My man fixes my stuff, but doesn't touch me enough
July 6, 2012 9:25 PM Subscribe
Boyfriend is great, but how can I get him to meet my emotional needs more consistently?
posted by hungry hippo to Human Relations (31 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend is pretty amazing - there's just one set of actions that I'm not getting enough of, and it's starting to wear on me.
Namely, I want him to reach out to talk to me more. I want him to show me if he misses me when we aren't together. I want him to compliment me, or try to touch me more (non-sexually). I want his enjoyment of me to be written all over him. It isn't. In Love Language terms, his way of showing it is probably Acts of Service, seconded by physical touch.
But even so, my physical touch need must be much higher. (Either that, or he just has a personality that leads to him putting in more effort when he thinks he is losing me. Not sure how to deal with things in a healthy way if that's the case.)
I guess this is a pretty common issue for heterosexual couples. He works hard at being "masculine." I am sure someone will say just talk to him. I've tried that. He gets better for a day or two, then goes back to his default.
So I am looking for a BRIEF explanation I can share with him that is more likely to tap into some kind of core value, so it will stick better. Like I tried to tell him all the things I like that he does, and tried to tie it into the masculine gender role. I am not sure yet how effective it has been.
It's hard for me to not feel unappreciated if he can't bother to do what works for me for more than a day at a time.
If you have other ideas for how to bridge this divide, besides concise values-based communication on my part, please also share them.