I miss my boyfriend. This other guys is nice. Help!
January 6, 2012 8:49 PM Subscribe
Am I emotionally cheating on my boyfriend?
posted by Emms to human relations (34 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Background: I am a 23 year old female in a relationship with a 23 year old male. We've been together for four months, and are currently living (many) hours apart. While we haven't been together THAT long, we feel very strongly for each other, and are tentatively talking about what we can do to eventually end the long distance. This is the first serious relationship for both of us.
I recently made a new friend at work. A guy. We've been having lots of conversations in between shows (this is the performing arts business), and we've hit it off as it turns out we have a lot in common. I've thought for the past few days that he might be interested in me, but I'm often off the mark about these things and didn't want to jump to conclusions.
Well, today he asked me out. I said no thank you (of course) because I have a boyfriend, but that I would happily hang out as friends. Now, the issue is that this guy is exactly the type of guy that I would be into if I was single. He's pretty good looking, and we seem to get along very well. If I was single, there's no doubt in my mind that I would have accepted his offer, and been very flattered and excited and optimistic about it, because he's very much the kind of person that I would be into. He seems like a really nice guy. Since he asked me out, I've noted to myself that it's a shame I'm not single because if I was I would be totally into this guy. To be perfectly honest, I am attracted to him a bit. This takes nothing away from how much I care for my boyfriend, of course, but is kind of disconcerting to me BECAUSE I have my boyfriend.
This is the first time I've ever been asked out by somebody while in a relationship that I would go out with if NOT in a relationship, and I guess I'm not sure of the correct way to emotionally approach it. Usually I just get attention from mildly creepy guys on the street who I gladly brush off the advances of ("Ugh, my boyfriend is so much better than you creeps!") as opposed to nice guys I would actually consider dating material in other circumstances ("Oh...that really is too bad.")
I would never physically cheat on my boyfriend (he's a wonderful guy and I'm really happy with him) but I wonder if even thinking the stuff above about how this guy from work would be nice to date and how I'm a bit attracted is emotionally cheating on him. As I said, I've never been in a serious relationship before, so I'm kind of learning how things go as I go along. I sure know I would be sad and a bit shaken up if my boyfriend found himself slightly attracted to someone else, but I think as long as he was happy with me and it didn't threaten us I think it would be alright. This does NOT threaten me and my boyfriend. I would not cheat on him. I AM happy with him.
I wonder if some of this has to do with my boyfriend being far away? I miss him terribly and we stay in fairly good contact, but I suppose if he were physically around me more often I wouldn't feel the slight tug I get when talking to this other guy. I would get my tug whenever I would see my boyfriend, but that hasn't been for two weeks now. (Gosh, I miss him.)
Also, I was talking to my friend who was saying I shouldn't hang out with this guy as it would cause too much temptation. Nothing physical would ever happen, but I do think that it might be an opportunity for more mixed up emotions.
Help! Am I betraying my boyfriend emotionally? I don't want to be! Am I right to be confused and disconcerted over this?