How do I improve my blowjob technique?
August 24, 2005 11:39 AM Subscribe
How do I improve my blowjob technique? I do pretty well as it is but operate under the beliefs that a) it's something you can never be too good at and b) different people like different things, so I'd love to know new things to try. What do you like to do/like to have done to you?
Stuff you probably need to know: I'm a girl, single, I get a lot of action. I post this question not because I don't have guy friends I can talk to about sex, because we do talk about it a lot, it's just that I don't want to know exactly what makes *them* tick. TMI between friends, you know. And I know you're already thinking it so: please be more helpful than "don't be afraid to use your hands"! I'm not, and I do. (If you're uncomfortable sharing with your username you can use anon.metafilter to email ask.mefi.bj(AT)dodgeit.com.)
Stuff you probably need to know: I'm a girl, single, I get a lot of action. I post this question not because I don't have guy friends I can talk to about sex, because we do talk about it a lot, it's just that I don't want to know exactly what makes *them* tick. TMI between friends, you know. And I know you're already thinking it so: please be more helpful than "don't be afraid to use your hands"! I'm not, and I do. (If you're uncomfortable sharing with your username you can use anon.metafilter to email ask.mefi.bj(AT)dodgeit.com.)
Well, I have become a fan of having my testicles sucked whilst the hands are busy. The right guy would like the occasional finger in the ass whilst the sucking is going on. I've found that the girls who can flatten their tongue and run it along the bottom of my penis while taking as much of the shaft as possible really get me going. That and flicking the tip of the penis with your (their?) tongue while looking up at me. Yikes. I should stop there.
posted by tr33hggr at 11:56 AM on August 24, 2005
posted by tr33hggr at 11:56 AM on August 24, 2005
Download the Paris Hilton video (the one in color) and the raw Brown Bunny footage with Rick Solomon. Don't treat it like a stranger in a strange land, but don't go slutty porn girl over it.
posted by geoff. at 11:57 AM on August 24, 2005
posted by geoff. at 11:57 AM on August 24, 2005
Biting can (sometimes) be fun. Scraping with your teeth along it is not so much.
Also, this might be a personal thing, but I've had far too many girls blow on the glans during a blowjob (after they've gotten it wet) under the assumption that it feels good. Honestly, can't really feel it.
"Using your hands" can me a lot of things, not only is there the penis, but testicles and anus are also fun (again, for some guys). For instance, touching my testicles any harder than a light caress can be terribly not cool (I swear, I think a girl permenantly damaged one of them a while back). But playing with my anus (carefully!) can be quite nice. Again, results vary.
Eye. Contact.
Wet, the wetter the better frankly. It should be sloppy in my opinion.
posted by KirTakat at 12:13 PM on August 24, 2005
Also, this might be a personal thing, but I've had far too many girls blow on the glans during a blowjob (after they've gotten it wet) under the assumption that it feels good. Honestly, can't really feel it.
"Using your hands" can me a lot of things, not only is there the penis, but testicles and anus are also fun (again, for some guys). For instance, touching my testicles any harder than a light caress can be terribly not cool (I swear, I think a girl permenantly damaged one of them a while back). But playing with my anus (carefully!) can be quite nice. Again, results vary.
Eye. Contact.
Wet, the wetter the better frankly. It should be sloppy in my opinion.
posted by KirTakat at 12:13 PM on August 24, 2005
Have you tried using a vibe? You can hold it on the soft part under your jaw or rub it on your cheeks with the penis in your mouth. You could even hold it on the perineum or in the anus. Some guys may have an aversion to using a vibe, so don't prepare him for it: just spring it on him.
posted by rhapsodie at 12:19 PM on August 24, 2005
posted by rhapsodie at 12:19 PM on August 24, 2005
I think justonegirl covered just about all the bases; she sounds as if she knows what she's talking about. Lots of eye contact is good as well. One major thing I personally enjoy that hasn't been mentioned is talking; part of good blowjob technique for me is having my mind stimulated as much as my nerve endings, so in addition to the "visual effect" mentioned by justonegirl when you take the penis out of your mouth, try looking up into his eyes and telling him how much you enjoy doing this (if that's true), ask him if he likes having his (big/thick/naughty) cock sucked, etc, etc. That sends me over the edge.
Enthusiasm is key, having fun is essential. It's all about communication and contact, as is any good sexual activity.
posted by NewGear at 12:24 PM on August 24, 2005 [2 favorites]
Enthusiasm is key, having fun is essential. It's all about communication and contact, as is any good sexual activity.
posted by NewGear at 12:24 PM on August 24, 2005 [2 favorites]
Do not just go for the asshole like kids after a burst pinata. Work around it a little, if he's ok with that work a little farther. I would prefer that no one go near mine what-so-ever, thank you. It is just not something I like and it is a complete turn off.
