Harassed-- person will not accept any kind of response.
March 2, 2012 3:53 PM Subscribe
What can you do in this situation? I'm tired of getting harassed and tired of seeing my boyfriend get harassed. Can I file a no-contact order? Details inside.
My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost a year. He gave a woman who he was acquaintances with a tattoo at a reasonable price given the complexity of the tattoo. She has an addiction to pills and had to keep popping pills to make it through the tattoo (it was a spirograph type circle). Please note this is a not a question of the tattoo having an area that needed a touch up--it does, he offered that to her, she will not accept anything from him. This is a question of when is enough harassment enough?
She said she loved it for the first six weeks after it was done (and said she wanted to get it touched up in that area), then she called my boyfriend (the call was placed to my cell phone) at midnight during a weekday screaming at him demanding all of the money for her tattoo. Like any artist he said "I did the work, I can't refund you, but I can touch it up"-- to which she said she didn't want him to touch her arm. OK-- fair enough. After she yelled for an hour, he said he would give her some of the money back.
That turned into a war of Facebook messages to him, text messages to me (he's sent one message back, I've ignored all the texts and messages), threatening to sue and to otherwise find her "friends" to get her money back one way or another. The one response to her messages my boyfriend sent is "Leave my girlfriend alone, or we will involve the police." To which she said "I'll say you stole my money." She also has time and time again said she will make sure that he will never get any tattoo work in our town again.
We laughed at that at first...and then my boyfriend was forced to resign from his job at a local gas station today. The reason being his boss (who knows this girl) started yelling at him about the tattoo. It was obvious then she'd talked to his boss (a GAS STATION MANAGER) about this. I finally blocked her account on both my boyfriend and I's Facebooks. The big question is do I have a right to place a no-contact order? Since this has been going on for 2 weeks, it seems like it may continue until she simply can't come near us or contact us in any way.
What do you suggest? More importantly, can this be a legal issue or is this a personal issue?
My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost a year. He gave a woman who he was acquaintances with a tattoo at a reasonable price given the complexity of the tattoo. She has an addiction to pills and had to keep popping pills to make it through the tattoo (it was a spirograph type circle). Please note this is a not a question of the tattoo having an area that needed a touch up--it does, he offered that to her, she will not accept anything from him. This is a question of when is enough harassment enough?
She said she loved it for the first six weeks after it was done (and said she wanted to get it touched up in that area), then she called my boyfriend (the call was placed to my cell phone) at midnight during a weekday screaming at him demanding all of the money for her tattoo. Like any artist he said "I did the work, I can't refund you, but I can touch it up"-- to which she said she didn't want him to touch her arm. OK-- fair enough. After she yelled for an hour, he said he would give her some of the money back.
That turned into a war of Facebook messages to him, text messages to me (he's sent one message back, I've ignored all the texts and messages), threatening to sue and to otherwise find her "friends" to get her money back one way or another. The one response to her messages my boyfriend sent is "Leave my girlfriend alone, or we will involve the police." To which she said "I'll say you stole my money." She also has time and time again said she will make sure that he will never get any tattoo work in our town again.
We laughed at that at first...and then my boyfriend was forced to resign from his job at a local gas station today. The reason being his boss (who knows this girl) started yelling at him about the tattoo. It was obvious then she'd talked to his boss (a GAS STATION MANAGER) about this. I finally blocked her account on both my boyfriend and I's Facebooks. The big question is do I have a right to place a no-contact order? Since this has been going on for 2 weeks, it seems like it may continue until she simply can't come near us or contact us in any way.
What do you suggest? More importantly, can this be a legal issue or is this a personal issue?
Is there any reason why you can't just give her the money back? I mean, besides principle? It would probably be worth it to be rid of her.
posted by stockpuppet at 4:02 PM on March 2, 2012
posted by stockpuppet at 4:02 PM on March 2, 2012
It sounds like you might be able to sue her for slander (and maybe harassment). Maybe talk to a lawyer? This sounds messed up.
posted by amtho at 4:06 PM on March 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by amtho at 4:06 PM on March 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
If that was really the reason your boyfriend got fired, I would look into seeing if that's legal. And it's harassment -- document everything. However if your boyfriend was doing something legally questionable, you might be better off just returning her money.
posted by DoubleLune at 4:13 PM on March 2, 2012
posted by DoubleLune at 4:13 PM on March 2, 2012
In my state this would likely be enough to qualify for an anti-harassment order. Every state's laws are different. Although the anti-harassment order is a simple thing for an unrepresented person to get where they exist, I think if I were you I'd talk to a lawyer both to see if you can get an order and to make sure you've got someone in your corner in case she tries to follow through with her threats.
