How to find NSA not-sex?
August 28, 2013 8:53 PM Subscribe
Please help with ideas for a straight 30-year-old guy to find NSA sex that isn't actually sex.
I was a sexual late bloomer and still have little experience, and have been looking to change that by finding some casual sex through craigslist. Thing is, unlike most people posting NSA ads, I don't actually want full sex. The thought of full sex with a woman I barely know makes me uncomfortable, but not so the thought of just having some teenage-style make-out sessions first. (This was actually inspired by an AskMeFi thread, which I can no longer find, where an OP with similarly little experience was advised to start with encounters where it's agreed beforehand that "the pants stay on".) I've posted some craigslist ads looking for "makeout buddies" (though leaving out the "little experience" part), but have gotten no responses so far. Two questions: (a) What should and shouldn't I put in the ad to maximize my chances of a response? (b) What are some other ways I can achieve this? Something like The Stranger's Lovelab might be worth trying, but most of the users there are in Seattle and I'm not (I'm in SF Bay).
To preempt two answers I foresee: "Get a girlfriend" -- I'm already doing the conventional dating thing via OKCupid, so I am working on that, but what I'm looking for here is specifically NSA and zero-commitment. I don't want to state the above on my OKCupid profile because there are people I know on OKC, and same goes for other dating sites: without a picture you get zero visitors, but if I post my picture with the above information I might get recognized by colleagues etc. Also lots of women on OKC filter out men who are looking for "casual sex". "Pick up a woman in a bar" -- I'm awkward and shy so have never done this, and also I want it to be understood explicitly in advance that full sex isn't on, which wouldn't likely be the case in such a scenario. "Use professional help" -- I would, but can't afford it.
Thanks in advance for any creative ideas.
I was a sexual late bloomer and still have little experience, and have been looking to change that by finding some casual sex through craigslist. Thing is, unlike most people posting NSA ads, I don't actually want full sex. The thought of full sex with a woman I barely know makes me uncomfortable, but not so the thought of just having some teenage-style make-out sessions first. (This was actually inspired by an AskMeFi thread, which I can no longer find, where an OP with similarly little experience was advised to start with encounters where it's agreed beforehand that "the pants stay on".) I've posted some craigslist ads looking for "makeout buddies" (though leaving out the "little experience" part), but have gotten no responses so far. Two questions: (a) What should and shouldn't I put in the ad to maximize my chances of a response? (b) What are some other ways I can achieve this? Something like The Stranger's Lovelab might be worth trying, but most of the users there are in Seattle and I'm not (I'm in SF Bay).
To preempt two answers I foresee: "Get a girlfriend" -- I'm already doing the conventional dating thing via OKCupid, so I am working on that, but what I'm looking for here is specifically NSA and zero-commitment. I don't want to state the above on my OKCupid profile because there are people I know on OKC, and same goes for other dating sites: without a picture you get zero visitors, but if I post my picture with the above information I might get recognized by colleagues etc. Also lots of women on OKC filter out men who are looking for "casual sex". "Pick up a woman in a bar" -- I'm awkward and shy so have never done this, and also I want it to be understood explicitly in advance that full sex isn't on, which wouldn't likely be the case in such a scenario. "Use professional help" -- I would, but can't afford it.
Thanks in advance for any creative ideas.
Make a totally separate OKC profile that explicitly states what you're looking for, i.e. "makeout buddies (really--this isn't code for casual sex)," is otherwise totally normal and disarmingly sweet, and only includes a couple pictures of you-from-afar or you-doing-x-activity-that-obscures-most-of-your-face.
posted by tapir-whorf at 9:09 PM on August 28, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by tapir-whorf at 9:09 PM on August 28, 2013 [4 favorites]
just an fyi -- from what I understand, women looking for NSA sex can be extremely anti-kissing/making out, something which is more intimate for them.
posted by empath at 9:16 PM on August 28, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by empath at 9:16 PM on August 28, 2013 [3 favorites]
As a woman who has in the past sought out A LOT of NSA sex, I was never anti-kissing or making out, nor were the friends I was prowling the bars with.
