What's your online dating hit rate?
March 9, 2013 6:46 PM Subscribe
How often should I expect to not click with someone? How often should I expect to not hear from the person again?
posted by mermily to Human Relations (12 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
I just turned thirty and I ended a ~10 year relationship in April of last year. I have quite limited experience dating because I met my former boyfriend in college spontaneously and I didn't date much in high school. I went on about three dates since I broke up with the person and it feels like foreign terrain to figure out the expectations and subtexts and just the whole thing, really.
Anyway, two of the dates were with men I met online. In both cases, it wasn't like instant super-attraction but I thought they seemed like nice people who I'd have been open to getting to know better and seeing again. Anyway, nothing came of it in either case - The first date kind of ended abruptly after dinner and it was like, "Well.. That was fun. Have a good night! [Hug]" and I didn't hear from him again. I'd sent him an email the next day to say thanks for dinner, that I'd enjoyed meeting him, etc. In the second case, there's only been a week to over-analyze everything, but we did a bit of chatting over gmail and after he didn't ask me out Thursday for the weekend or beyond I figured I would most likely be cutting my losses on this one.
Anyway, I'm still trying to sort of figure out where I stand post- the big breakup in terms of one day having a successful love life (it's been optimistic so far, but I'm a bit worried about keeping it that way). I find the rejection part of online quite difficult, and wondering what it was, and not knowing. I was trying to decide how much to continue to pursue online dating, because I'm a bit afraid of going on, say, 15 unsuccessful first dates and then just not knowing where I stand. At one point should I start questioning my self-presentation or trying to figure out what I did wrong? 2 dates with that result in no second date? 15? What kind of hit rate should I realistically expect? I guess on some level it would make me feel better to know that it's normal to never hear from people again, but I don't know if that is normal? Advice?