Frankly, all of the above advice can be taken or left the same way. Not all guys like the same head. Learn the guy early and progress on what works, move away from what doesn't.
posted by Pollomacho at 12:31 PM on August 24, 2005 [2 favorites]
Frankly, all of the above advice can be taken or left the same way. Not all guys like the same head. Learn the guy early and progress on what works, move away from what doesn't.
posted by Pollomacho at 12:31 PM on August 24, 2005 [2 favorites]
Although my technique is far from perfected, I have on occassion glanced at sexuality.org's guide to fellatio for some ideas. Check it out.
posted by itchie at 12:37 PM on August 24, 2005 [2 favorites]
posted by itchie at 12:37 PM on August 24, 2005 [2 favorites]
I think the big thing is to be really receptive to the guy and what they would like, too. Obviously not all men like the same types of blowjobs. So I'd keep a bunch of different ideas in mind.
A couple of guys I know love getting blowjobs while wearing cockrings. Failing that you could just clamp your hand nice and tight around their penis and testes.
Play with temperatures. Some guys really like you to take a mouthful of a warm drink and suck them. One guy really liked the bubbles of champagne. Also: ice cube.
Don't forget the nipples.
Also, sounds really simple, but your orientation to the man can matter for some of them. I have encountered preferences for: kneeling in front of them sitting on the bed/chair/whatever, sitting with them standing, or kneeling on a bed while they are lying down (so your ass is in their face, but not a 69 position).
If anything you try isn't enjoyed, don't get discouraged. Acknowledge and move on to the next one.
Have fun!
posted by gaspode at 12:41 PM on August 24, 2005
A couple of guys I know love getting blowjobs while wearing cockrings. Failing that you could just clamp your hand nice and tight around their penis and testes.
Play with temperatures. Some guys really like you to take a mouthful of a warm drink and suck them. One guy really liked the bubbles of champagne. Also: ice cube.
Don't forget the nipples.
Also, sounds really simple, but your orientation to the man can matter for some of them. I have encountered preferences for: kneeling in front of them sitting on the bed/chair/whatever, sitting with them standing, or kneeling on a bed while they are lying down (so your ass is in their face, but not a 69 position).
If anything you try isn't enjoyed, don't get discouraged. Acknowledge and move on to the next one.
Have fun!
posted by gaspode at 12:41 PM on August 24, 2005
Not really on topic, or helpful, but recent Labor Dept reports put blowjoblessness at an all time high.
posted by darkness at 1:13 PM on August 24, 2005
posted by darkness at 1:13 PM on August 24, 2005
Different strokes for different folks... be into it, and explore everything from tip to taint. He should let you know what worked... though he might be a bit shy about what didn't.
The only thing I really dislike in a blowjob is if it's mechanical or forced... a half-hearted blowjob is a nice gesture, but it's just not that enjoyable for me.
posted by mosch at 1:50 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
The only thing I really dislike in a blowjob is if it's mechanical or forced... a half-hearted blowjob is a nice gesture, but it's just not that enjoyable for me.
posted by mosch at 1:50 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
Maintaining as much eye contact as you can (with lustful looks)This isn't a universal. Though I may be odd in this sense, eye contact during oral sex, whether I'm giving or receiving, is a huge turn off. For whatever reason, even if the looks are definitively lustful, I can't help but wonder if the eyes are telling me otherwise.
making sure your hair -- if it's long -- is out of the way, or even wrapped in his hand, so that his view isn't obstructured is good tooHaving a view is good, but moving the hair out of the way also helps the giver. Unless you enjoy the taste or texture of hair, use something to hold your hair back before you start. It is not pleasurable when you have to stop more than once to move your hair out of the way, so make sure once you start, your motions are fluid, not fumbling or separated by pauses.
I can't stress enough that what I am saying is my opinion and experience. Others may disagree strongly or find the exact opposite to be true. Some guys may dream of an inexperience partner, fumbling through their "first" oral sex experience. Fetishes are as numerous and unique as individuals.
In my own experience, frequency is equally important to the experience as technique and experimentation. During a particularly sexy day, more than once can even be just what the doctor ordered. Furthermore, if it's still hard after you're done, don't assume that it's going away. A blow job can be a great introduction to sex, though it is apparently common for men to lose their erection after orgasm.
The head of the penis, much like the clitoris, can become extremely sensitive after orgasm. It's not constant with me, but it can border on painful on occasion. Other times, I'm sad when my partner stops the moment I'm done ejaculating. Just be sensitive to your partners needs.
Don't stop mid ejaculation. It's not going to be easy to resolve emotionally or biologically. If you screw up a mans orgasm, which is often quite short, he's typically not going to be able to just recover and pick up where he left off. If you're allowing men to ejaculate in your mouth, other than use a condom if you have multiple partners, you should also not stop until it's clear he's done. If you're finishing the job external to your mouth, use your hands and another part of your body to finish. The breasts and ass are terrific visuals and tend to be shaped so a penis fits naturally. If you lack in cleavage or booty, you can use your hands, feet, neck or face. Play with it until it's finished and then keep going until he indicates he's done.