posted by looli at 9:29 PM on August 28, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by looli at 9:29 PM on August 28, 2013 [8 favorites]
You're conflating 'dating' with 'commitment' and that doesn't have to be the case at all. It is so totally common to put on OKCupid or wherever something along the lines of "I'm not looking for a commitment with anyone right now, though I'm open to it if the right person comes along. I'm more interested in meeting new people and trying out new activities with a fun and spontaneous girl" or whatever. There's zero commitment there, it's straightforward, and you'll probably get to make out with some of them and maybe sleep with them eventually too! It's not creepy or suggestive and you wouldn't have to hide your identity. I have plenty of women friends who date casually [and that doesn't just mean having casual sex, it means having trust, having fun, and being physical when you want to, without commitment]. Try it, you might be pleasantly surprised.
posted by greta simone at 9:33 PM on August 28, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by greta simone at 9:33 PM on August 28, 2013 [7 favorites]
Humor. Title it "Keep Your Pants On!" and actually mention your lack of experience and lack of serial killer qualities.
I'm hesitant to actually write up something that would work because I think your best chance is some kind soul who has a why not moment, which could happen but isn't maybe advisable...
I seriously think you should save up, or better, work on your social skills, because making it clear you won't be trying to have sex right then will probably improve your chances with the type of person you are looking for, but a professional or someone with discrimination who is honest would be ideal because if you have no experience, you have no idea if you have a natural talent for it. It's another thing people will avoid saying directly.
posted by provoliminal at 9:48 PM on August 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm hesitant to actually write up something that would work because I think your best chance is some kind soul who has a why not moment, which could happen but isn't maybe advisable...
I seriously think you should save up, or better, work on your social skills, because making it clear you won't be trying to have sex right then will probably improve your chances with the type of person you are looking for, but a professional or someone with discrimination who is honest would be ideal because if you have no experience, you have no idea if you have a natural talent for it. It's another thing people will avoid saying directly.
posted by provoliminal at 9:48 PM on August 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
I don't think you'll have any trouble finding someone(s) interested in NSA-making out on ok cupid. Just jump in and go for it. Be honest in your profile about what you're looking for. Also be funny. Memail if you want, I'd happily check out your profile and give you my impressions.
posted by dchrssyr at 9:56 PM on August 28, 2013
posted by dchrssyr at 9:56 PM on August 28, 2013
this is one of those questions where you're essentially asking for the impossible, sorry to give you the bad news.
to get NSA kissing-only sex, hiring a sex worker seems like the only way. eccie.net might be a good way to go.
i'm not saying it's theoretically impossible through craig's list or whatever, it's that the odds are so stacked against you it's almost certainly not worth the effort. it's easy to just say "jump in! be honest!" but with the cacophony of men on ok cupid it's unlikely that anyone would take your proposal seriously.
posted by cupcake1337 at 10:26 PM on August 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
to get NSA kissing-only sex, hiring a sex worker seems like the only way. eccie.net might be a good way to go.
i'm not saying it's theoretically impossible through craig's list or whatever, it's that the odds are so stacked against you it's almost certainly not worth the effort. it's easy to just say "jump in! be honest!" but with the cacophony of men on ok cupid it's unlikely that anyone would take your proposal seriously.
posted by cupcake1337 at 10:26 PM on August 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
Saying you want to make out could cover a broad range of activities. If you specify "teenage style", that's still very vague, while implying that you might have a fetish for ageplay or cheerleader outfits.
Be more specific in what exactly you are looking for. Kissing? Open mouth kissing? Nude touching above the waist? If you use terms like "pants stay on", are you looking for touching below the waist on top of clothing? Hands going under clothing? Whose pants stay on, exactly? Yours, hers, both? Must she wear pants?
Also, what three_red_balloons said. Movies are a good choice, you might find people interested in kissing who would not be interested in going to a private location with a stranger.
