Turned off by forwardness
April 15, 2012 8:07 PM Subscribe
Is it strange that I get turned off by outright flirting and sexual advances from men?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (30 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
Basically when I'm getting to know a guy, I look for a deep mental/emotional connection with him. It really catches my interest when that happens with a man, although looks, ambition, etc also factor into attraction to some extent. One thing I've noticed though is that if a man tries to flirty aggressively, making a comment about my appearance ("those long legs of yours" "I bet you turn heads" etc) or starts talking about sex, I have a negative gut reaction towards him. It makes me feel like he's objectifying me instead of appreciating my ideas or convictions. Being an idealist likely contributes to this unrealistic and critical perspective, and I know I need to just get over it because in the real world, men are attracted to good looking women, and have sexual thoughts about them! My parents never discussed sex much although I certainly don't see it as dirty or shameful. I eventually do feel comfortable being very sexual with a man (I'm kind of a freak deep down, hah!), but it comes much later in the process of getting to know a guy, and happens only after I feel safe with him. Typically I've dated guys I've become friends with first. It's also noteworthy that I did the "pursuing" with those guys, and it ended up with me not feeling wanted! Maybe I just don't know what I want, or don't know how to identify the right type of guy when he crosses my path. It's like, a guy has to show some interest, but not TOO MUCH interest, or I get scared away. I'm in my mid 20s and not very sexually experienced, having had only one boyfriend.
How can I become more comfortable with aggressive, alpha male type flirting? How do I adopt more realistic standards when it comes to choosing men to go out with?