Mostly, appropriate enthusiasm is the key. Don't stop mid encounter to urinate, brush your teeth, change the channel on the TV or answer the phone. Aside from being potentially funny, it's generally perceived as rude and insensitive by the recipient. It also tends to kill the mood. Talking can be useful in the process, but you need to experiment with your partner. Cock worship and dirty talk are no nos for me, but other men like it.
Enthusiasm includes your body position. If you are uncomfortable or appear to be uncomfortable, this can result in poor technique. So get comfortable and make sure your comfort isn't adding discomfort to your partner. Some people will rest their elbows or body an a mans legs or other body parts, which can, over a period of time, cause pain and cramping.
If the man has an erection that, for lack of a better way to put it, stands up on its own, you might try to put downward pressure on the penis. Not only will this give you a better angle, this can increase the mans pleasure. I've had partners claim that it looks like it would be painful, but I find it to be the most pleasurable position for me. The same goes for sex. If the man's erection is limp, either naturally or from lack of arousal, this is not as pleasurable and can be extremely unpleasurable. Bending a penis is rarely fun, though to each their own fetish.
If you have repeat partners, vary how you start them. It gets boring and repetitions to have the same thing done over and over. Start with petting, humping, kissing, licking or nibbling. Insert it into your mouth for a short period of time, then lick the tip, shaft and balls, while handling the parts your mouth is not on with both hands. Sometimes quick and dirty is the goal, but it can feel equally good if it lasts a long time. A tease can really build anticipation and pleasure, just beware of negative responses to teasing.
In general, communicating with your partner is hard about such issues. Men tend to be bad at describing what they like and timid to discuss it. Women tend to not get the whole concept for lack of experience receiving them. Other than luck and experimentation, communication is the only way to give the greatest pleasure between two partners.
You don't need to deep throat, no matter how much your partner tells you it's the only things that makes him orgasm. It's simply not true. While it is pleasurable, the same pleasure can be derived other ways. If you have a significant gag reflex or a partner that won't fit, you can use your tongue to apply pressure. Mind you, we're not talking about the tip of your tongue here. You can try various motions to find one that works for your partner, but they are generally a gentle up and down motion, back and forth, circular and for the tongue talented, a wave. This can apply greater pressure than the throat can and doesn't hurt. If you move your mouth up and down the head and shaft as much as is comfortable and use your hand(s) to move up and down the remaining bits of the shaft, which you should lubricate with your own saliva, this can be equal or better than deep throat. Some men don't find it visually appealing, but when done well, the difference can't be felt. (And I mean that literally. My partner tried both and asked me to identify what she was doing and there just wasn't a significant difference.)
The caveat here is something I personally find incredibly disgusting, which has various names, but generally involves gagging or vomiting. This is a fetish that can only be satisfied by deep throating. It is potentially dangerous and potentially incredibly disgusting.
The area under the testicles through the area past the anus can be extremely sensitive and stigmatized, so tread lightly if you don't know your partner is open to such ideas. A warm, moist tongue applying varying degrees of pressure can be superb. And a tossed salad topped with a hand job can be absolutely divine. Just remember that many people think this is "gay" or taboo for other reasons.
One last thing, but this is advice for what to do beforehand: sexualize a shower and a shave. Seriously, them's some stinky bits if they are unclean. They can be down right unholy. Take your partner into the tub or shower. Be sexy about it. When you're dry, get out your favorite electric shaver that can be used on your naughty bits, apply some talc and exercise caution as you remove his wiry underpinnings. Not only will it be better for you not having to floss with his pubes afterwards, but it will be better for him. (Opinion varies greatly on this one, but I was converted exactly this way by my partner.) She happens to have a shaving fetish. Be warned that ingrown hairs and cuts to this area are particularly painful and easy to incur. There are a number of threads about shaving private parts in the AskMe archives.
Hope this is helpful.
posted by sequential at 1:54 PM on August 24, 2005 [9 favorites]
You have to read his responses and pace it correctly. Everything can be good, but slowing down at the wrong moment can take away a lot of the enjoyment.
posted by ludwig_van at 1:57 PM on August 24, 2005
posted by ludwig_van at 1:57 PM on August 24, 2005
slowing down at the wrong moment can take away a lot of the enjoyment.
Then again not slowing down can do the same thing in that right moment. Judge by the guy not by what someone tells you is a universal. There are no universals. The best at blowjobs are the folks that learn to gauge the recipient, not ones that adhere to some set routine.
posted by Pollomacho at 2:01 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
Then again not slowing down can do the same thing in that right moment. Judge by the guy not by what someone tells you is a universal. There are no universals. The best at blowjobs are the folks that learn to gauge the recipient, not ones that adhere to some set routine.
posted by Pollomacho at 2:01 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
I Nth the "wet&sloppy" comments, primarily because few women can keep up a constant suction/firmness and the more spittle the more friction & sensation. Plus I can't speak for any other man but there's little I like less than a dry jerk, so if you take your mouth off for a break/testicle all that saliva makes for a nice slide when you're jerking him.
posted by phearlez at 2:01 PM on August 24, 2005
posted by phearlez at 2:01 PM on August 24, 2005
Ooh, what about gently squeezing my balls :-)
Seriously though, I like that a lot, and I also find when I'm having difficulty reaching climax for whatever reason, a squeeze will tip me over the edge.
