Shy men, give me some insight
September 5, 2013 10:08 AM Subscribe
I'm trying to get to know a shy guy. How to proceed?
posted by thank you silence to human relations (29 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I spend a fair amount of time doing Crossfit, and there's a guy there I find to be very attractive. He mostly keeps to himself and I'm not sure why, but I'm intrigued by him and would like to get to know him better.
I asked a trainer with whom I'm friendly about this guy, and he said he is "shy, probably to a fault." He also said the guy is awkward, which I find endearing. The other day, I was working out near shy guy and he actually initiated conversation and introduced himself to me. Then he sat across from me while we both rested and I asked him what he did for work and we made some idle chitchat about the gym being closed over the weekend and not being able to work out. He definitely seemed nervous and awkward, and then he sort of...just got up and went back to doing his own thing. I'm a reformed shy person, and although I generally don't mind approaching someone, every now and then I worry that I'm being super annoying and maybe the guy is trying to politely blow me off. Yesterday we were both at the gym again and passed each other while walking outside, and I made it a point to look at him, smile, and ask how he was doing. He met my eye contact, also smiled and asked how I was. Then when I left I walked right past him, waved and said goodbye. He looked a little startled, but then said goodbye as well.
I'm not someone who believes men must ALWAYS initiate flirting and dates, but I definitely feel there must be effort from both parties and right now I feel like I'm being super obvious that I'm into him, even though I'm probably not, but still. I'm not sure if I should keep making an effort because if he's shy, maybe it will just take him a little longer to come out of his shell. Or maybe he's just not into me at all and I'm wasting my time.
I have a feeling the overarching theme will be to ask him out specifically on a date, but I don't feel like I know him well enough to do so yet, or that we even have much in common besides crossfit. I'm also more interested in how shy guys perceive assertive women. How do you flirt? What signs does a shy guy give when he's interested? How do I know if he's truly interested, or just trying to be polite? If I go out of my way to try and make conversation with him and try to get to know him more, will that be scary for him?
We're both mid 20's if that helps. Thanks!