couples than I've ever been aware of in the States. (Though that could just be that Romans cheat more overtly than San Franciscans, New Yorkers et al -- not sure.) I also encountered a lot more of the virgin/whore thing there than I have anywhere else -- there are virtuous women and sluts, ya know? In general a great place for friendship and an upsetting place for dating, for a US woman, in my opinion.
Though one caveat: in my experience, women continue to be treated as sexually viable in Roman culture longer than they do in most American culture. There is a phenomenon of fur-coated dyed-red-hair matrons having extramarital flings with twentysomething guys on scooters. But that doesn't really get you anywhere if what you're looking for is to settle down and get hitched.
posted by feets at 6:12 PM on November 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
Though one caveat: in my experience, women continue to be treated as sexually viable in Roman culture longer than they do in most American culture. There is a phenomenon of fur-coated dyed-red-hair matrons having extramarital flings with twentysomething guys on scooters. But that doesn't really get you anywhere if what you're looking for is to settle down and get hitched.
posted by feets at 6:12 PM on November 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
My Sydney friends always complain that all the men there are either taken already or gay. Having said that, they all seem to have very active social lives and good friend circles - just not much dating going on.
posted by andraste at 11:43 PM on November 30, 2013
posted by andraste at 11:43 PM on November 30, 2013
If you want to go based on data rather than anecdotes, here are some places to start:
Cities by Gender Ratio
Economics of Sex Ratios
posted by vegetableagony at 10:00 AM on December 10, 2013
Cities by Gender Ratio
Economics of Sex Ratios
posted by vegetableagony at 10:00 AM on December 10, 2013
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I can tell you though that I lived in London for a year and it felt more like you needed to be "introduced" to people first, much less random chit chat to strangers than is acceptable in NYC. However, that was just my experience.
I can also tell you that people are going to come in and say "it's not where you live" but again, living the same experience as you as a late 30's female in NYC...some of it is NYC, for SURE.
posted by bquarters at 7:49 AM on November 30, 2013