How to let down someone who has a crush on me?
September 19, 2011 10:06 AM Subscribe
She has a crush on me. I don't feel the same way about her. What should I do?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (19 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I've been acquainted with Annette for years, but it's only been lately that we've gotten to know one another. I like her just fine, but only as a friend. I don't believe I've ever said or done anything to suggest otherwise.
She's developed a crush on me. I've had some hints of this from her demeanor, which were confirmed recently when our mutual friend Anthony confided her feelings to me. (He was a little vague as to whether he did so with her knowledge or permission.) He urged me to ask Annette out; I, not quite knowing what to say, demurred without telling him conclusively that I can't return her feelings.
(Is the reason important? The main one is that I feel that our personalities don't match. I've dated girls of similar temperament before; the relationships ended badly each time, costing me a friendship or two.)
What should I do? Normally, I would keep things at a just-friends distance in my conversations with Annette and hope that her feelings would fade with time; but Anthony's intervention forces the issue. Even if she doesn't know that he told me about her feelings, I'm still going to have tell him directly that I'm not interested; if she does know, I'm going to have to tell both of them.
My friendships with Annette and Anthony are important to me. I want to let her down as kindly as possible. I have no experience with this kind of thing whatsoever - at least, not as the crushee.
If you've had to let someone down before, how did you do it? What did you say? Afterwards, did you have to change or even suspend your relationship?
Or, if you've been let down in a way that preserved your feelings and your friendship, how did it happen?
Thanks in advance.
(Oh, yeah - Annette, Anthony, and I are in our mid-twenties. I'm a straight guy, currently single.)