How can I fulfill my fantasy?

July 8, 2008 6:40 AM

I'm a female with this recurring fantasy about two men (my biggest fantasy since I was 15). How do I go about fulfilling it? Wait, there's a catch or two. [NSFW]

First, I only want to WATCH two men have sex with each other. I don't want to be sexually involved. The extent of my physical involvement might include some S&M (me topping them) but no kissing or anything further.

Second, I'm married to a straight guy. We're firmly monogamous but he's known about this fantasy since we met, and since he can't fulfill it for me, he's willing to give me some leeway if it were the right situation. Some of his best friends are gay, blah blah blah, but he's not keen on watching gay sex, nor is he keen on leaving me alone in a room with two guys unless they are certified 6s on the Kinsey scale. In which case, why would they want me there? Kind of a conundrum, you know?

Besides, I don't relish the idea of being in a room with two strange men, gay or not. Maybe they don't want to rape me but that doesn't mean they don't want to steal my stuff. I'd much rather be able to view men having sex in semi-public situations, which is part of the fantasy, but that leads to another problem: I'm not a guy, so I can't get into bathhouses, and I stick out like a sore thumb in cruisy gay bars. I hear stuff happens in parks but I'm sure guys would scatter if they saw me approach. Plus, it's rude to watch people who don't want to be watched by you. I'm hoping some real live gay guys can chime in here and tell me how they'd feel - or use my throwaway email if you don't want to admit to sex in public ([e-mail]).

So, any ideas on fulfilling my fantasy, or will I have better luck looking for unicorns and Bigfoot? I'm in the Chicago area, FWIW.

posted by anonymous to human relations (13 comments total)

Well, this doesn't sound like a far-fetched idea at all. There are lots of exhibitionists out there. Create a new webmail account and use it to place an ad on Craigslist's "Casual Encounters" section, explaining all your terms in detail. Correspond with respondents until you feel you've got an idea of what they're about. Don't be pressured by the "let's do this tonight" people who will try to rush you, and don't feel the need to send or demand pictures before you're comfortable. Ask for and provide detailed descriptions instead. Use an alias as long as you want to.

I'm sure that people will chime in with OMG CRAIGSLIST CREEPY comments but I assure you it can be perfectly safe if you remember that as the poster you have a lot of power in the situation to manage the exchange to your comfort level. The majority of people using the site are average folk.
posted by loiseau at 6:58 AM on July 8 [1 favorite]

Hi, welcome to the internet. I don't mean to be snarky, but you can fulfill whatever fantasy your little heart desires, particularly voyeuristic ones, right in the comfort of your own home and without the mess and fuss of actual physicall encounters in the meat world. Seriously, there are guys who will let you watch live or just plain porn out there in the billions of bytes, just waiting for your trembling hand to download. Also, if that doesn't do it for you there are many, many gay prostitutes, right in the Chicago area, who would be just as happy to fulfill your fantasy for a fee in a hotel room of your choice.
posted by Pollomacho at 7:01 AM on July 8

....maybe I'm missing the point but if you just want to watch gay men having sex have you consider the vast amounts of gay porn available - online, pay-per-view, dvds.
posted by missmagenta at 7:23 AM on July 8

This doesn't sound difficult, especially in a big city. Craigslist, a personal ad, etc. All you need is an exhibitionist gay couple. That can't be too rare. Offer to film them? I bet there's a convenient match there, a couple who would like a movie made.

For your own safety, your boyfriend could always hang around in the next room or something.

(I doubt porn will do it, in the same way it's in no danger of putting strippers or hookers out of business.)
posted by rokusan at 8:08 AM on July 8

Why can’t you do this with your husband? Being straight doesn’t mean that he can’t have sex with other men, it means he’s not going to be turned on by it (or leave you for the guy). Of course, while in other scenarios simply not being turned on is not much of an excuse—someone who can’t indulge their partner in a long-held uniform fantasy, for example, is not much of a partner—I can understand him having reservations about fucking another guy. For a lot of guys, that’s a place you simply don’t want to go. But it wouldn’t be just him and another guy, it’d be him, the other guy, and you. Moreover, a completely unappealing fantasy can suddenly become really hot when you see how much it turns your partner on.

You mentioned that while you’d mostly be there for the voyeurism you might top them a little; that changes the dynamic. I assume that you have an existing D/s thing going on, however light or occasional. Maybe you could incorporate your fantasy into your regular play, or if it’s light play, maybe your fantasy is something you can work up to. That way, he’s not having sex with another man (which is totally gay), his sexy female dom is making him have sex with another man (which is kinky, but still straight). You might have to participate more than in your fantasy, but it’s better that than nothing, right?

If you’ve had this fantasy since you were 15, it’s not going away any time soon. You're going to indulge it at some point, and I’ll bet that both of you will be happier in the end if your husband is involved somehow. Maybe he’s really laid back and secure enough in your relationship that he doesn’t mind leaving you alone with two ripped, naked men, but I think you can get him in the fantasy with you.

Then again, you know your relationship better than any of us do. If your husband’s down with it but doesn't want to participate, rokusan’s advice sounds spot on.

I don’t really have advice for how to make the public part happen, aside from finding a fetish club or something.
posted by postcommunism at 8:59 AM on July 8

Nthing Craigslist. You can find anything you want there. (I found my husband there.)
posted by Futurehouse at 9:15 AM on July 8

Have you considered being a dominatrix for an evening?
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 9:28 AM on July 8

Why can’t you do this with your husband? Being straight doesn’t mean that he can’t have sex with other men, it means he’s not going to be turned on by it (or leave you for the guy).

Call me crazy, but this sounds pretty silly. I don't see this happening without at least a little bit of bi-curiousness going on.

That way, he’s not having sex with another man (which is totally gay), his sexy female dom is making him have sex with another man (which is kinky, but still straight).

No, it's kinky and bi. There's nothing wrong with that at all, but it's disingenuous to lie to yourself and convince yourself that you're 100% straight if you willingly have sex with a person of the same gender. Accept that you're a little bi and be happy. It's totally okay to do that.
posted by Mikey-San at 10:31 AM on July 8 [1 favorite]

Also: Craigslist, definitely. There are tons of kinky people out there who enjoy letting others watch but not participate. Find yourself a friendly exhibitionist couple and rock the fuck out!
posted by Mikey-San at 10:35 AM on July 8

Gay guy here. You can definitely make this happen via craigslist in chicago. Everything you might want to experience is available.
posted by hworth at 11:12 AM on July 8

> I'd much rather be able to view men having sex in semi-public situations

Why don't you hop on a plane and check out SF's Dore Alley Fair? You'll get an eyeful there. (PG example, but there's plenty of NC-17.)
posted by roger ackroyd at 12:55 PM on July 8

"Why can’t you do this with your husband? Being straight doesn’t mean that he can’t have sex with other men, it means he’s not going to be turned on by it (or leave you for the guy)."

I don't think we'd be giving that advice, genders reversed, to a guy who wanted to watch two women going at it.

Pressuring someone into doing something that uncomfortable could be disastrous to a relationship.
posted by tomble at 3:37 PM on July 8 [1 favorite]

This week's Savage Love features a letter from a gay man who wants to be watched while having sex with another man by a straight woman. So it looks like they're out there!
posted by bubukaba at 5:10 PM on July 8