I just got divorced and I'm getting back into dating. What's normal?
March 30, 2012 7:52 AM Subscribe
I'm recently divorced and just hopping back into dating. I feel like I'm calibrated all wrong and have no idea what passes for normal. I want you to tell me! Plenty of special snowflake details inside.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (17 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
All my special snowflake details:
I'm 28 now, I got married at 23 and I got divorced about 2 months ago. After 6 weeks of monkish solitude, I started dating a woman I'd a few months earlier and had a really rare connection with. I saw her quite a bit for the first 3 weeks or so- We ended up at the same industry conference for a week and shared a hotel room, we just spent a lot of time together and it was great. Things were going amazingly well.
About 2 weeks after the conference she suddenly started running a little cold. I talked to her about it and she said that it was the first time in a few years that she'd been with someone she really liked and that she was kind of pulling back because her instinct was to lapse into co-dependency and she wanted to preserve the independence she'd earned. I said that was cool because I was, for the first time in 6 years, figuring out how to be alone and that we'd kind of just figure it out as we went. Since then I've seen her maybe twice a week, which is fine.
But I've felt a little off balance. I dated plenty in college, but those were all college relationships at a very small school- i.e., intense, with lots of lax social time to see each other. The relationship that led to my marriage was also a whirlwind- I moved in with her after 3 weeks and basically saw her everyday for the next 6 years. i.e.- That "HEY LETS SEE EACH OTHER CONSTANTLY" pace felt about right to me.
Which is when I realized that I had no idea what an "adult" relationship looked like. So here's my question: For those of you in relationships, late 20's, early 30's, where you both work- How often do you see each other? I realize that the objective answer here is "Well, it depends on the relationship", but I'm interested in anecdotal accounts about your relationship. I'm really just kind of out there and I have no calibration as to what's appropriate. Most of my friends are in long term relationships so they're not quite a help in this regard. Basically, I just need to hear it from the hivemind.