How many days are considered "giving him time"?
April 3, 2012 6:42 AM Subscribe
I asked for him to give us another try. He said he didn't know how to respond, needed some time/space to think, and that we'd talk soon. MeFi poll: how many days would this mean to you? Explanation inside.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (26 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
This was a serious relationship (more than a year). Break-up was sort-of mutual (I initiated the conversation but I didn't think it would wind up in it being over; I just wanted to address some things). Occurred approximately 3 weeks ago. We've gotten together once since and had a great time; he said he was surprised and that it made him "want to think about trying again." He also said things that I didn't know - I had felt significant distance from him lately but couldn't get him to talk about it (kept saying everything was "fine") and he finally opened up and said he had had some SAD-type depression going on, that he's been that way for years, that there was additional work stress that I sort of knew about but didn't REALLY know about ... anyways, I mulled this over and asked for another shot a few days later. He responded that he:
- wanted me in his life
- didn't know how to respond
- wanted some time
- didn't want to make me wait
- we could talk soon
So my question: how many days before his lack of response gives me my answer? Or should I call to follow-up, and if so, how many days should that be?
He tends towards the introverted, emotionally-reticent side (atleast as of late, but he wasn't always like this). As for the break-up: I had told him that I didn't think he was treating me the way I envisioned my life-partner to treat me (sharing, communicating, thinking of one another and doing cute little things for each other). He responded that he had been having some serious doubts about our compatibility for a while, that he knew he had been an asshole much of the time, and that he had kept hoping that one day "he and I would click and feel right," but that, for him, that hadn't happened.
I think that our relationship is/was worth one more shot. I honestly think he has some sort of commitment-phobia; I really don't have an explanation for his recent cold behavior. I do NOT think he cheated on me.
I feel like I'm hanging out in the wind here. It's a very lonely place to be. (It's been five days so far.)