Interestingly, I find that the eye contact bit is a skill in itself - there's a big difference between a loving look or a genuine I'm-really-into-this look and a all-my-friends-told-me-to-look-you-in-the-eye look.
Also - different sets of rules of uncircumcised guys. I find girls used to circumcised guys go a bit heavy on us poor bunch who are little bit more sensitive.
Oh, and what about swallowing? I don't disrespect anyone who doesn't, but for those who do - it's hot! If a girl tells me she *wants* to swallow, well I'll give her the keys to the farm.
And what ludwig_van said on preview
posted by forallmankind at 2:02 PM on August 24, 2005 [2 favorites]
Seriously though, I like that a lot, and I also find when I'm having difficulty reaching climax for whatever reason, a squeeze will tip me over the edge.
Interestingly, I find that the eye contact bit is a skill in itself - there's a big difference between a loving look or a genuine I'm-really-into-this look and a all-my-friends-told-me-to-look-you-in-the-eye look.
Also - different sets of rules of uncircumcised guys. I find girls used to circumcised guys go a bit heavy on us poor bunch who are little bit more sensitive.
Oh, and what about swallowing? I don't disrespect anyone who doesn't, but for those who do - it's hot! If a girl tells me she *wants* to swallow, well I'll give her the keys to the farm.
And what ludwig_van said on preview
posted by forallmankind at 2:02 PM on August 24, 2005 [2 favorites]
Not a big fan of BJs but this one woman I met had it down pat.
She would work it like my semen was the the Holy Grail in her eagerness to obtain it, and swallow and suck until she was sure she had it all. At the same time she would pretend to have an orgasm. Another factor was that she was willing to do this anytime and would kneel and seek the grail if you were just relaxing. The elements of surprise and her mad desire made my trip to Denver other worldly.
posted by JohnR at 2:05 PM on August 24, 2005 [2 favorites]
She would work it like my semen was the the Holy Grail in her eagerness to obtain it, and swallow and suck until she was sure she had it all. At the same time she would pretend to have an orgasm. Another factor was that she was willing to do this anytime and would kneel and seek the grail if you were just relaxing. The elements of surprise and her mad desire made my trip to Denver other worldly.
posted by JohnR at 2:05 PM on August 24, 2005 [2 favorites]
Dear Lord, sequential - that's a lot of awesome advice.
My husband has told me my technique has greatly improved since reading The Guide to Getting it On. There's lots of good advice for both men and women in that book. Blowjobs, handjobs, you name it.
posted by dual_action at 2:06 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
My husband has told me my technique has greatly improved since reading The Guide to Getting it On. There's lots of good advice for both men and women in that book. Blowjobs, handjobs, you name it.
posted by dual_action at 2:06 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
Wow. I'm not Anon, but I have been reading this thread (and taking notes!) with interest. To add in a follow-up question of my own (if I may): during ejaculation, do you fellas like it if your partner continues stimulating you, or is that actually too intense (i.e., you prefer to have your penis just "held" in the mouth, as it were, while you come)? Just curious.
posted by scody at 2:16 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
posted by scody at 2:16 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
I find it too intense, scody, but that's yet another one of those "depends on the person" type things.
posted by me3dia at 2:27 PM on August 24, 2005
posted by me3dia at 2:27 PM on August 24, 2005
slow, slower, slow motion, slow. mind blowing...
posted by nightocean at 2:38 PM on August 24, 2005
posted by nightocean at 2:38 PM on August 24, 2005
Then again not slowing down can do the same thing in that right moment.
Right, hence my advice to read his responses and pace it correctly.
posted by ludwig_van at 2:39 PM on August 24, 2005
Right, hence my advice to read his responses and pace it correctly.
posted by ludwig_van at 2:39 PM on August 24, 2005
during ejaculation, do you fellas like it if your partner continues stimulating you
Absolutely; it's a little disappointing if she doesn't. But maybe that's just me.
posted by ludwig_van at 2:40 PM on August 24, 2005
Absolutely; it's a little disappointing if she doesn't. But maybe that's just me.
posted by ludwig_van at 2:40 PM on August 24, 2005
Thanks, dual_action!
While I am ejaculating, there's no variation with me. Stopping will make an orgasm bland. Tongue movements, if not deep throating, sucking, stroking the shaft, juggly, fingering, continuing head movements are essential in differentiating oral sex from what it feels like to masturbate.
