I screwed up, and realized too late that my friend is in love with the guy I am seeing. We're not serious. Should I stop seeing him?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (45 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Back story: I have been friends with this girl for about 3 years. We go out together a lot, and have been through good times and boyfriend times. We work in the same field, go to the same bars and events, and hang out a couple days a week.
We went to a networking event together, and met a guy there. While I made the rounds, he talked with my friend, and then when I finished my rounds, he talked to me, and at the end of our networking event, he asked for my number. I asked for both his and his friend's business cards, and promptly after I went home, I added them on facebook. A week later, he texted me and asked if I wanted to go to a concert with him, and when I couldn't, he asked if I could meet up with him for drinks. A few more dates later, we were seeing each other a couple times a week.
This is where it gets messy. I met with the guy and his friend who was at the networking event at a bar, and the guy suggested I bring my friend along so that his friend could have someone to have drinks with. I texted my friend, but it was late, and she had work early the next day. When I met up with, I brought up the guys and said that one of them had asked about her.
She became really, really excited. She wanted to know which one, and if it was the one with the blue eyes (the guy). I freaked and lost a spine in the process and said that both had asked for her. For the next week, she kept asking whether he had asked about her. At this time, the guy and I never really told his friends we were dating, but we hung out together a lot.
I admitted that I was sort of seeing him, and that it wasn't really serious because he was moving to New York soon for school. And one of his other friends asked my friend out, so I thought that things would be cool.
Well, I am still seeing the guy since he moved to New York. Since I live 4 hours away, taking the bus hasn't been a problem. It's still not as serious as it looks to everyone, and I don't really have a problem with it. But my friend does, and since I introduced her to the gatherings that he and his friends hold, she brings up the number of times he'd talk to her or the time he wrote happy birthday on her facebook page (she friend-requested him, and he says happy birthday to everybody).
Looking back, I had missed the signs that she had liked him when we went to the networking event, which means I am an idiot at signals. The only thing I can remember her saying that should have given me pause was, "They really liked you." And when I first met up with him for drinks, I thought we were going to talk about work (which is all I usually talk about). I did not mean any harm, yet I have caused harm to my friend. I enjoy his company, and I like going up to NYC to enjoy his company as much as I like hanging out with my friend in town. But if it is causing my friend pain, and she wants to move to New York for him, I am thinking I should stop seeing him. I haven't talked to her yet, but I want to do it next week. What should I say? Should I stop seeing this guy?