Get out of the mindset that you must hide your lack of experience. I think it's quite charming. "Kissing lessons wanted" could be your headline. You have something unique to offer here -- put it out there, and give women the chance to find your offer intriguing, exciting, sexy, fun.
actually mention your... lack of serial killer qualities.
Don't do this. It comes off as creepy. Most women don't find the idea of unknown strangers causing them great bodily harm to be funny at all.
posted by yohko at 11:06 PM on August 28, 2013 [8 favorites]
Be more specific in what exactly you are looking for. Kissing? Open mouth kissing? Nude touching above the waist? If you use terms like "pants stay on", are you looking for touching below the waist on top of clothing? Hands going under clothing? Whose pants stay on, exactly? Yours, hers, both? Must she wear pants?
Also, what three_red_balloons said. Movies are a good choice, you might find people interested in kissing who would not be interested in going to a private location with a stranger.
Get out of the mindset that you must hide your lack of experience. I think it's quite charming. "Kissing lessons wanted" could be your headline. You have something unique to offer here -- put it out there, and give women the chance to find your offer intriguing, exciting, sexy, fun.
actually mention your... lack of serial killer qualities.
Don't do this. It comes off as creepy. Most women don't find the idea of unknown strangers causing them great bodily harm to be funny at all.
posted by yohko at 11:06 PM on August 28, 2013 [8 favorites]
Your question looks to me like you view your lack of experience as a problem (that's probably why you explicitly leave that detail out of your ads). You are thinking in terms of what you want, not what you have to offer. That suggests you think you have nothing of value to offer. But some people like giving experience to someone less experienced. It isn't a defect. You have something to offer. You need to recognize that and negotiate from a position of strength rather than framing yourself as a "beggar." Experience is not something other people give you. It is something you share together.
Some randomish thoughts, with a purpose (to try to help you reframe your issue and repackage your approach):
I hooked up with a much younger guy once and only once for NSA not sex. I met him via yahoo chat, not an ad. He mostly got lucky: I happened to be at a point in my divorce where such a thing was a good fit for my needs. My point: There are other people out there with compatible needs. You need to figure out how to find them, good situations in which to talk to them, and then offer them something they might want. An ad is not your only option. I found chat programs very helpful for talking one-on-one in a non-threatening way with someone.
We all have limited experiences in some sense. Example: My "sexual experience" is mostly limited to a long marriage. I got laid regularly, but only with one guy. Another example: For a time, I knew a Player. He was very sexually experienced but had not been in love before. His experiences were mostly casual sex. Deep intimacy was unknown territory for him. Yet, we each had something to offer the other. He helped me grow. I helped him grow. I never viewed myself as a charity case (which is how you seem to see yourself). I had something of value to offer him. He had something of value to offer me. You need to see yourself similarly: You have something to offer. You aren't just taking something. You are also giving something.
I got married at age 19. I began my divorce in my late thirties. So I was relatively "inexperienced" in my late thirties. Lots of men were interested in getting me caught up on everything I had missed out on. They did not see that as a problem. In their eyes, it was an opportunity. Similarly, there will be women who do not view an inexperienced 30-something negatively. There will be women who will see something desirable in you. Frankly, I used to routinely ask men why they found me hot. They all had different answers. One liked my hair and smile. Another adored my laugh. Older men thought I was a pretty young thing. Younger men thought of me as more experienced. They each saw me differently. They all saw me as desirable.
In short, you probably do not know what a specific woman would see as desirable in you or why she might be willing to negotiate a deal. But you aren't even giving them the chance. You need to find a way to make yourself accessible, whether by stating in your ad what you have to offer or reworking your OKCupid profile or something else. So you are shy. Some women like that. So you are x age. Some women will like that too. Find a way to let them know and decide for themselves if you are of interest.
Then you just need to find a means to make that deal. The most important part of that process is being open to the uncomfortable grey zone where you do not yet know what she thinks. Don't say "no" for her. Don't assume you know in advance she would not want you. Women say "no" all the time. You don't need to do it for them. You do not need to be pushy about it but you do need to work on tolerating ambiguity until she gives you a clear signal one way or another. The hard part is just being open, without deciding one way or the other that this is a definite Go or a definite No Go. That is the stage that lots of people are uncomfortable with and cut short by erring on the side of "Nope!!! Moving on!!!" just to move back into their comfort zone.
