Recovering from crippling anxiety?
March 30, 2012 7:52 AM Subscribe
What sort of resources can I use to stabilize myself from my own anxiety-linked self-sabotage, and how can I utilize them while dodging my own anxiety triggers?
Over the last decade or so I have fallen into anxiety-driven patterns that jeopardize necessary parts of my life. Most notably, I've effectively lost my capacity to handle snail mail, paperwork, and information-about-myself over that period, and for much of that period.
I have no effective social support system to go to on this. Those who do know have no effective feedback. Often they radically underestimate the hold these behavior patterns have on me.
Acquiring mental health support has been attempted. I have not been able to do it because my insurance system requires a physician referral to see a mental health practitioner. I have tried to edge around this by speaking to a short-term employee-counselor and explicitly stated my dilemma (too anxious to see a proper doctor, I'm stuck behind an anxiety wall I can't pass to reach the resource I need). They were not able to suggest a way of dodging this.
Maybe someone here has a notion, however?
Please respect that my psychological reality is important here. I can't simply push through these behavioral blocks. If I could, I would greatly prefer to avoid the humiliation of asking this sort of question, even anonymously.
Over the last decade or so I have fallen into anxiety-driven patterns that jeopardize necessary parts of my life. Most notably, I've effectively lost my capacity to handle snail mail, paperwork, and information-about-myself over that period, and for much of that period.
I have no effective social support system to go to on this. Those who do know have no effective feedback. Often they radically underestimate the hold these behavior patterns have on me.
Acquiring mental health support has been attempted. I have not been able to do it because my insurance system requires a physician referral to see a mental health practitioner. I have tried to edge around this by speaking to a short-term employee-counselor and explicitly stated my dilemma (too anxious to see a proper doctor, I'm stuck behind an anxiety wall I can't pass to reach the resource I need). They were not able to suggest a way of dodging this.
Maybe someone here has a notion, however?
Please respect that my psychological reality is important here. I can't simply push through these behavioral blocks. If I could, I would greatly prefer to avoid the humiliation of asking this sort of question, even anonymously.
In the short term, I have found that mentally screaming NO I WILL DO WHAT IS BEST FOR ME whenever anxiety blocks me from doing something important (like getting to a doctor) really helps. You literally have to scream it internally though. It's rather therapeutic in and of itself.
Be well.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 8:06 AM on March 30, 2012 [8 favorites]
Be well.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 8:06 AM on March 30, 2012 [8 favorites]
Sometimes you just have to do things. I say that with all empathy because I once hit an extremely low point and also had to go through a doctor for a referral for counseling. I just took baby steps until I got there. One day I found the website where I could look up GPs. Another day I looked up GPs and picked one that was convenient to my location and met some of my preferences. Another day, I called to make an appointment. etc. An alternative could be to talk to a friend or family member and say "I really need your help to find a GP for me." Asking this question is a great example of a good step to take, it shows movement in the right direction. Just do what you can do and feel good about the little steps you take. They can be tiny steps even, that's ok.
You can do it.
posted by Kimberly at 8:20 AM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]
You can do it.
posted by Kimberly at 8:20 AM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]
Separating the anxiety as something that is not you can really help. Think of it as a broken arm. The break is not you, the arm is.
To address the mail issue:
I have the same mail fear. Just thinking about it right now is making me feel panicky. So I trick myself, bribe myself, etc. I go through my mail (when I can), when I am on the phone with my best friend listening to her life issues. It takes most of my brain away from the task so I can't carry as much anxiety.
Or I set an alarm for 5 minutes.
Or I tell myself that I can go out and have a nice glass of wine, meal, buy myself a treat on ebay, whatever, if I get through 20 pieces of mail.
I also don't bring mail into the house and dump as much of it as I can in the trash. You will find that that giant pile of 'oh my god, run' is mostly junk. Once it is a junkless mini pile, it's much less scary.
