How to find abundance in love
February 20, 2012 3:01 PM Subscribe
What do you do to feel that love is abundant in the world?
posted by 3491again to human relations (25 answers total) 39 users marked this as a favorite
I grew up in a dysfunctional family where love was associated with abuse and then was in an abusive relationship for several years. I am in a new relationship and I'm finding that I'm extremely insecure that my love will go away. I think part of this insecurity is that I feel like love is a scarce quantity and I have to perform a certain way to keep it, hang onto it tightly, and generally be pretty unhealthy out of my desire for it.
I also feel afraid of being taken advantage of, and of letting other people use me because I am so desperate for love. Sometimes I feel in so much despair about being able to love and trust that I wonder if I will ever let anyone in.
I function really well on a superficial level, but getting close to people scares me a lot. I'm like a stray cat that needs to be lured closer and closer with saucers of milk before she will let anyone pet her.
I've been in relationships before, but I'm not very good with intimacy. I think a big part of this is feeling that love is something very scarce in the world. I want to see love with abundance, not scarcity.
The reality is that there is a lot of love in my life outside of this new relationship. I have a lot of wonderful friends. I have a new boyfriend who keeps telling me how much he loves me and shows me as often as he can. I have some family members who, despite their faults, have shown me love over the years. I find it easy to meet people and make new friends. I'm good at taking care of myself and enjoy my time alone. In other words, I think a lot of this love scarcity is in my head.
So, my questions:
- Did you grow up in a loving environment? How did this contribute to a feeling of abundance about love in your life? Are there lessons you can pass along to someone like me?
- How do you cultivate an attitude of openness to love and intimacy in your life? How do you let other people's love into your heart without being afraid of what you will do to get it or that it will go away?
- What else might help me in my quest to change my attitude about this?
(I'm not a pet person, and am not in a life situation where that would make sense as I travel a lot and live in a place that does not allow pets. Ditto for plants, unfortunately. Yes, I'm in therapy. Yes, I know that love is risky.)