Relatedly, I think the single biggest mistake people like you, who are not getting enough action, make is eliminating too many people upfront by assuming "they won't want me" for some reason. Doing that makes it nearly impossible to tell you otherwise. I have been on both sides of that fence. I really stepped in it a few times by assuming "he would not want me because I am too old" when, no, he absolutely did want me but now it was unsalvageable because I had been an ass about it. From the other side of that fence, I still carry emotional scars from a man who whined endlessly about being a desperate for a date loser to my face but did so in a way that made it impossible for me to say "I can totally help you with that problem!!!" without simply flushing my self esteem and self respect down the toilet. (Believe me, I tried -- for a long time.) I had it pretty bad for the guy but just could not tell him because he basically would not let me. So don't say "no" for them. Let them decide that for themselves.
And, yes, I have heard the argument that women have an unfair advantage. Having known a few men who operated similarly to me, I do not buy that. Be accessible. Wonder what she might want. Try to offer her something she wants in exchange for what you want. Deals happen all the time. Some of it just never gets talked about for various reasons. So do not let the lack of evidence convince you it is scarce. I don't think it is. I think more random not sex happens than you will ever hear about but it just isn't a good thing to admit to, at least not too openly (though I think searching AskMe will get you some examples, if you need evidence).
Best of luck.
posted by Michele in California at 12:27 AM on August 29, 2013 [22 favorites]
Some randomish thoughts, with a purpose (to try to help you reframe your issue and repackage your approach):
I hooked up with a much younger guy once and only once for NSA not sex. I met him via yahoo chat, not an ad. He mostly got lucky: I happened to be at a point in my divorce where such a thing was a good fit for my needs. My point: There are other people out there with compatible needs. You need to figure out how to find them, good situations in which to talk to them, and then offer them something they might want. An ad is not your only option. I found chat programs very helpful for talking one-on-one in a non-threatening way with someone.
We all have limited experiences in some sense. Example: My "sexual experience" is mostly limited to a long marriage. I got laid regularly, but only with one guy. Another example: For a time, I knew a Player. He was very sexually experienced but had not been in love before. His experiences were mostly casual sex. Deep intimacy was unknown territory for him. Yet, we each had something to offer the other. He helped me grow. I helped him grow. I never viewed myself as a charity case (which is how you seem to see yourself). I had something of value to offer him. He had something of value to offer me. You need to see yourself similarly: You have something to offer. You aren't just taking something. You are also giving something.
I got married at age 19. I began my divorce in my late thirties. So I was relatively "inexperienced" in my late thirties. Lots of men were interested in getting me caught up on everything I had missed out on. They did not see that as a problem. In their eyes, it was an opportunity. Similarly, there will be women who do not view an inexperienced 30-something negatively. There will be women who will see something desirable in you. Frankly, I used to routinely ask men why they found me hot. They all had different answers. One liked my hair and smile. Another adored my laugh. Older men thought I was a pretty young thing. Younger men thought of me as more experienced. They each saw me differently. They all saw me as desirable.
In short, you probably do not know what a specific woman would see as desirable in you or why she might be willing to negotiate a deal. But you aren't even giving them the chance. You need to find a way to make yourself accessible, whether by stating in your ad what you have to offer or reworking your OKCupid profile or something else. So you are shy. Some women like that. So you are x age. Some women will like that too. Find a way to let them know and decide for themselves if you are of interest.
Then you just need to find a means to make that deal. The most important part of that process is being open to the uncomfortable grey zone where you do not yet know what she thinks. Don't say "no" for her. Don't assume you know in advance she would not want you. Women say "no" all the time. You don't need to do it for them. You do not need to be pushy about it but you do need to work on tolerating ambiguity until she gives you a clear signal one way or another. The hard part is just being open, without deciding one way or the other that this is a definite Go or a definite No Go. That is the stage that lots of people are uncomfortable with and cut short by erring on the side of "Nope!!! Moving on!!!" just to move back into their comfort zone.
