Bikes, books, Brooklyn, and boredom: help me normalize my expectations of OkCupid.
June 19, 2011 11:09 AM Subscribe
Please help me manage my expectations about online dating!
posted by sideofwry to Human Relations (24 answers total) 20 users marked this as a favorite
I am a 30 yr-old woman living in Brooklyn: cute, smart, funny, in good shape, currently attending grad school to pursue my dreams after an interesting and artsy career. I also have been single for 4 solid years. I vacillate between wanting a partner very much and not caring less (I don't want kids). IRL dating for one reason or another is very difficult for me -- NYC, getting older, not a lot of available men in my friend/academic/work circles.
I've been in and out of the online dating game, most recently on OkCupid. The dates I go on are. . . fine. Some are horrible, some are boring, some seem promising and then interest peters out quickly. My problem comes when I really hit it off with someone online, meet them, and things are good. . . but can't hold a candle to the deep, palpable connections I've experienced with my past likes and loves. This plunges me into a pit of despair and loneliness in which I contemplate staying in my apartment and never dating again.
I know that this is in part do to my own skewed expectations, but is there any way I can be better about changing that? What *should* one expect from an initial meeting with someone who online seems just fantastic? And, for bonus points, how do I deal with my (all happily coupled) friends who, when I talk about this -- rarely -- either blow me off or tell me I'm silly because "I can have sex whenever I want, if I just tried."