And hopefully this concoction doesn't explode...
March 16, 2012 7:40 AM Subscribe
The BF initiated the moving in together talk. Am I being ridiculous? (Little snowflakey...)
posted by floweredfish to human relations (31 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
It's me again.
Backstory: Met this guy back in May of last year. We were friends all summer long while I was going through ridiculous bouts of dating. I finally got caught in a crazy love-triangle-like situation back in October, where after consulting MeFi, I decided both of them sucked and went with option C: stay single. Then the dust settled and GuyFriend made a move. Except I never considered dating him at all until said move. Now we're together and happy as can be.
This relationship rocks, even though it's extremely fast moving. I'm almost 32 and he's 38 though, so it just works for us. We're pretty laid back about it all even though it is moving at breakneck pace but it feels right to us both.
At the risk of getting beat up on here (see: fast moving relationship) I could use a little advice. So, we've been dating for a little less than 5 months. Met the parents. Met all the friends. Traveled together. Are totally inseperable. Had the finance talk. Had the values talk. Had the kids talk. Had the past baggage/etc. talk. Check, check, and check - all the Big Deals for me are there. He's an amazing person and I admire so many things and qualities about him. It's great. He's great! Neither one of us is perfect, but we both love and accept each other as we are and honestly, I never knew he was missing from my life until I started dating him. He's awesome.
Anyway, Mr. Awesome BF turned to me the other day and said: "Soooo....how long do you want to let this go until we combine houses?". I am ok with this, or at least I thought I was.
The thing is, we both own our own houses and have both worked our butts off to have said houses and no major debt. We both live in a major city. His place is larger so it makes perfect sense to move in with him. I already voiced my concern about me living there and how we will need to make it my home too (so it doesn't feel like I'm living in HIS house and we can incorporate my stuff too - he said he'd work his darndest to make our house) and how we'd manage bills, etc. - all lights green. I would keep my place but rent it out. I did a ton of research and have appointments with my lawyer and finance lady lined up, insurance coverage is being expanded, condo association is being addressed. Basically our timeline is for me to move out in August or September - plenty of time.
However, what I'm realizing from all this damn research is how complicated things could get if heaven forbid we break up and someone is renting my place. Sure, I'm planning on putting stuff into storage and could always rent another place in a pinch, but still - what a pain in the ass. I lived with a boyfriend about two years ago for three years and we went through an awful break-up and it was utter hell. What I've realized is that I kind of don't want to make the move-in step with current boyfriend unless we're engaged, mostly because there's real estate and real life involved here.
How exactly do I voice this to him without sounding crazy? I don't need to be engaged right now, but don't think I can put myself through that again without knowing that this is the real deal. Am I wrong or old fashioned to think this way? The way things are going, I'm fairly confident that we will get engaged and married eventually and whenever that happens is fine with me. However, I am nervous about this turning into that old relationship where we were stuck in this crappy holding pattern (and I know it won't because current BF is SO different than anyone else I've ever dated). But I don't know how to voice my sillyness of wanting to be engaged before moving in together (because being engaged means just that - we're engaged. Big whoop, right)?
Am I being ridiculous?