Relatedly, I think the single biggest mistake people like you, who are not getting enough action, make is eliminating too many people upfront by assuming "they won't want me" for some reason. Doing that makes it nearly impossible to tell you otherwise. I have been on both sides of that fence. I really stepped in it a few times by assuming "he would not want me because I am too old" when, no, he absolutely did want me but now it was unsalvageable because I had been an ass about it. From the other side of that fence, I still carry emotional scars from a man who whined endlessly about being a desperate for a date loser to my face but did so in a way that made it impossible for me to say "I can totally help you with that problem!!!" without simply flushing my self esteem and self respect down the toilet. (Believe me, I tried -- for a long time.) I had it pretty bad for the guy but just could not tell him because he basically would not let me. So don't say "no" for them. Let them decide that for themselves.
And, yes, I have heard the argument that women have an unfair advantage. Having known a few men who operated similarly to me, I do not buy that. Be accessible. Wonder what she might want. Try to offer her something she wants in exchange for what you want. Deals happen all the time. Some of it just never gets talked about for various reasons. So do not let the lack of evidence convince you it is scarce. I don't think it is. I think more random not sex happens than you will ever hear about but it just isn't a good thing to admit to, at least not too openly (though I think searching AskMe will get you some examples, if you need evidence).
Best of luck.
posted by Michele in California at 12:27 AM on August 29, 2013 [22 favorites]
Join fetlife as suggested, make a profile with full details of what you want (there should be a fetish or several for making out so list those in the fetish section, list anything you're curious about in the curious section.) Make sure you upload pictures. After you do all that go to the groups area, search for a local group that allows classifieds, personal ads, or hookups, post a super honest ad there.
It is 100% OK to be vanilla on fet, BTW.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 4:05 AM on August 29, 2013
It is 100% OK to be vanilla on fet, BTW.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 4:05 AM on August 29, 2013
actually mention your ... lack of serial killer qualities.
Seconding the advice not to do this, as it's a suspiciously specific denial (Warning: TV Tropes).
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 4:35 AM on August 29, 2013 [2 favorites]
Seconding the advice not to do this, as it's a suspiciously specific denial (Warning: TV Tropes).
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 4:35 AM on August 29, 2013 [2 favorites]
In another time of my life, I could see myself possibly answering an ad for someone who wanted to learn how to make out. If your ad is clear: "I don't have much experience and I want to learn how to smooch a lady, can you teach me how to be awesome at it?" then the person who answers the ad will know what they are getting themselves into and also can feel amazing about teaching you exactly what you need to know. they are definitely getting something from that!
If you aren't clear, you risk disappointing the other person who might expect you to have skills you don't have.
This is a fun project! Good luck and relax - you are going to learn how to kiss like a dream and it's going to be great.
posted by andreapandrea at 6:12 AM on August 29, 2013 [1 favorite]
If you aren't clear, you risk disappointing the other person who might expect you to have skills you don't have.
This is a fun project! Good luck and relax - you are going to learn how to kiss like a dream and it's going to be great.
posted by andreapandrea at 6:12 AM on August 29, 2013 [1 favorite]
Is there not a less creepy way to do this? Like going to bars or places where people drink? Drunk people love making out with strangers. You may consider yourself awkward and shy, but that's what the alcohol is for. And hey, maybe you could have a real, non-transactional relationship with a human being who you view as a person!
I don't know if websites like Adult Friend Finder work, and I actually don't know what you do on those sites, but I feel like any dude looking for women to meet a stranger on the internet and hook up has an uphill battle. I feel like your chances are much better in real life with alcohol.
posted by AppleTurnover at 7:19 AM on August 29, 2013
I don't know if websites like Adult Friend Finder work, and I actually don't know what you do on those sites, but I feel like any dude looking for women to meet a stranger on the internet and hook up has an uphill battle. I feel like your chances are much better in real life with alcohol.
posted by AppleTurnover at 7:19 AM on August 29, 2013
First off, let me say that being "under-experienced" at 30 is not a big thing at all. And besides, everyone has different preferences and styles when it comes to sex and even kissing, so I really don't think you need to worry about being experienced as a means of being "good" at kissing or sex when you do find a partner you really like. It's much more about getting to know them and getting to know what they like (and what you like!).