Moments after I am done ejaculating, I can become ticklish. Let's be clear about this. It's not a "funny, haha" kind of tickle, it's a "Do I have gonorrhea?" burning sensation that is similar to tickling. Sometimes it does make me giggle, which luckily my partner finds endearing, but other times it's just straight up painful and I have to be careful not to injure her while escaping. After the sensitivity is gone, I once again enjoy continued stimulation.
Other times, I can have aftershocks, like tiny orgasms jetting through my nerves. It's like having the chills, only much more sexy.
posted by sequential at 2:44 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
during ejaculation, do you fellas like it if your partner continues stimulating you, or is that actually too intense (i.e., you prefer to have your penis just "held" in the mouth, as it were, while you comeI believe this varies a great deal from person to person and even between individual instances.
While I am ejaculating, there's no variation with me. Stopping will make an orgasm bland. Tongue movements, if not deep throating, sucking, stroking the shaft, juggly, fingering, continuing head movements are essential in differentiating oral sex from what it feels like to masturbate.
Moments after I am done ejaculating, I can become ticklish. Let's be clear about this. It's not a "funny, haha" kind of tickle, it's a "Do I have gonorrhea?" burning sensation that is similar to tickling. Sometimes it does make me giggle, which luckily my partner finds endearing, but other times it's just straight up painful and I have to be careful not to injure her while escaping. After the sensitivity is gone, I once again enjoy continued stimulation.
Other times, I can have aftershocks, like tiny orgasms jetting through my nerves. It's like having the chills, only much more sexy.
posted by sequential at 2:44 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
Teasing can be good. Don't head south and immediately start sucking. I like to breathe over a partner's skin (not tickly, though) from the chest down, caress thighs and ass firmly with my hands and arms, and nuzzle his groin (again, not tickly) for a while before I give him a gentle lick. Take your time.
Yeah, so um, sequential and I would get along juuust fine.
posted by Specklet at 3:40 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
Yeah, so um, sequential and I would get along juuust fine.
posted by Specklet at 3:40 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
Ignore anything you've read in a women's magazine. It's all nonsense. Nearly everything I've ever read in a women's guide to giving head - which often revolves around a lot of delicate licking of the head and shaft - sounds tremendously awful.
Keep it simple. My favourite blowjob technique is when I'm sucked progressively deeper until my whole cock is being sucked right down to the shaft and I can feel it being enthusiastically eaten up. A little stimulation by hand of the cock or balls is fine. A few worshipful glances, indicating that this is an enjoyable practice, makes it all feel worthwhile.
And knowing when to stop is crucial. After I've come it gets very sensitive and from that point I want some TLC and a look of satisfaction, not more stimulation.
posted by skylar at 3:46 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
Keep it simple. My favourite blowjob technique is when I'm sucked progressively deeper until my whole cock is being sucked right down to the shaft and I can feel it being enthusiastically eaten up. A little stimulation by hand of the cock or balls is fine. A few worshipful glances, indicating that this is an enjoyable practice, makes it all feel worthwhile.
And knowing when to stop is crucial. After I've come it gets very sensitive and from that point I want some TLC and a look of satisfaction, not more stimulation.
posted by skylar at 3:46 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
Techniques will vary, but surprising a man by giving him head unexpectedly is a huge boost.
posted by rleamon at 4:42 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
posted by rleamon at 4:42 PM on August 24, 2005 [1 favorite]
Well, I don't have much to add. Except this: please don't suck hard, or even at all. I don't know whether this is just me but that always feels extremely unpleasant and can actually hurt a bit.
posted by Decani at 5:08 PM on August 24, 2005
posted by Decani at 5:08 PM on August 24, 2005
Don't use a condom. Or if you do use a condom, don't bother with a blowjob. Unfortunately, safe sex and enjoyable blowjobs are mutually exclusive in my experience.
posted by malp at 5:27 PM on August 24, 2005
posted by malp at 5:27 PM on August 24, 2005
My technique with new partners is to get *him* to describe how *he* likes it for me. There's a couple of ways I use:
- A hot 'n heavy sort of conversation, could be phone sex, could be while making out, sort of a "let's share fantasies" thing; making sure to give leading, teasing questions ("Do you like it when I go slow... or fast?" "What if I touched here... or maybe here?") If it's phone sex, follow his cues, and file away the info gleaned for later when you can do it in person. If it's in person, and the time is right, lead the making out into a blowjob then and there, and as you're talking with him, act out what he's telling you.
- A clinical sort of "let's talk about sex" conversation, in which you ask very specific questions but in that sort of "researcher" mode, with a very "I'm curious" tone. "I was reading that some guys like it if you use teeth. What do you think?" "So do you prefer it with a lot of spit? Speaking of spit, what do you think of the whole spit or swallow thing?" and so on. "Really? So do you think that...." Because most people like to express their opinions, likes and dislikes. Then use the info and surprise him with a blowjob, doing the things he's told you he likes.
