Why am I not in love with my girlfriend?
June 8, 2012 8:03 AM Subscribe
Why am I not in love with my girlfriend? I'm 25. She's 28. We're 7 months in and things are fine, but sometimes I wonder if things should be better. Am I over thinking things? Is more time going to change anything? Answers based off a guy's similar experience would be awesome, but all advice is appreciated.
posted by yeahyeahyeah to human relations (61 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
Like I said, we've been dating almost 7 months. In general, it's been a very good relationship. We have similar religious and political beliefs. Have some shows, movies, and music in common. We generally enjoy doing the same things and are on the same page about how often to hang out and how much to stay in touch. There are no jealousy or faithfulness issues. She's super supportive, encouraging, sweet, generous, kind, and loyal. She accepts me for who I am completely, even after knowing some less than pleasant things about me. We make each other laugh. We comprise well.
The only problem is that I don't have that strong head over heels feeling (alternatively called the "spark" or the "in love" feeling). The only thing I can maybe figure out is that sometimes I don't find her super attractive. I feel shallow and sort of bad about it, but it's just certain things sometimes: when she turns her head a certain way, she gets a little of a double chin; her legs are a little un-toned (but only in a certain light); she has small breasts (a-cups); a lot of times her breath is kinda bad; we have different styles of kissing (and despite both of us working on it, it's still not amazing). The thing is, though, that she is super fit and can look really good. She's had way more boyfriends than I've had girlfriends. She's very fashion conscious. But sometimes I'm not just knocked-over by how pretty she is.
I know it is shallow, and I really would like nothing better than to be able to just get over these admittedly superficial things and be completely happy. But at the same time, after 7 months I feel like she deserves some certainty from me (she told me she loved me about 2 months ago and I didn't say it back -- which I also feel bad about). Recently, I told her we should talk more about our dreams, hopes, wishes, deep-thoughts, and etc., because I hope that if we connect more deeply, then attraction will naturally grow. But I just don't know if that's enough.
Anyways, any anecdotes, advice, criticisms, are appreciated.