If you're set on going the online personal ad route, I think you should keep it clear that you're looking for something casual, but keep it otherwise a bit vague. Obviously "I'm looking for a woman to have casual sex with" isn't going to find you what you're looking for, but I'm not sure that "I'm looking for a woman to makeout with and nothing else" will get you there either. Maybe something more along the lines of "I'm looking for something casual, someone fun to hang out with and see what happens." Just keep it as an open ended situation (but clearly nothing serious) where whatever feels right can happen. I know you don't want to have sex with a stranger, but after getting to know someone, start liking their personality and enjoying some awesome makeout sessions, who's to say you won't want to have sex with them then? I just think the "I want to makeout but nothing else" sentiment might not come off that well for a woman looking for a casual relationship. I think there are plenty of women who would be fine with letting chemistry build organically, but the number who are fine with letting things build to makeouts and nothing else, ever? Maybe not so high.
All that said, I think just casually doing the dating thing is the best way to go. There is a lot of space between kissing and relationship. And also between kissing and sex. Just because you makeout with someone does not imply that you want to/need to sleep with them or get in a serious relationship with them. Go out, date people and see what happens. Have fun with it. Maybe you'll end up with an awesome relationship. But if nothing else, you'll building some dating (and hopefully makeout!) experience.
posted by Vonnegut27 at 7:44 AM on August 29, 2013
If you're set on going the online personal ad route, I think you should keep it clear that you're looking for something casual, but keep it otherwise a bit vague. Obviously "I'm looking for a woman to have casual sex with" isn't going to find you what you're looking for, but I'm not sure that "I'm looking for a woman to makeout with and nothing else" will get you there either. Maybe something more along the lines of "I'm looking for something casual, someone fun to hang out with and see what happens." Just keep it as an open ended situation (but clearly nothing serious) where whatever feels right can happen. I know you don't want to have sex with a stranger, but after getting to know someone, start liking their personality and enjoying some awesome makeout sessions, who's to say you won't want to have sex with them then? I just think the "I want to makeout but nothing else" sentiment might not come off that well for a woman looking for a casual relationship. I think there are plenty of women who would be fine with letting chemistry build organically, but the number who are fine with letting things build to makeouts and nothing else, ever? Maybe not so high.
All that said, I think just casually doing the dating thing is the best way to go. There is a lot of space between kissing and relationship. And also between kissing and sex. Just because you makeout with someone does not imply that you want to/need to sleep with them or get in a serious relationship with them. Go out, date people and see what happens. Have fun with it. Maybe you'll end up with an awesome relationship. But if nothing else, you'll building some dating (and hopefully makeout!) experience.
posted by Vonnegut27 at 7:44 AM on August 29, 2013
I'm not clear whether you want casual sex but not right away, or if you just want to make out and never have sex.
The first situation is no problem at all - list yourself looking for short-term dating/no commitment, and make it clear that you aren't looking for commitment but still like to take it slow. It is pretty hard for guys to find casual sex online though, unless they're quite attractive and with good social skills, just because the women who are interested in that have a lot of guys to choose from.
The second situation is going to be very difficult to impossible to find online. I'd suggest going for casual dating or meeting people at bars if this is your goal. People wanting to meet up for NSA sex might wait a bit for you to feel more comfortable, but they're unlikely to wait forever.
Also agreeing with others that lack of experience isn't a big deal. Lack of dating experience is likely to hurt you more than lack of (casual) sexual experience.
posted by randomnity at 7:51 AM on August 29, 2013
The first situation is no problem at all - list yourself looking for short-term dating/no commitment, and make it clear that you aren't looking for commitment but still like to take it slow. It is pretty hard for guys to find casual sex online though, unless they're quite attractive and with good social skills, just because the women who are interested in that have a lot of guys to choose from.