Whichever method I employ really depends on how uptight the guy is. Also, I'm just damn curious about people so I like to ask and find things out. Both ways require you to be very verbal and "leading", of course. But they almost guarantee you'll be trying stuff he enjoys and is already disposed to getting him aroused, or at the very least, that you don't try something the last guy totally grooved on but the new guy is totally icked out by.
posted by Melinika at 6:36 PM on August 24, 2005
- A hot 'n heavy sort of conversation, could be phone sex, could be while making out, sort of a "let's share fantasies" thing; making sure to give leading, teasing questions ("Do you like it when I go slow... or fast?" "What if I touched here... or maybe here?") If it's phone sex, follow his cues, and file away the info gleaned for later when you can do it in person. If it's in person, and the time is right, lead the making out into a blowjob then and there, and as you're talking with him, act out what he's telling you.
- A clinical sort of "let's talk about sex" conversation, in which you ask very specific questions but in that sort of "researcher" mode, with a very "I'm curious" tone. "I was reading that some guys like it if you use teeth. What do you think?" "So do you prefer it with a lot of spit? Speaking of spit, what do you think of the whole spit or swallow thing?" and so on. "Really? So do you think that...." Because most people like to express their opinions, likes and dislikes. Then use the info and surprise him with a blowjob, doing the things he's told you he likes.
Whichever method I employ really depends on how uptight the guy is. Also, I'm just damn curious about people so I like to ask and find things out. Both ways require you to be very verbal and "leading", of course. But they almost guarantee you'll be trying stuff he enjoys and is already disposed to getting him aroused, or at the very least, that you don't try something the last guy totally grooved on but the new guy is totally icked out by.
posted by Melinika at 6:36 PM on August 24, 2005
justonegirl has it: Enthusiasm -- for the act itself, for the pleasure of the receiver -- is absolutely everything. Specific tricks and techniques are trivial compared to that, in my opinion. If you truly love what you're doing, your partner will too.
Having said that, here is my list of a handful of trivial tricks and techniques that get me: Wear pigtails. Take a very, very long time. Try everything and everything; whatever gets a reaction, do more. Get your hands, lips, cheeks, and other body parts in on the action. Do the thing with the popping sound. Pause, say things. Don't be too gentle. Depth matters, play with it. Tease. Torture.
I'd still rather take inept but eager enthusiasm over practiced, jaded skill any day.
posted by majick at 10:21 PM on August 24, 2005 [2 favorites]
Having said that, here is my list of a handful of trivial tricks and techniques that get me: Wear pigtails. Take a very, very long time. Try everything and everything; whatever gets a reaction, do more. Get your hands, lips, cheeks, and other body parts in on the action. Do the thing with the popping sound. Pause, say things. Don't be too gentle. Depth matters, play with it. Tease. Torture.
I'd still rather take inept but eager enthusiasm over practiced, jaded skill any day.
posted by majick at 10:21 PM on August 24, 2005 [2 favorites]
I haven't seen it posted yet, so maybe this is a minority opinion...
1. Braids or pigtails are excellent.
2. Being willing to sometimes stop giving the blowjob, letting the recipient set the pace and "throat fuck" you instead... well, that certainly floats my boat :)
posted by Meatbomb at 1:46 AM on August 25, 2005 [1 favorite]
1. Braids or pigtails are excellent.
2. Being willing to sometimes stop giving the blowjob, letting the recipient set the pace and "throat fuck" you instead... well, that certainly floats my boat :)
posted by Meatbomb at 1:46 AM on August 25, 2005 [1 favorite]
during ejaculation, do you fellas like it if your partner continues stimulating you
Well it depends on how you feel about semen. . .if you like to swallow, or not. If you like it on your skin, etc.
My wife just swallows and then keeps trying to stimulate, knowing that she is driving me crazy. . .I would like it if she played with it (the semen) a bit more. . .but she does not really like it much so down it does, as fast as possible.
In my past, the "mess" was really fun to get into and kept the arousal going. Plus kissing someone with a mouthful of semen is something that I love, even if it does not happen anymore. . .
posted by Danf at 8:34 AM on August 26, 2005 [2 favorites]
I can't believe no one yet mentioned humming -- not necessarily showtunes, girls, more like saying "MMMmmm" as though you're eating something yummy. It convinces him that you're into it, and it gives him a pleasant vibrating sensation.
Also, find out if he's into porn, or watch some porn with him. Listen to what he says is hot. I perfected the glance with this method and it's pretty much the right kind of showstopper if you know how to throw it. Kind of a cross between Scarlett O'Hara batting her lashes and a grateful kitchen wench.
Porn also tells you what kind of "Mmm" sounds turn him on.
posted by tarintowers at 8:35 AM on August 26, 2005 [1 favorite]
Also, find out if he's into porn, or watch some porn with him. Listen to what he says is hot. I perfected the glance with this method and it's pretty much the right kind of showstopper if you know how to throw it. Kind of a cross between Scarlett O'Hara batting her lashes and a grateful kitchen wench.
