I feel trapped in my very own Bell Jar
January 10, 2012 6:50 AM Subscribe
I have no friends, no life, and am trapped in a dysfunctional family. Help me. Snowflake details inside.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (26 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I am male, aged 20 and a half. I have dropped out of college twice - first because I didn't study and procrastinated the year out and the second time because of social anxiety (being surrounded by kids 3 years younger than me).
Right now I am not doing anything worthwhile, I spend my days reading books and browsing the Internet and working on writing fiction for what I dream will be my perfect novel that will eventually win be a Nobel.
I live with my parents and my elder sister. We are a middle-class family. Dad is ex-Air Force, works in a government office. Mother is a housewife and sister is a successful hospital administration counsellor working at a reputed hospital. That makes me the problem child of the family.
My dad and my mum don't get along and never have. All my life I've seen my dad verbally abuse her, even in front of me and my sister. He proclaims to me that she is a 'certified idiot' who can't get anything right. My mother has been silently suffering him, and put her stocks in at least making sure her kids had successful futures. So you can see what a disappointment I am to them.
My father thinks he is the most perfect man in the world, and that he knows the right way to do everything. The people around him are the ones that are idiots, the biggest of whom would of course be my mother. He has never apologised to anyone his entire life and he finds his anger and abusing perfectly justified.
I generally give him the silent treatment, because I am scared shitless when he starts yelling. After my second dropping-out, I was taken to a psychiatrist whom I haven't been co-operating with. He put me on pills that did nothing but make me sleepy and impotent. I told him about these symptoms and he told me to get off of them.
I was feeling extremely sluggish and fevered as withdrawal symptoms and got into a fight with my dad over how he treats mum. As always, he didn't fight me directly, he yelled at mum for everything. She is the one who teaches me to talk back to his own dad and has spoiled and pampered me into becoming a failure in life, he said. He spent the whole of today's morning abusing mother before work while I pretended to be asleep.
My sister and I don't get along too well - we are too different in opinions, tastes, ways of thinking. She is 8 years older than me and pretty much a third parent. We stopped talking after I dropped out the second time and that is how it is today.
The communication lines in my family are like this:
Dad > Sis > Mum > Me
Dad doesn't talk to mum, I don't talk to sis, etc.
I don't go out of the house, am not interested in studying (in a school) or working. I keep dreaming of writing my novel (and procrastinating). I have no real-life friends, but am emotionally very close to 2-3 pen pals.
The past two days have been pretty shitty for me. I feel angry and powerless. I'm here at Ask MeFi just for some advice. I really don't know what to do anymore.
What exactly do I do? Contact at: email@example.com