The second situation is going to be very difficult to impossible to find online. I'd suggest going for casual dating or meeting people at bars if this is your goal. People wanting to meet up for NSA sex might wait a bit for you to feel more comfortable, but they're unlikely to wait forever.
Also agreeing with others that lack of experience isn't a big deal. Lack of dating experience is likely to hurt you more than lack of (casual) sexual experience.
posted by randomnity at 7:51 AM on August 29, 2013
Maybe try a site like How About We? You post a date idea and you could be as specific or non-specific about what you want to do as you like. Like "make out at a movie" or "kiss under the stars" or something. Not guaranteed, but pretty straightforward.
On the other hand, I think that you're being a bit short-sighted with how you can use your OkCupid profile to get the same thing. The vast majority of dates that you- will go on will not become relationships or even second dates, but many could become quasi or full-on casual sexual encounters. You don't have to actually filter for "casual sex" for that. It just happens. However, if you're looking for a faster, guaranteed make out session, it's still a numbers game so get yourself out there in as many ways as possible.
posted by sm1tten at 8:46 AM on August 29, 2013
On the other hand, I think that you're being a bit short-sighted with how you can use your OkCupid profile to get the same thing. The vast majority of dates that you- will go on will not become relationships or even second dates, but many could become quasi or full-on casual sexual encounters. You don't have to actually filter for "casual sex" for that. It just happens. However, if you're looking for a faster, guaranteed make out session, it's still a numbers game so get yourself out there in as many ways as possible.
posted by sm1tten at 8:46 AM on August 29, 2013
What you're asking for isn't impossible! I love the idea of an NSA makeout date, and if I saw an ad on CL or OKC from someone looking for a makeout buddy, my interest would definitely be piqued enough to respond. Assuming the rest of the ad sounded sincere and genuine, of course, but from your question it doesn't sound like that would be a problem for you.
I like the suggestion of "Kissing Lessons Wanted." I'd also like reading that you really enjoy making out, since making out with someone who really enjoys it on its own and not as just a means to an end is interesting--and it would make me feel more confident that you're not actually trying to get sex. And since makeout dates are only fun if there's a mutual attraction, I'd feel a lot better about responding to an ad that specifically laid out something like, "Let's meet for coffee, see if there's a spark, then go make out like teenagers [on my couch / in the back of a movie theater /in a back alley / whatever].
Mentioning your lack of experience could go really well--some people are really into that, and it could also be endearing--or really poorly--some people are really into that and might be pushy about giving you more experience than you're interested in.
I understand your concerns about not putting too much out there on your OKC profile, but honestly, I'd be more likely to look for fun NSA makeout dates on OKC than CL. Maybe you could compromise and mention it in a message, if you find someone whose profile seems like they're be open to it?
Good luck!
posted by rhiannonstone at 11:48 AM on August 29, 2013
I like the suggestion of "Kissing Lessons Wanted." I'd also like reading that you really enjoy making out, since making out with someone who really enjoys it on its own and not as just a means to an end is interesting--and it would make me feel more confident that you're not actually trying to get sex. And since makeout dates are only fun if there's a mutual attraction, I'd feel a lot better about responding to an ad that specifically laid out something like, "Let's meet for coffee, see if there's a spark, then go make out like teenagers [on my couch / in the back of a movie theater /
Mentioning your lack of experience could go really well--some people are really into that, and it could also be endearing--or really poorly--some people are really into that and might be pushy about giving you more experience than you're interested in.
I understand your concerns about not putting too much out there on your OKC profile, but honestly, I'd be more likely to look for fun NSA makeout dates on OKC than CL. Maybe you could compromise and mention it in a message, if you find someone whose profile seems like they're be open to it?
Good luck!
posted by rhiannonstone at 11:48 AM on August 29, 2013
« Older I am flipping out about moving. How do I not flip... | Should I risk buying (x-country) ski boots... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by three_red_balloons at 8:59 PM on August 28, 2013 [1 favorite]