Also, the feeling of having your mail handled and done is such an amazing stress relief that it's a reward in itself.
posted by Vaike at 8:25 AM on March 30, 2012 [2 favorites]
To address the mail issue:
I have the same mail fear. Just thinking about it right now is making me feel panicky. So I trick myself, bribe myself, etc. I go through my mail (when I can), when I am on the phone with my best friend listening to her life issues. It takes most of my brain away from the task so I can't carry as much anxiety.
Or I set an alarm for 5 minutes.
Or I tell myself that I can go out and have a nice glass of wine, meal, buy myself a treat on ebay, whatever, if I get through 20 pieces of mail.
I also don't bring mail into the house and dump as much of it as I can in the trash. You will find that that giant pile of 'oh my god, run' is mostly junk. Once it is a junkless mini pile, it's much less scary.
Also, the feeling of having your mail handled and done is such an amazing stress relief that it's a reward in itself.
posted by Vaike at 8:25 AM on March 30, 2012 [2 favorites]
Please respect that my psychological reality is important here. I can't simply push through these behavioral blocks.
Ok, but you have to push through it. I would strongly recommend doing this with a therapist. As Three Birds of a Feather mentioned, you can put some of the energy you put into writing this post into sorting out the doctor appointment then therapist then therapy situation your insurance has put you in. This is a situation you can and should get around.
I'm not saying this because I don't understand, I've had tons of anxiety issues and
look I had mail issues too. I still do, but now a few times a week I just power through it. Timer is a good idea, also sometimes I just take it to work and open it there. Also autopay helped me.
I talked a bit with my therapist about this issue but bringing my overall anxiety down was really the most helpful for me. Still no idea where the anxiety around mail comes from for me and you and apparently lots of other people when people all over are opening mail no problem. But there is help! You can do this.
posted by sweetkid at 8:49 AM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]
Ok, but you have to push through it. I would strongly recommend doing this with a therapist. As Three Birds of a Feather mentioned, you can put some of the energy you put into writing this post into sorting out the doctor appointment then therapist then therapy situation your insurance has put you in. This is a situation you can and should get around.
I'm not saying this because I don't understand, I've had tons of anxiety issues and
look I had mail issues too. I still do, but now a few times a week I just power through it. Timer is a good idea, also sometimes I just take it to work and open it there. Also autopay helped me.
I talked a bit with my therapist about this issue but bringing my overall anxiety down was really the most helpful for me. Still no idea where the anxiety around mail comes from for me and you and apparently lots of other people when people all over are opening mail no problem. But there is help! You can do this.
posted by sweetkid at 8:49 AM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]
My anxiety is not so severe as yours but I really do understand the mail-opening dread. Ugh.
Do you have a close friend or family member who will come over and sit with you while you open the mail / research doctors / call a few doctors and leave messages requesting appointments?
Sometimes the presence of another person who *isn't* terrified by my pile of paper is amazingly calming. Once you have a therapist, you can open your bills and pay them in their office, until you have it under control and can approach it on your own again. Amazing.
posted by bunderful at 9:55 AM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]
Do you have a close friend or family member who will come over and sit with you while you open the mail / research doctors / call a few doctors and leave messages requesting appointments?
Sometimes the presence of another person who *isn't* terrified by my pile of paper is amazingly calming. Once you have a therapist, you can open your bills and pay them in their office, until you have it under control and can approach it on your own again. Amazing.
posted by bunderful at 9:55 AM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]
I understand this completely. Maybe this might help:
Do you think of it as Schroedinger's mail, where it's both OK and the worst news you've ever heard, all at once, and it's too much and you can't handle that and you cannot look at whatever is there? (Replace "mail" with "email" or "email from boss" or "text message" or "grade" or "editors' comments" or whatever.) I get that. I completely get that. But the thing that works for me is reminding myself that this isn't actually true, that there's actually one outcome in there that won't change whether or not you look at it. It helps sometimes, at least.