Porn also tells you what kind of "Mmm" sounds turn him on.
posted by tarintowers at 8:35 AM on August 26, 2005 [1 favorite]
Whether or not deep throating is REQUIRED or IRREPLACEABLE... it's damn nice. Handwork is also good, better in some ways and not as good in others, but deep-throating is amazing and quite a turn on because not that many people can do it at all, let alone well. It can be one of those "once in a lifetime" or "no one does me like you do" types of things so I think it's worth checking out if you really want to please some lucky man. Of course, learning it can be so traumatic that it's not worth it, so I suggest if you're going to study up, do it with a dildo or something on your own time. It takes comfort and practice (untraining a natural gag reflex isn't a matter of technique, it's repetition and practice). And you don't want all the uncomfortable moments of defeat/error/gagging to take place during a blowjob. If you're determined to learn, practice on your own. Most any decent partner will stop you if you gag once or twice. Like I said, if you're determined... it's not about sparing him the uncomfortable moments. It's about not letting his guilt halt your learning process.
But there's no technique that's worth undertaking without joy and enthusiasm. I highly recommend learning to love sucking cock if it doesn't come naturally. Speaking for myself as a penis-bearer, nothing makes this mortal coil more bearable to inhabit than a high-quality blow job. Seriously. A man who enjoys nice ones regularly is basically on top of the world.
posted by scarabic at 11:24 PM on August 26, 2005 [2 favorites]
But there's no technique that's worth undertaking without joy and enthusiasm. I highly recommend learning to love sucking cock if it doesn't come naturally. Speaking for myself as a penis-bearer, nothing makes this mortal coil more bearable to inhabit than a high-quality blow job. Seriously. A man who enjoys nice ones regularly is basically on top of the world.
posted by scarabic at 11:24 PM on August 26, 2005 [2 favorites]
If fellatio preferences are anything like cunninlingus preferences, they will vary widely and sometimes drastically. So experimentation and communication are key. Don't think that just because a technique was incredibly effective with one partner that it will be good for the next.
However, one thing that is mentioned above is something I bet is near-universal: being enthusiastic about it. That's a big turn-on. Someone above used the phrase "cock worship" which, although it has unfortunate sexist implications, is probably the royal road to deeply turning a man on.
Here's a message from the alt.sex.wizards newsgroup I saved a long time ago that I thought had good advice:
However, one thing that is mentioned above is something I bet is near-universal: being enthusiastic about it. That's a big turn-on. Someone above used the phrase "cock worship" which, although it has unfortunate sexist implications, is probably the royal road to deeply turning a man on.
Here's a message from the alt.sex.wizards newsgroup I saved a long time ago that I thought had good advice:
From: vampy69@iadfw.net (Ms. Robin)posted by Ethereal Bligh at 3:04 AM on August 27, 2005 [3 favorites]
Newsgroups: alt.sex.wizards,alt.sex
Subject: Giving good head
Date: Tue, 04 Jul 1995 16:27:35 GMT
[...]
Dr. Goodhead says,
You really have to pay attention to how he reacts to the things you do.
There's so many different ways to use you tongue, lips, teeth, and face.
Getting a guy to cum in your mouth using only your mouth takes time and work.
It's easiest if you fuck him first. Then, when he's really ready, go down on
him. The things that work for me is to start off licking a guy. Run your
tongue up and down his shaft. Tickle his balls. And lick the skin under his
balls, guys love that.
Remember to be vocal as much as possible. Men want you to worship their cock.
(They think theirs is special, so make him feel that you think so. My SOs is
special, and I make certain he knows it.) Tell him how good he tastes (mine's
tastes great, and if he doesn't, get him in the shower) and how much you love
the feel of his big dick on your tongue.
Take the head of it in your mouth and suck on it. Then slide down the shaft,
taking as much of it as you can in your mouth. Deep-throating is a special
technique. Do get his cock down your throat, you swallow. Be careful of your
gag reflex. If doing that brings tears to your eyes or makes you wretch, don't
do it, it'll ruin it for him. Breath through your nose. You might try using
an anesthetic spray in your throat to numb the gag reflex. My SO loves it when
I touch my nose to his belly with his cock all the way down my throat.
Use your hand, too. Jack him while you lick or suck on just the head. There's
nothing wrong with improvising a little. Take his cock and rub it on your
nipples, or your face. Don't just do it, love it. When you rub the head of
his dick in your eyes, then gobble it voraciously, it'll get him going good.
Try humming while holding the head in and licking it.
You can get him off in one of several ways. Suck him long and hard. Jack him
off. Rub his cock on your breastbone (titfuck him). Or fuck him till he's
ready to cum, then get down and let him shoot his load in your mouth.
Where you want him to cum, and what you do with it after is also very
important. Do you want him to shoot it in your mouth, on your tits, in your
face? Are you going to swallow? If you like the taste enough to swallow, then
let him see you do it. After he cums in your mouth, show him the jism on your
tongue and toss it to the back of your throat and gulp it down, then lick your
lips. If he cums on your face or tits, scoop it into your mouth, lick it from
your fingers and savor it.
