Lose without being a loser
April 11, 2012 7:16 PM Subscribe
I'm trying to go from a mostly sedentary person who, frankly, is greedy, to someone who enjoys exercise and eats well. But working in an office full of gymbunnies and no-carbers is making it surprisingly hard...
posted by anonymous to health & fitness (24 answers total) 17 users marked this as a favorite
So. I'm taking medication that, essentially, makes you fat and tired. I want to start exercising, not just to control the weight gain, but also for the mental benefits. I'm trying to focus on fitness and eating better rather than weight gain (so I'm not discouraged to look at a scale and see no loss, then give up) as it feels more positive. It's hard for me to exercise - I am dyspraxic, was picked on at school for being 'fat' (most of the time it was a hideous school uniform) and memories of school PE lesson humiliation echo in my ears, and I have to keep reminding myself that nobody is pointing and laughing. I've realised I like exercising on my own rather than in a group, and that I like being outdoors rather than in a grim gym-box, and I'm trying to run with that by walking more and trying Couch to 5K.
However, in the team on which I work, one person is on a weightloss program (think WeightWatchers), another swings between 'detox' and eating fried food for lunch, and others in the office are serious exercisers. One guy lost a lot of weight over the past few years, and is now someone who goes to the gym every day and running at the weekends. It's the kind of thing that makes me think that anyone could do it, but somehow it's having the opposite effect, making me think that exercise is for Them and not for Me.
The problem is - and I'm willing to concede that as a person with bipolar disorder I am paranoid - is that I'm probably the fattest person in the office, and I feel kind of judged. When there are snacks on the snack table, I've often been the first person there as I sit nearby, and comments have been made about this. (I had my birthday cake the day before and had a wee tiny piece so there was enough for the office, and one of these snarky folks was right behind me when I went to cut it, so it could be my sense of humour faliure, but it does get to me.) My yo-yo dieting co-worker went on Slim-Fast at the same time I tried it, and was a little smug when I couldn't hack more than three days (it doesn't mix with Seroquel, apparently, not if you want to be productive and awake.) And the more I feel like I'm not as fit and as exercise-friendly as everyone else, the more I see it's likely that I'll think 'what's the point' and eat something lardy. There is one particularly sympathetic person in the office who has spoken to me herself about her desire to change her weight (as in, 'I want to lose weight' rather than 'everyone who is size X wants to lose weight, don't they?') but because I have physical and medical issues which other people don't deal with it's hard to explain without, as my detoxing team-mate has said 'I only hear excuses..' Trying to train your body to only ask for food when it needs it is really, really difficult with the medication I take and when I put it like that it might sound like an excuse. I dunno.
I want exercise to be a positive addition to my life. I concede that I am often greedy and ill-disciplined when it leads to food hanging around, and as anyone who has comfort or compulsively eaten knows, it's a weird thing where you do something which will make you feel guilty five minutes later. How can I work on getting healthier myself without feeling like I'm being monitored or judged - even if it's all in my head?