posted by dekathelon at 10:55 AM on March 30, 2012 [5 favorites]
Do you think of it as Schroedinger's mail, where it's both OK and the worst news you've ever heard, all at once, and it's too much and you can't handle that and you cannot look at whatever is there? (Replace "mail" with "email" or "email from boss" or "text message" or "grade" or "editors' comments" or whatever.) I get that. I completely get that. But the thing that works for me is reminding myself that this isn't actually true, that there's actually one outcome in there that won't change whether or not you look at it. It helps sometimes, at least.
posted by dekathelon at 10:55 AM on March 30, 2012 [5 favorites]
In many cases you do have to just push past psychological blocks to some degree. The first thing I think you have to remember is that seeing a doctor or therapist isn't going to automatically solve these problems, you are going to have to work on pushing past the blocks at some point and pushing past them will allow you to seek help.
I have problems reading email and opening one of my email accounts because I am searching for jobs right now and EVERYTHING about it, from getting contacted, to scheduling interviews, to interviewing, to waiting for a decision makes me horribly anxious. I would rather just never check that email again and forget finding employment...but that would be a bad decision obviously.
The more I force myself to do this, the easier it becomes to just DO IT. Sometimes I decide that I will check my email, and then I make a cup of tea and do a couple of yoga poses, and then when I sit back down I just open the email first thing.
I have sabotaged myself many times in the past over my anxiety and have made a conscious effort to STOP allowing myself to do this.
posted by fromageball at 11:22 AM on March 30, 2012
I have problems reading email and opening one of my email accounts because I am searching for jobs right now and EVERYTHING about it, from getting contacted, to scheduling interviews, to interviewing, to waiting for a decision makes me horribly anxious. I would rather just never check that email again and forget finding employment...but that would be a bad decision obviously.
The more I force myself to do this, the easier it becomes to just DO IT. Sometimes I decide that I will check my email, and then I make a cup of tea and do a couple of yoga poses, and then when I sit back down I just open the email first thing.
I have sabotaged myself many times in the past over my anxiety and have made a conscious effort to STOP allowing myself to do this.
posted by fromageball at 11:22 AM on March 30, 2012
Can you pay cash for a therapist? I can relate to your situation, and three months ago I borrowed the money for one, which has done me quite a bit of good so far (even if it only served as a weekly anchor).
For what it's worth, "self-sabotage" is probably only an effect, not the actual problem. The sabotage is just what happens when you don't want to deal with other stuff, but "not dealing" is the problem, not the aftermath of being sabotaged. It would be like saying that you "sabotaged" your transportation options when you got in a car accident, or got a flat tire on your bike.
posted by rhizome at 11:27 AM on March 30, 2012
For what it's worth, "self-sabotage" is probably only an effect, not the actual problem. The sabotage is just what happens when you don't want to deal with other stuff, but "not dealing" is the problem, not the aftermath of being sabotaged. It would be like saying that you "sabotaged" your transportation options when you got in a car accident, or got a flat tire on your bike.
posted by rhizome at 11:27 AM on March 30, 2012
I can't simply push through these behavioral blocks.
And for the record, I agree with this. However, just because you can't "simply" push through them doesn't mean you can't "complicatedly" push through them, through some combination of techniques you devise yourself or with the help of a professional.
posted by rhizome at 11:29 AM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]
And for the record, I agree with this. However, just because you can't "simply" push through them doesn't mean you can't "complicatedly" push through them, through some combination of techniques you devise yourself or with the help of a professional.
posted by rhizome at 11:29 AM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]
On getting mental health support: you're not alone - I put off seeing the doctor for months! Have you considered the possibility that even if you do get a referral straight away, it'll still take years and years to make a true recovery? It's been nearly three years since I first spoke to my GP about my depression and anxiety, and even now I can only say I sort of have it under control. Looking back, I seem to have (unconsciously) linked 'doctor' with 'treatment', thus making the act of 'making an appointment' weightier than it really was. So - the first appointment is almost trivial in the grand scheme of things! Keep that in mind and it'll help with the anxiety.
