Geometry of the Relationship Sense.
October 11, 2011 12:34 PM Subscribe
Love Triangle-type situation Filter: Halp!
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (17 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I've recently found myself in the middle of a ridiculous situation and could really use some advice on how to get through it.
Background: I'm a 33 year old single woman city-dweller. My past year has been spent picking up the pieces after a brief (8 month) relationship with a committmentophobe ended in February because I told him that I loved him and he essentially bolted (after of course, traveling together, spending all kinds of awesome time together, meeting each other's families, etc. etc. I felt totally used and broken, and therefore took some time off). I have been on dates since, but no real prospects. I ended up joining a bowling league in late June to get out of the house and have managed to meet a ton of really solid, good, new friends.
Around August or so, one of the guys in the league developed a crush on me. I know this because I have people literally coming up to me and telling me that it's painfully obvious and they almost feel bad for him. He's a sweetheart though, and we seem to hit it off, so I've been spending more time with him to see if anything happens. Well, I think I've been slowly developing feelings for him, and it's pretty awesome! Even my non-bowling friends approve! Nothing has really happened between us, because it's just turning into this slow, smoldering Thing rather than a flash-in-the-pan Thing. This is very, very different for me because I tend to go into things full throttle, but I'm just going with it. The issue is that he's horrifically shy and and several years older than me, which makes me anxious due to my past with the committmentophobe. Where normally I would make a move, I'm nervous about putting myself back into a similar situation. Other than that, we obviously have our shared bowling league interest, similar humor and he's supportive, funny and very nice. He's not really physically the type of person I'd go for, but I've been told that giving something different as a chance is a good idea. Overall, we have a blast together and see each other about once or twice a week on top of bowling night.
Meanwhile, a different guy friend on the league, who is friends with both me and the shy-guy-crusher confessed to me the other evening that he also has a crush on me. He actually asked me out on a real date though. I did not see this coming at all. He has not told the shy-guy-crusher about any of this and they are teammates/acquaintances. The issue is though, that I would also give this guy a chance because we get along great. He's a little closer to my age, and I could see it working for us too.
HiveMind, what do I do about this situation? I really don't want my poor bowling league to get screwed up with drama. I like both of these guys and could see myself dating either but am feeling confused. Has anyone been in a situation like this? What advice can you offer me? I feel like I'm at a point right now where *I* need to say something to someone. Shy-guy-crusher and I have been spending lots of time together but nothing has happened and meanwhile the other guy asks me out to dinner this week (I said yes, but am now wondering if this was a bad idea).
As of right now, I was thinking about confronting the shy-guy-crusher, but I also don't feel ready to have the whole gf-bf conversation, mostly because I feel like we're not there yet and I'm still figuring out if I like him. I like taking things ultra slow actually, because I've been so kicked around in the past. I'd be OK with dating multiple people until I figure things out, but I'm concerned that they're actually friends/acquaintances/teammates and I see them both on a regular basis. However, I don't want to string anyone along and create a mess. Thanks.