Cunnilingus technique?

August 26, 2005 1:46 PM

How do I improve my cunnilingus technique? I do pretty well as it is but operate under the beliefs that a) it's something you can never be too good at and b) different people like different things, so I'd love to know new things to try. What do you like to do/like to have done to you?

I'm really asking this as a general question as I get the sense the whole community reads these things, but for what it's worth, I'm a man moving into a committed relationship. I like to give head and I've given plenty in my day, so simply saying "Be enthusiastic" is not really descriptive enough. (In case you didn't get it, I'm asking this as an analogue to the recent bj question.)

posted by anonymous to sports, hobbies, & recreation (31 comments total)

Read this my friend.
posted by purephase at 1:59 PM on August 26, 2005

That's the ever popular Vice guide, it's down but here's the cache
posted by geoff. at 2:01 PM on August 26, 2005

(1) Use your fingers to spread things apart (place arm around outside of (her) leg, hand coming down from her torso area, spread with 2 fingers)
(2) if your other hand isn't cold, touch her lightly elsewhere on her body while you're working away (legs, belly, underarm, etc., maybe hold her hand if that's what she likes)
(3) if the music isn't on too loud, moan and grunt to show you're enjoying yourself (don't pretend you're coming, just let her know you're enjoying yourself down there)
posted by mistersix at 2:25 PM on August 26, 2005

I don't have time to go into this in detail, but I will say: nipples are your friends. If I'm getting close, and my parter reaches up and gently pinches my nipples, it sends me over the edge. YMMV.
posted by Specklet at 3:35 PM on August 26, 2005

Avoid the clit at all costs until you start to tease it with rare tongue-brushes. Build anticipation in the cruellest way.

Also, avoid penetration (digitally or with your tongue, and definitely with your penis) until things have built to a writhing horny angst. Then tease appropriately, and pay off, all the while varying the oral noodling as much as possible.

More women have rated the moment of penetration, rather than the moment of orgasm, as their peak sexual moment during coitus, according to some study I read a while back. Use that.

Finally, voice/hum/moan every pleasure you feel to assure her you want to be there. No faking whatsoever.

Vary these elements according to the mood (and your/yall's emotional state) over time -- sometimes if she's really warmed up you go straight for her clitoris to bring her off, or else torture her even more than you would normally. Sometimes she needs warming up in the first place and you want to go slow, if at all...

This is all based on feedback, so YMMV, of course... The first order of the day is probably a simple "Explore."
posted by rleamon at 4:12 PM on August 26, 2005 [1 favorite]

I'm asking this as an analogue to the recent bj question.

For those who want to look at the answers given in that previous question, click here: "How do I improve my blowjob technique?", August 24, 2005.
posted by WestCoaster at 4:12 PM on August 26, 2005

On preview: One more thing: understand oxytocin. Ankles, calves, backs of knees, backs of thighs... Go.
posted by rleamon at 4:16 PM on August 26, 2005

Besides all the fun other stuff above, when it gets down to it, and your all up in the trenches (ha), one great thing to do is gently write out the alphabet with your tounge. It doesn't have to be the exact letters, and be sure to embellish some of the letters (esp. O and X, oddy (or not) enough). Works every time!
posted by Mach5 at 4:48 PM on August 26, 2005

s/oddy/oddly
posted by Mach5 at 4:52 PM on August 26, 2005

Here's a question for the girls... do you prefer a big tongue, as if licking an ice cream, or a pointy tongue as if rolling a pea along a table?
posted by skylar at 5:52 PM on August 26, 2005

Cunnilingus is overrated. There, I said it.

Don't get me wrong: it can certainly be verrrry enjoyable, but in my experience it's a good appetizer or side dish at best -- it'll never beat the entree or dessert. So all those women's mags that act like we all love it equally and that it's the best (if not only) way we can have orgasms are -- shockingly! -- full of crap. I say this because I've had fantastic partners who have felt that they're letting me down somehow (or just aren't good at it) because as much as I may enjoy it, it's never going to be at the top of my list of things to do in bed.

Having said that, here are my tips:

1. A little saliva goes a long way. Slippery is fun. Slobbery is a horror show.

2. Treat the clit as the sensitive creature it is. Sudden, direct, hard stimulation can make even the heartiest gals squirm (and not in a good way -- more a "get the fuck away from me!!!" way). Think light, flicking motions for straight-on direct contact; a firmer, steadier approach is more appropriate for slightly indirect stimulation.

3. The "use your hands/fingers" advice for blowjobs also applies here -- and not only the immediate region, but also the thighs, stomach, breasts, etc. If your paramour responds happily to having your finger(s) inside her, go for the g-spot. You can find it by sliding in your first two fingers, palm up, and making a gesture like you're motioning her to "come here." (I will leave it to others to make the obvious joke.)

On preview:

do you prefer a big tongue, as if licking an ice cream, or a pointy tongue as if rolling a pea along a table?

gee, skyler, neither description particularly makes me tingle (hee!), but I have to say that it depends. The broader "ice cream" strokes are good for general revving up; the "rolling the pea" strokes are good for more, um, goal-oriented efforts.
posted by scody at 6:00 PM on August 26, 2005 [1 favorite]

Oh, and also:

More women have rated the moment of penetration, rather than the moment of orgasm, as their peak sexual moment during coitus, according to some study I read a while back.

I find this really surprising. The moment of penetration is certainly its own unique moment of pleasure, but better than actually having an orgasm? No way. (Hmm...maybe most women have really mild orgasms...?)
posted by scody at 6:10 PM on August 26, 2005

More women have rated the moment of penetration...

