Is moving back home the worst thing I could do?
July 29, 2012 10:29 AM Subscribe
I graduated college a year ago and moved to Baltimore. I’m now considering moving back home to be close to family, save money and travel. Am I possibly making a huge mistake? Special complications inside.
posted by saltwater to human relations (22 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
After living in the city for a year, I’m feeling burned out from my boring job, from being far from my family and support network, and from being unable to save any money after bills. I wonder why I’m struggling through my job every day just so I can fund a life that I’m ambivalent about. I still like the city, I enjoy living here, and I’ve got a group of kind and fun friends here. That being said, I am not sure why I am here and not somewhere else. I initially moved to Baltimore because it fit the following criteria: cheap, there are jobs, I have a friend to stay with while I look for a job/apt there. The move did work out well since I am employed at a very respectable (albeit soul sucking) job and have made friends, but Baltimore just doesn't feel right anymore.
I also enjoy living in my hometown and I have stronger ties there. I desperately miss my family and we are a very tight knit group. For example, my sister and her husband live down the street from my parents. My sister and my mom are my best friends and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have such supportive and interesting people as relatives. My mom and sister are ELATED at the prospect of me moving back home. Being away from them has been so hard. I was depressed for months about it and felt like I was abandoning them (maybe I was?).
Adding to the List of Reasons to Move Home: I’ve never gotten the chance to travel in a substantial way and it’s something I really, really want to do. If you can’t tell from the description of my life above, I am pretty directionless and feel like travelling will help me get my mind off the constant pressure to FIGURE MY LIFE AND CAREER OUT. Living rent free is the only way I can save enough money to do this.
Here is my big complication: living at home with my parents will not be easy. My dad is an occasional alcohol/pills abuser and I find being around him sad and frustrating. Most days he is NOT that bad, some days he IS that bad. I’d say he abuses in a dramatic way about once per week or less. The other days he still uses but doesn't get out of control. He is an emotional mess when he drinks heavily and sometimes will antagonize me for his problems. I have very successfully avoided this in the past by leaving the house when he is drinking. I still love him dearly and he used to be a very sensitive, quiet, and loving man. His addictions are only a few years old. I know that some part of moving to Baltimore was escaping him. That also meant leaving the other people I love which I still regret.
Clearly there are many facets lumped into one thing here and I am having a lot of trouble parsing out one thing from the other. I sometimes feel like I can't even honestly or logically think through decisions that concern my dad. I alternate between distraught and detached about his behavior. More often it is detached, which makes me feel like I can handle living with him for all the PROS. He really is the only CON I'm seeing in this situation.
MeFi, how can I live with my dad and stay detached from his behavior? What was your experience like moving back home? What are the other options in my situation that I am not seeing? Any and all advice is welcome.