If you don't want to swallow, don't jump and go spit it in the sink. Be a
slut. Let his cum run out of your mouth, down your chin, and drip onto your
tits. Smear it over your body. Show him you want to bathe in it. Two things
you should know, it's very sticky, and it dries and cools fast. If you like
the taste, eat it quick. Cold cum isn't as good. And you'll have to wash off
before it dries too much or it can get uncomfortable. I love having my SOs cum
all over me, and it tastes so good I just have to scoop it all up and swallow
it.
Lastly, whether you keep sucking after he's cumming or stop depends on him.
Dusty goes nuts when I keep sucking. His orgasm lasts almost a minute. But
I've read that some guys say it's painful. You'll just have to try it and find
out. :)
I hope this helps you. By the way, before the police come banging on my door
for sending you this, how old are you? Have a good blow. Suck hard.
}=>O:
Dusty&Robin
Robin
Also, about semen and "facials"--this is a big turn-on for many men.
There's a widespread belief that what it's really all about is humiliation or subjugation of some sort and, no doubt, for many people it probably is. But it's not necessarily so and, speaking for myself, the turn-on of it is actually quite the opposite.
To most men, I think, semen is by far the most vivid and tangible and singular expression of their sexuality. This is deep in the psyche, going back to early adolescence and wet-dreams and masturbation and that sex means this stuff. And, for men, there's probably some amount of shame relating to it from those adolescent days--cleaning it up, hiding it from mom, whatever. So, I think, for a partner to enjoy the ejaculate in a very visible manner--by swallowing it, by enjoying on their face and body, etc.--it's a huge turn-on because it's a very sex-positive, a very accepting and validating thing to do.
This brings to my mind the "Bob" monologue in The Vagina Monologues. "Bob" was the partner who loved vaginas, spent literally hours just looking and touching and loving his partner's vulva. For the woman who gives that monologue, this is a tremendously liberating experience in the context of a culture that alienates a woman from her vagina and makes her ashamed of it.
Obviously, men are not equally oppressed with regard to their sexuality. Nevertheless, there is something similar going on. When a partner really enjoys semen, she/he is giving a deeply approving message to a man--a message involving the deepest levels of male sexuality.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 3:27 AM on August 27, 2005 [3 favorites]
There's a widespread belief that what it's really all about is humiliation or subjugation of some sort and, no doubt, for many people it probably is. But it's not necessarily so and, speaking for myself, the turn-on of it is actually quite the opposite.
To most men, I think, semen is by far the most vivid and tangible and singular expression of their sexuality. This is deep in the psyche, going back to early adolescence and wet-dreams and masturbation and that sex means this stuff. And, for men, there's probably some amount of shame relating to it from those adolescent days--cleaning it up, hiding it from mom, whatever. So, I think, for a partner to enjoy the ejaculate in a very visible manner--by swallowing it, by enjoying on their face and body, etc.--it's a huge turn-on because it's a very sex-positive, a very accepting and validating thing to do.
This brings to my mind the "Bob" monologue in The Vagina Monologues. "Bob" was the partner who loved vaginas, spent literally hours just looking and touching and loving his partner's vulva. For the woman who gives that monologue, this is a tremendously liberating experience in the context of a culture that alienates a woman from her vagina and makes her ashamed of it.
Obviously, men are not equally oppressed with regard to their sexuality. Nevertheless, there is something similar going on. When a partner really enjoys semen, she/he is giving a deeply approving message to a man--a message involving the deepest levels of male sexuality.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 3:27 AM on August 27, 2005 [3 favorites]
I do remember my boyfriend the first time I sucked him... He could'nt believe I swallowed ! It was something "the-first-time-ever-in-my-life"... There are loads of stuff intersting to test here... I'll come back and tell you later about the results if I can...
Just dunno what to add...
posted by vincentm at 6:09 AM on August 30, 2005
Just dunno what to add...
posted by vincentm at 6:09 AM on August 30, 2005
I find girls used to circumcised guys go a bit heavy on us poor bunch who are little bit more sensitive.
Very true. I'm uncut. Many USians exert far too much direct, early, and severe glans stimulation on a very sensitive part of the body that is not desensitized by decades of chaffing against fabric.
posted by meehawl at 2:42 PM on September 2, 2005
Very true. I'm uncut. Many USians exert far too much direct, early, and severe glans stimulation on a very sensitive part of the body that is not desensitized by decades of chaffing against fabric.
posted by meehawl at 2:42 PM on September 2, 2005
You have my sympathy, meehawl, but on behalf of millions of my fellow routinely mutilated and thus desensitized "USians," I gotta say, there's a whole lot of people who'd very much like to have your "problem."
posted by clicktosubmit at 11:28 AM on September 8, 2005
posted by clicktosubmit at 11:28 AM on September 8, 2005
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by justonegirl at 11:55 AM on August 24, 2005 [2 favorites]