I freeze up on dates and I fail. What do I do.
August 12, 2011 1:14 PM Subscribe
I've been going on some dates lately, usually with women that I really like. Except I hype the date up so much in my head that by the time it happens I literally have nothing to offer because I am no longer acting like myself and I freeze up. And I bomb.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (28 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
The process is:
1) Meet awesome girl
2) Get number
3) Ask out - she says yes! I'm not afraid of asking people out if I think a connection is there.
4) Obsess - I mean completely OBSESS - until the day of the date. What am I going to talk about? What will I say? What will I wear? What should we do? What if we make out? What if we have sex? What should I ask her? What if the bar/restaurant I chose is too crowded and there's a long wait? What if the food is shit? What if? Why? When? Where?
5) Day of date arrives, so goddamn nervous I'm shaking.
6) Go on date - have nothing to talk about. Too nervous. Spew stupid shit/terrible jokes/obviously inane small talk with PAINFULLY awkward silences between. Bomb completely.
7) Borderline hover-hand hug goodnight and never speak again.
This fucking sucks. It's like my brain is subconsciously trying to make me be alone for the rest of my life. I try to nip each problem in the bud too: Obsessing over the date during the coming days? I stay busy, I have a full time job, I work out, I go out with friends and partake in my hobbies.
The easy answer to this question is, "well it sounds like you're just going on dates and the connection isn't there - you'll be okay!" But the connection IS there. I'll meet these women and a connection is SO there, the only thing fucking it up is my neurosis and anxiety and propensity to blow up small things into big things.
And this doesn't happen with anything else! I give presentations to clients at work, I breeze into parties and make friends with everyone there - I know how to be extroverted! I really do. People can energize me. But when it comes to spending alone time with a woman I like, it's just completely nerve wracking I'm so afraid she can feel me shaking that I just freeze out completely. It's awful.
I've tried meds. I've tried therapy. I don't know what to do. I wish I could say some magic line on dates like "I'm so sorry if I act awkward, it's just because I like you and you make me really nervous," but I realize life is not a movie and that would probably make things more awkward.