. I still have a crush on my coworker and I am still pretty certain he feels something too, but he's acting hot and cold and I can't decipher WTF is going on. Please help me catch or release.
So the coworker that I was crushing on in this question
has got me all tied up in knots.
Before I go any further, let me please explain that I am actually not 18 years old as you might have guessed; I am actually a 30 year old woman, but I ended a 10+ year relationship a while back and so was out of the dating world for, uh, most of my adult life. Therefore I have a bit of trouble deciphering signals. However I am not completely socially inept; I'm actually quite bubbly and self-confident, just a bit unsure as to how to read men. So this will be long and infuriatingly beanplatey.
With that said: this guy I'm dealing with seems to be running totally hot and cold and I now have no idea what is going on. On the advice of some wise Mefites from my last question, I backed off a bit on this guy and decided I would just try getting to know him before jumping into his lap. We've had several nice lunches and coffees, and I've discovered that in addition to hot hot sexy chemistry, we also seem to have a lot in common, shared interests, and just generally we get on well. Oh and he IS single, or at least not married (he could potentially be dating someone though I don't know of anything serious). Here are a few other relevant points:
- he listens extremely attentively to me and remembers tiny details of conversation we had - and will ask questions in our next conversation that follow up on what we talked about previously.
- he asks questions about me, about what I want from my career, about my vacation plans, etc. I told him I was really into modern art and he expressed what appeared to be a genuine interest in it; after our conversation he also emailed me a link to an exhibition he thought I'd like
- his body language seems totally attuned to me; he leans in really closely when we talk, stands just that bit too close, and is constantly looking at me if we're in the same general area
- he laughs a lot when I say something vaguely funny. He also has almost a perpetual smile on his face when we're alone together. He also sometimes laughs for what seems like no reason; if I ask him what's so funny, he just kind of smiles and doesn't answer.
- once I saw him standing with his group of colleagues in the lobby of our office. He waved at me and smiled; I didn't wave back, but just kept my eyes focused on his with a steady flirty smile as I walked towards him. He seemed to have some sort of nuclear meltdown...for a long second he held my gaze, but then finally dropped his eyes, started frantically fidgeting with his cufflinks and his tie. I approached his coworkers to say hello, but he dashed off so quickly that he nearly knocked someone else over. He actually came to my office the next day and apologized for having walked off so quickly but offered no explanation for why he'd done so.
- he often does favors for me.
- he IS still flirty; when I call him about something, he'll often play around for a few seconds or tease me before he gets down to business
So that all sounds positive, right? The problem is that he seems to go in cycles; we'll have a great lunch / coffee / meeting / whatever. It's flirty, or its genuine and sweet, and I'm feeling encouraged... but almost like clockwork, right after that happens he seems to flip a switch and for a week or so afterward, any direct contact I have with him will be stilted and weird. He will be ultra-formal and almost just barely polite; if I ask for a favor, for example, he will grant it but when I thank him he'll ignore me. And he is almost always aloof if his (all-male) team is around. I get the impression they make know something because they all seem to smirk a bit when they see me, especially if he is around.
The thing is, I'm really turned off by the hot-cold routine. After our most recent coffee, for instance, we had an amazing conversation and what I thought was a lot of fun; the very next day, when I called to ask a question, his voice was icy and he acted like I was wasting his time. I was very put off, because I'd actually started to think about asking if he wanted to come along to this art exhibition I'm going to at the end of the month (as mentioned, he seemed to take extra pains to ask me about my interests and then even followed up on them).
So what to do? I'm still interested, but the on-off routine is getting tiresome. I don't understand why he would do this if he were genuinely interested. It gets me second-guessing what I said in our last conversation (was he mad that I casually mentioned that guy that was flirting with me at the grocery store? did I insult him when I said I didn't like sushi?) All I can think is that his aloofness does seem to be somewhat linked to his colleagues being around, but nevertheless that seems a bit immature.
OH and one last thing: I might get some flak for this, but I'll mention it anyway in case it's relevant: I'm kind of considered the "hot new girl" at my office. It's a relatively big company, and I'm not that new anymore (eight months in) but I'm in a high-profile position and so I get a fair bit of male attention. Sorry if that makes me sound like an asshole, I promise I'm really a nice person.