Why is it hard for me to gain an erection and cum?

September 3, 2011 4:23 PM

Why is it hard for me to gain an erection and cum?

I am a 20 year old male. I weigh between 106-109 pounds and my height is 5 feet 6 inches. It is sometimes hard for me to gain an erection. I almost always have to be watching, looking, or reading some form of pornographic material. After that it takes me a while to cum and i only shoot out a little semen. After that i am very sweaty and out of breath. What could be wrong with me? Also i am a Virgin.

posted by shywolf91 to health & fitness (19 answers total)

Has your amount of ejaculate decreased recently, or does it just not seem like very much? How often do you masturbate?

Also: yourbrainonporn.com -- it's a little sensationalist, but I tend to agree with the idea that porn is so stimulating that, over time, you can become somewhat reliant on it to become aroused.
posted by trevyn at 4:29 PM on September 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

Dicks are like dogs: you train them to respond to certain commands. Tell a dog to sit and the dog will sit. Tell your dick to get hard from watching porno and jerking off in a specific way and it will. But tell your dog to bark the theme to Dr.Who and it will have some trouble.

You have trained your dick to respond to porn and a specific masturbation technique. So you should train your dick to respond to different stimuli. First, don't use porno as often. Your brain is capable of making of making all sorts of filth, give it a try. Second, switch up how you jerk off. I can't recommend a Fleshlight or a Fleshjack enough. No hole will ever be as tight as your first, so this toy trains your dick to respond to stimuli similar to what you would find in someone else.

Again, you don't have to give up porn or your favorite hand. But you do have to mix things up.
posted by munchingzombie at 4:34 PM on September 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

drink more water. put more time between jacking off. it's a myth that all men get hard at the drop of a hat (or a lift of a skirt). it's also a myth that men are always ready for sex/arousal.
posted by nadawi at 4:38 PM on September 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

Are you taking any medication? Anti-depressants?
posted by taff at 4:38 PM on September 3, 2011

Unless you double-typoed your tens spot, you are very underweight.

Assuming you eat a normal/healthy diet, you should go to the doctor. You may have an underlying health issue contributing to your problems. I promise you that your doctor has heard/seen all kinds of crazy things; this is nothing. You shouldn't be embarrassed at all about bringing up sexual health questions while you're there for a checkup.
posted by phunniemee at 4:48 PM on September 3, 2011 [6 favorites]

I was just going to ask about the medications. That's definitely a thing. (And, importantly, not permanent; you'd just need to consult your doctor about changing medications.)

Technique-wise: Start light. You gotta stroke it before you jerk it.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:49 PM on September 3, 2011

Are you using lube? If you're not, you should be!
posted by davey_darling at 5:01 PM on September 3, 2011

Unless you double-typoed your tens spot, you are very underweight.

As a very healthy man who was exactly this weight, height and age twenty years ago, I have to disagree. Some men are just small-boned and skinny, and otherwise healthy and sexually active.

There's a lot of other good advice here, including the second paragraph of phunniemee's comment.
posted by ferdydurke at 5:04 PM on September 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

Some men are just small-boned and skinny, and otherwise healthy and sexually active.

Oh, no doubt. He absolutely could be healthy. But in fact he is technically underweight for his height and age, and that should be checked out by a professional, statistical anomaly or not.
posted by phunniemee at 5:58 PM on September 3, 2011 [4 favorites]

Speaking as someone who is underweight, skinny, small boned, and with a mild case of Crohn's disease and therefore have to consume ~3000+ calories a day to break even and managed to get up to ~124 lbs at 5'5" after a good deal of overeating, I would say that he is, in fact, quite underweight.

I'm still fairly underweight.
posted by Strudel at 6:04 PM on September 3, 2011

You need to find yourself a woman, mate. Or a man - whatever floats your boat.

You're 20 and you're only masturbating. Porn is the only stimulus you have other than your imagination, which is quite possibly being overruled by the part of your mind that knows nothing is going on. Try a stimulus in the form of actual sexytimes with another person.

My point is, I think you're overestimating your problem here. At least potentially.
posted by J. Wilson at 6:31 PM on September 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

What is a "small amount" of cum? I worry that your beliefs about what's normal have been skewed by porn. Usually men ejaculate a tablespoon or two.
posted by kestrel251 at 7:57 PM on September 3, 2011

Usually men ejaculate a tablespoon or two.

Two tablespoons would be a lot of spunk, even for a porno guy. Far from "usual."

From wikipedia entry on male ejaculate (caution: contains photos of penises ejaculating):

The force and amount of semen that will be ejected during an ejaculation will vary widely between men and may contain between 0.1 and 10 milliliters.[10] (By way of comparison, note that a teaspoon is 5 ml and a tablespoon holds 15 ml.)

posted by birdherder at 8:38 PM on September 3, 2011

Um, maybe I'm not good with tablespoons and teaspoons. A teaspoon or two!
posted by kestrel251 at 9:11 PM on September 3, 2011

Nothing wrong with porn.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:22 PM on September 3, 2011

If you, and I hope you do, use condoms, check what they have in or on them. If they have any sort of "climax control" stuff on there, this could likely be an issue.

I had a guy using such a condom, and let's just say that when I happened to taste the lube, it tasted exactly like the stuff dentists use to numb your mouth. I spat it out, he was all "Omg, you're right!", and after we stopped using those condoms, we had much better success with getting him and keeping him hard.
posted by DisreputableDog at 12:00 PM on September 4, 2011

Oh duh. On review, my answer really isn't relevant. Sorry.
posted by DisreputableDog at 12:01 PM on September 4, 2011

Unless you double-typoed your tens spot, you are very underweight.

BMI is 17.5. That is very slightly underweight. And not at all relevant.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:12 PM on September 4, 2011

I think the simple answer is you just need to eat more protein. Try upping your protein and fats, I notice that protein intake definitely affects my umm.. "performance"

Also throw in some exercise that can't hurt.
posted by Takeyourtime at 1:58 PM on September 5, 2011 [1 favorite]