As usual, IANYL . . .
posted by bearwife at 4:15 PM on March 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
As usual, IANYL . . .
posted by bearwife at 4:15 PM on March 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Lots of people who have addictions and are struggling financially will, when they are super-strapped for money, run through a mental list of people they have recently done business with and, out of desperation, will make up some bullshit complaint against one of these service providers in hope of getting a refund. These people are masters at manipulation and verbal abuse and just plain "acting a fool." I see this all the time in my line of work, criminal defense attorney ... people will pay me a few hundred bucks and then, who knows what comes up, they suddenly need money. They'll come up with all kinds of stupid complaints to get a refund. I guess lots of service providers are pushovers or don't feel like arguing, so they give money back. (I never do.) But that's what your boyfriend is seeing here: an addict who thinks she can get a refund. It has nothing to do with being dissatisfied, it's a straight-up hustle, and he should treat her as any other hustler or thief and tell her to fuck off. She will get the message if he's emphatic enough.
If he wants to protect himself against some bogus criminal complaint, go on down to the police station and file a report of harassment just to be the first on the record. Take the FB messages (don't erase those!). It doesn't matter if police act on the complaint, he just wants to be on record if this addict does something really crazy.
posted by jayder at 4:15 PM on March 2, 2012 [42 favorites]
If he wants to protect himself against some bogus criminal complaint, go on down to the police station and file a report of harassment just to be the first on the record. Take the FB messages (don't erase those!). It doesn't matter if police act on the complaint, he just wants to be on record if this addict does something really crazy.
posted by jayder at 4:15 PM on March 2, 2012 [42 favorites]
Oh yeah, and DON'T REFUND HER MONEY!
posted by jayder at 4:16 PM on March 2, 2012 [11 favorites]
posted by jayder at 4:16 PM on March 2, 2012 [11 favorites]
1) Turn off wall posts and/or defriend her on Facebook.
2) Tell her to sue
3) File a harassment complaint with you local PD even if they do nothing about it
4) Log all contact with this woman
posted by DarlingBri at 4:29 PM on March 2, 2012 [7 favorites]
2) Tell her to sue
3) File a harassment complaint with you local PD even if they do nothing about it
4) Log all contact with this woman
posted by DarlingBri at 4:29 PM on March 2, 2012 [7 favorites]
I'm so sorry you're both going through this - but, hopefully, he has a consent form? (Especially one with clauses like this one's?) If he has, he can stonewall her and work to counteract her claims with people he wants to retain good relations with however he can, even if it's "Bless her heart - that chick is cray cray" - though hopefully it's more like a sorry headshake and "She has problems - I'm so sorry that I got involved. I'll pray for her."
If he hasn't, the price of the tattoo is a small price to pay for the lesson learned. At least.
If the latter is the case, the price to pay also includes what it takes to get a lawyer to draw up the form he'll be using in the future, along with a letter or form refunding her, with a line that she'll sign absolving him of any further responsibility and agreeing that she'll make no further claims and informing her of what actions your boyfriend will take if she proceeds with any further defamation. That, along with his police complaint, he can offer to anyone who calls him on it.
I like to think that in life, you get one tattoo for the price of a six pack, if you want it. From then on, you go to professionals who act like professionals -- ones who won't pretend you aren't in an altered state and who will raise an eyebrow at the Aztec Camera tattoo you think you want below the belt.
posted by peagood at 7:08 PM on March 2, 2012
If he hasn't, the price of the tattoo is a small price to pay for the lesson learned. At least.
If the latter is the case, the price to pay also includes what it takes to get a lawyer to draw up the form he'll be using in the future, along with a letter or form refunding her, with a line that she'll sign absolving him of any further responsibility and agreeing that she'll make no further claims and informing her of what actions your boyfriend will take if she proceeds with any further defamation. That, along with his police complaint, he can offer to anyone who calls him on it.
I like to think that in life, you get one tattoo for the price of a six pack, if you want it. From then on, you go to professionals who act like professionals -- ones who won't pretend you aren't in an altered state and who will raise an eyebrow at the Aztec Camera tattoo you think you want below the belt.
posted by peagood at 7:08 PM on March 2, 2012
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It should be a don't engage with the crazy issue, as much as humanly possible.
posted by jsturgill at 4:01 PM on March 2, 2012 [1 favorite]