Let's hang out ... but only at my place
February 23, 2012 10:00 PM Subscribe
Looking for advice about how to deal with spending a disproportionate amount of time at one person's house when in a relationship ... while my situation may be unique, I'm hoping others have done the dating-while-living-with-folks thing, or the dating-with-a-horrible-roommate thing, or dating-someone-who-doesn't-drive thing. I can feel myself getting resentful, and that's not fair - it's no one's fault.
posted by athena2255 to human relations (22 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
The details: been together over a year. Not ready to cohabitate, yet. I own, he rents. I bought my house years ago with a previous partner which ended long ago. To help pay the mortgage, I have an (awesome) roommate ... who has cats. Whereas my guy is really, REALLY allergic to cats (roommate has been with me longer than my guy). Last time he came over for a 2 hour meal with my folks, he ended up using his inhaler 3 times. Not good. BUT ... if I ask roomie to ditch the cats, roomie will leave. And my guy and I aren't ready to move in together (I'm gonna guess another 3-6 months). Roomie is awesome and I don't want to risk finding another renter who could be awful (I've had some experiences), plus I'm not sure how the timeline with me and my guy will go - it seems rude to find someone to move in, only to ask them to move out 3 months later.
So: I accept that this situation WILL NOT CHANGE anytime soon. I spend about half my time at my guy's place and half at my own (without him). So how can I start feeling BETTER about this, and nip these resentful feelings in the bud?
As an example: when we hang out, he'll often do "house things" at the same time ... pay bills while waiting for the lasagna to bake. Do laundry while watching a movie. Deep-clean the stove while we're washing dishes. And all I can think is: Man, I wish I could do MY laundry! I wish we were cleaning MY stove! I'VE got bills to pay!
I'm thinking that I either need to reframe this in my head and stop this negative way of thinking, or I need to start "encroaching" some of my stuff into his space. How does one go about doing that? I have a drawer that I keep a spare outfit or two in, and that's about it. My computer (a desktop) can't go to his house with me, bringing my laundry seems like more of a pain in the butt than doing it at home ... I bring the occasional book but ... any ideas? Either with bringing over my "stuff" or getting over this mental hurdle?