Like a moth to a flame
April 16, 2011 5:12 PM Subscribe
Why am I drawn to certain people like a moth to a flame?
posted by 3491again to human relations (17 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
I'm trying to work some things out in my head about why I'm attracted to certain kinds of people. I'm attracted to this person who is bad for me and I can't seem to let him go. When we're together I'm ecstatically happy. When we're apart, he is very emotionally withholding and it hurts terribly.
He has a certain kind of cold stillness in him that I really like, an independence and strength. He reminds me a lot of the character of Gabe in the television show Six Feet Under, the crazy guy who holds up a liquor store that Claire falls in love with. He's a bastard, but there's something so attractive about him, at least before he goes off the deep end. I can't put my finger on it, though. Why am I drawn to him? If you know the show, why was Claire drawn to Gabe?
I am trying to figure out why I am so attracted to this person, and whether I can find the same qualities in a healthier relationship, or whether we can work out our differences together. Does it ever happen that these sorts of relationships work out? Can we grow together and maintain this attraction while fixing the parts of our psychologies that don't work well together? Or are all relationships of this sort doomed? Or perhaps some third way?
So, I want to keep this away from chatfilter, but I want to hear about your experiences to help me place my situation in context. Have you ever been a moth to a flame?
What attracted you to them?
- Did you find the same qualities in a healthier relationship or did you just stop wanting those things?
- Did you eventually work out your differences while keeping the attraction with the same person?
- Did you get what you needed in another way (from another relationship or activity or within yourself)?
Thank you, Mefites. (Some people have messaged me privately, so it's good to know that my questions are at least helping others think through these issues.)