Is he or isn't he "into it"?
August 30, 2012 7:17 PM Subscribe
He's just not that into you. How much of this is true and how can one ever really know? Scenario/question after the jump.
posted by patientpatient to Human Relations (23 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I was reading a recent post about managing the difference between one partner wanting to see the other all of the time and the other needing/wanting some alone time.
I thought the best answers were the ones that basically said you have to come up with a compromise that works best for you.
I tend to lean way more towards the side of wanting to see the person I'm with/dating a lot of the time, maybe upwards of five times a week.
I realize this is too much to ask in the beginning of a relationship, but I do wonder if there's any way to really tell if someone is into you or if they're just the type of person who needs their space.
I'm honestly confused by my current situation and for my part, have tried to back off, while also fearing my not initiating contact or being even remotely pushy about seeing them or my lack of expressing true disappointment when they cancel on me (which I do really feel) might come off as ME seeming indifferent.
Without giving you every scenario leading up to this, I'll share the most recent one: After blowing me off Sunday and not hearing anything until late Monday night, we talked things out Tuesday. He was extremely apologetic and I did express my disappointment. He met up with me and a friend at a bar Tuesday night, even though he has family in town staying with him. He suggested he come over the following night after he went to dinner with a friend, insinuating he'd crash at my place.
He called the next day around 3 to say he was still working out details with his friend about dinner, but regardless, would be in touch by 10. True to his word, he called at 10, but said after splitting a bottle of wine, he was too tired to come over and asked if we could hang out Friday.
While he's been with his family, I haven't heard from him at all today.
It's not that I don't believe he was tired. It's not that I think he's obligated to "check in" with me today. Given he doesn't blow me off tomorrow, it doesn't seem like a horrible scenario.
But when I told some friends about it, they were pretty emphatic that he is obviously not that into it. AKA, who wouldn't drive over when they are on their way home to basically get some and spend a night away from their family (who he has said he's not exactly enthused is in town)? As one friend put it, they would have "biked over in the snow" for someone as "awesome" as me.
I'm confused. Even right now, I can't bring myself to text and see how his day went because now it seems like I'm pushing it.