Which is why a complete removal of the penis and reinsertion, repeated, seems have have had a positive effect on partners I have had.

YMMV, every woman, and every guy, is different.
posted by Kickstart70 at 7:00 PM on August 26, 2005

The best advice I can give is... develop sensitivity to your partner's reactions. Be aware that Monty Python were absolutely right when they said that you shouldn't go "stampeding for the clitoris". I've found that making gentle but firm circlings of the clit with the tip of your tongue goes down very well, if you'll pardon the whatever. But really, different women like different things. Listen to their bodies. Don't rush, don't push. Combine hands, fingers, tongue, lips, kisses, words... sex is an art, not a science. Be artistic.
posted by Decani at 7:39 PM on August 26, 2005

BBBQBB88||BB||BB||||BB88QQBB
posted by idiotfactory at 8:00 PM on August 26, 2005

Every woman is different, and you gotta learn 'em.
But: The advice I've been given is that "Your nose is for breathing, your mouth is for eating. You should be far enough in that your eyebrows come out wet."
posted by klangklangston at 8:50 PM on August 26, 2005

Best advice I've heard for oral sex... Lick the alphabet.
posted by daveqat at 9:31 PM on August 26, 2005

I tell you what, if I ever felt the alphabet, chum, old pal, old building and loan, you'd be walking home to your "Maxim" collection with your ginch in one hand before you even had time to dry off your chin.

No woman wants to feel like you're licking out a script or recipe you read somewhere.
posted by Sallyfur at 11:59 PM on August 26, 2005 [2 favorites]

Seconded. "Oh god, did he do the alphabet on you?" was a running joke amongst a group of my friends back in the day. It was shorthand for a guy who was operating under the delusion that he was a real stud in bed, but was actually pretty lame. The fact that it appears only to be men who suggest "licking the alphabet" in this thread may also tell you something.

Having said that, I find it sort of disheartening that more men than women have posted answers here. Come on, sister MeFites! Jump in! Don't let down our side!
posted by scody at 12:18 AM on August 27, 2005

Please, not the alphabet. We know it immediately. For me, pressure is key. Sucking is better than flicking. Keep it hard and keep it constant.

And for the love of your peter, do not stop every thirty seconds and ask, "How is it? Are you close?" You need to be prepared that it will take longer than five minutes; position yourself such that you are not looking at a clock. Make sure you're comfortable and nothing will be falling asleep.

If you honestly do not like the flavor, it's no reason to avoid it: get some edible lubricant. Not the edible creams that have sugar in them: those are the quickest way to a yeast infection. Make sure it is designed specifically for internal use.

But just as every man is different in his preference for a blow, every woman is different in her preferences. If you want to make it work, get to know her and follow her verbal and non-verbal cues. Be able to interpret her hip movements, her shudders, her groans, her "oh God"s.
posted by rhapsodie at 1:20 AM on August 27, 2005

Oh, and you have to enjoy it. If you only pretend, we will know and, if we do not end it, will not accomplish much of anything. Look at the pussy, appreciate the pussy, then kiss the pussy.
posted by rhapsodie at 1:28 AM on August 27, 2005

Dude, do the Cyrillic alphabet. That fools 'em! Just don't shag any Russians.
posted by Decani at 6:20 AM on August 27, 2005 [2 favorites]

rhapsodie writes "And for the love of your peter, do not stop every thirty seconds and ask, 'How is it? Are you close?'"

Awesome! You just made me choke on my OJ. Best line here in a while. Yes boys, don't keep asking for a progress report. Feeling like I'm racing against a kitchen timer to hurry up isn't ever going to work.
posted by fionab at 7:44 AM on August 27, 2005 [1 favorite]

This was the subject of a Savage Love column a few years ago. Someone had asked what women wanted during oral sex: one woman liked fingers inside, one didn't; one woman liked tongue inside, one didn't; one woman liked a lot of saliva, one didn't. But one woman wrote: Do NOT sing the alphabet song (another found it a turn-on)!

What it boiled down to is: ask your partner what she likes.
posted by brujita at 8:05 AM on August 27, 2005

This was the subject of a Savage Love column a few years ago.

Just last month, actually.
posted by Wet Spot at 1:18 PM on August 27, 2005

As noted in the first paragraph of the column, Savage has been doing classic repeats since he's on vacation. I was out of the US last month, so I didn't see the encore.
posted by brujita at 1:49 PM on August 27, 2005

Too bad there are so few women responding to this.
posted by OmieWise at 6:31 AM on August 28, 2005

Try a mutual self-stimulation session so you can check out your partner's techniques for herself.

And er, don't stop the moment she starts to come. She might like to surf the wave for a bit once she's reached the crest.
posted by orange swan at 6:57 PM on August 28, 2005

Put a pillow under her butt. It will help keep you from getting a crick in your neck, which means you'll enjoy it more, which means she will too.

And under no circumstances use the Pussy Snorkel.
posted by Vidiot at 9:50 PM on August 28, 2005

Dang, I was with a guy years ago who used to do the alphabet and since I had never heard about it before, thought he was a creative genius. Now I find out he was just a cliche???

And god bless you scody for saying what women never do: that some of us prefer it as an appetizer instead of the main course and don't consider it the be all and end all. Then again, I have a friend who dumped a guy she liked fine otherwise because he wouldn't go down on her, it was that important to her.
posted by CunningLinguist at 8:56 AM on August 30, 2005

what makes my girlfriend orgasm hard and long
is cleaning the house and putting the kids to bed
before
we connect
posted by patrickje at 2:30 PM on September 16, 2005