I'm gay! Oh wait, maybe I just am trying to stir up trouble in my hetero relationship.
March 6, 2011 9:34 AM Subscribe
Questioning my sexuality. In a relationship. Also, how do I get over my completely unhealthy need for drama in a relationship? I believe these two issues are conflated in my case.
posted by tweedle to Human Relations (8 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Hi, I posted something like this anon a few weeks ago but now I can't find it. It was to the effect of, how do I know I shouldn't be with a girl?
My boyfriend and I have a wonderful great relationship (which is why I'm not posting this anon, because if he sees it, so what, he already knows because we've discussed it). And we've been together long enough that we are really really attached to each other. And yes, I do love him AND find him sexually attractive to boot.
But, lately, I have been feeling like I should be with a girl instead. Now I'm not asking if I should or shouldn't be, now I feel like I should (that is the difference between my last question and this).
But I am with a man. Which is my dilemma. I've been with him since I was 18 and now I'm 21. I feel like this relationship is like a kid, if I had a kid when I was 18. I love him, I wouldn't give him up for the world, I don't regret being with him, but it would have been better if I had waited a bit longer before getting seriously involved with someone. And yes, I realize that, unlike a kid, I have a lot more choice in this matter but I really do love him.
I know, I'm young, more people who are perfect for me will come along, whatever. Great. But this relationship is the type that people are looking for when they date, so why jump back in just to find something just like I already have?
I just started therapy... she pointed out my family of origin was very dramatic while this relationship has a minimal amount of drama so I might just want more drama. But that's not healthy; the type of drama my family had was really really unhealthy.
So maybe that's the real issue at hand and wanting to be with a girl is just a means to an end. I feel like I'm idealizing girls since this relationship is my first, and thus I have never actually been with a girl. But don't straight people do that before they ever enter a relationship? Idealize what it will be like?
I am allowed to date girls within the context of the relationship. But I'm worried I will fall deeply, madly in love and that might threaten my primary relationship enough to dissolve it.
So, I guess three questions:
How do I get over my completely unhealthy need for drama in a relationship? (I think this might be the most important...)
Have you ever dealt with something like this before?
I love my boyfriend to pieces but I want to be with girls, how do I deal with that? Dating in a relationship? Resources for that please and thank you.
Thank you for any support. This whole issue makes me feel kinda alone and really confused.