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November 7, 2011 8:23 PM Subscribe
If I get attached to people easily, how do I learn to pace myself so I stop getting hurt when things don't work out?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (19 answers total) 34 users marked this as a favorite
I am a female in my mid 20s living in a fairly large North American city. I have been casually dating for most of the year, meeting men mostly through online dating. I am a pretty extroverted person and I think I relate well to others so I don't usually have a hard time getting along with people.
I'm getting more and more frustrated with dating because I don't know how to stop myself from developing feelings "too soon". Example: the most recent guy that I dated. We went on a few dates, and after date #3, we made out and cuddled for a few hours. When the night ended, he kissed me goodbye and texted me on his way home to say he was looking forward to seeing me again. Two days later, he tells me he's not attracted to me and he wants to call it off. Then I feel stupid for having been excited about where things were headed.
I'm okay with people not being attracted to me and I know things won't work out with everyone, but I find it difficult to not get excited about dating someone with whom I've had 3 great dates and some really awesome kissing. I don't date people just to date them (I've broken things off with guys because I wasn't feeling it), so this isn't a matter of being happy about everyone I date/everyone that's willing to go out with me. When I like someone and they seem to reciprocate I'm happy about it, but now I'm never sure when I should let myself feel good/safe with those feelings.
How do I know when it's okay to let my guard down? How do you date people without getting excited about it, even if it's going well?