On coping strategies: the way I see it, anxiety disorders are caused by 'bad programming'. There's nothing wrong with your responses per se, i.e. 'see danger - enter fight-or-flight mode', but certain life experiences have led you to associate normal situations with danger. This is what therapy and counselling seeks to undo. With the help of my counsellor I've identified three sources of 'bad programming' - whenever I feel the anxiety welling up I tell myself, "oh it's so-and-so again, not you. You wouldn't feel anxious about this if you hadn't __ in the past. It's ok, try again later." Acknowledge the feeling and wait it out. Refuse to be influenced by it.
posted by fix at 12:01 PM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]
On coping strategies: the way I see it, anxiety disorders are caused by 'bad programming'. There's nothing wrong with your responses per se, i.e. 'see danger - enter fight-or-flight mode', but certain life experiences have led you to associate normal situations with danger. This is what therapy and counselling seeks to undo. With the help of my counsellor I've identified three sources of 'bad programming' - whenever I feel the anxiety welling up I tell myself, "oh it's so-and-so again, not you. You wouldn't feel anxious about this if you hadn't __ in the past. It's ok, try again later." Acknowledge the feeling and wait it out. Refuse to be influenced by it.
posted by fix at 12:01 PM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]
OP, could you update through a mod with a throwaway email address? Or shoot me a memail. I have a couple suggestions that are probably more useful through email. :)
posted by Snarl Furillo at 12:36 PM on March 30, 2012
posted by Snarl Furillo at 12:36 PM on March 30, 2012
Google "dialectical behavioral therapy" or DBT. The techniques are extremely helpful and may help get you moving.
posted by gentian at 1:12 PM on March 30, 2012
posted by gentian at 1:12 PM on March 30, 2012
If you really can't go to the doctor right now there may be some things you can do. I completely understand the dilemma of anxiety getting in the way of the very help you need. I have struggled for years with trying to fight through the anxiety to get help and keep getting it. I am currently in a therapy program that is working for me, slowly but enjoyably. My program is based on mindfulness-based treatment, or a form of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
Briefly, how it works for me is instead of fighting the anxious patterns or distracting myself from them I'm learning to become aware of them and accept them. They have a lot less hold over me when I intentionally turn my attention to them. Sometimes the feelings go away quickly and I'm briefly surprised by not being anxious.
I would recommend The Mindful Way Through Depression (anxiety/depression tend to go hand-in-hand). I work through this book with my therapist but it's useful on your own as well.
In the past I have tried having a visiting nurse come to my home to try to get me to a point where I could go where I needed to go. I don't know where you live but there is probably a Visiting Nurses Association. Often they can take care of things with the insurance and may even send a doctor to your home to take care of the initial referral needs, then send a psychiatric nurse.
posted by Danila at 9:52 PM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]
Briefly, how it works for me is instead of fighting the anxious patterns or distracting myself from them I'm learning to become aware of them and accept them. They have a lot less hold over me when I intentionally turn my attention to them. Sometimes the feelings go away quickly and I'm briefly surprised by not being anxious.
I would recommend The Mindful Way Through Depression (anxiety/depression tend to go hand-in-hand). I work through this book with my therapist but it's useful on your own as well.
In the past I have tried having a visiting nurse come to my home to try to get me to a point where I could go where I needed to go. I don't know where you live but there is probably a Visiting Nurses Association. Often they can take care of things with the insurance and may even send a doctor to your home to take care of the initial referral needs, then send a psychiatric nurse.
posted by Danila at 9:52 PM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]
Snarl Furillo: "OP, could you update through a mod with a throwaway email address? Or shoot me a memail. I have a couple suggestions that are probably more useful through email. :"
Ditto. The thing that works for me is kind of goofy-sounding and I'd rather share through email if possible.
posted by the latin mouse at 3:41 AM on March 31, 2012
Ditto. The thing that works for me is kind of goofy-sounding and I'd rather share through email if possible.
posted by the latin mouse at 3:41 AM on March 31, 2012
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posted by These Birds of a Feather at 8:03 AM on March 30, 2012 [1 favorite]