Dear Slutty Abby
February 8, 2011 8:19 AM Subscribe
What's the general opinion on "morning after" etiquette?
posted by anonymous to human relations (57 answers total) 17 users marked this as a favorite
I went out via a popular dating site with a very respectful, caring, down-to-earth, and seemingly trustworthy guy. We clicked immediately, and our first date ended with some pretty powerful kissing. I initiated a second date.
Second date night came around, we met up again, still totally clicked. I am liking him more and more, and all the messages I'm getting are that he's enjoying himself as well. At no point did it seem to me that he wasn't enjoying my company, that the whole thing was just some sort of casual sex transaction, or that he was the sort of person who would behave in a crass or ungentlemanly manner. Every signal indicated that we were both definitely having a good time on what was obviously A Romantic Date and not a mere formality leading to glory-hole style sex.
So we go back to his place. The sex is not so great. But, OK. First times are always awkward, and there are a million reasons to give him the benefit of the doubt. Afterwards, we're hanging out and continuing to enjoy ourselves. Things are still going well, and as far as I can tell, the night is young and I'm sleeping over. And then he gets a text. Apparently a good friend is in a hairy situation in some other part of town and needs rescuing. I find it sort of sweet that he's such a stand up guy that he'd be the first person you called when you needed bailing out of a tough situation in the middle of the night. So I wasn't terribly put out when he decided to go help his friend. I felt weird waiting around alone in his apartment, though, so I decided to go home. (Important: he did NOT ask me to leave or even say anything that implied that he expected me to leave.) He apologized profusely as he walked me to the train station.
The end. Seriously, this was Friday night and I have not heard from the guy to date. Is this within the bounds of normal/respectful behavior? Granted I'm not vastly experienced in the world of casual sex, but even when I've had blatant one night stand hookups I've gotten some kind of follow-up within a day or so. Especially if we didn't spend the night together. It's completely baffling to me. I mean, seriously, we went from potential relationship chemistry to Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am in the space of about 10 minutes. What the fuck? Who does this? Are there people who are really so sociopathic that they will put on an Oscar-worthy performance of being really into you as an actual human being one minute, and then usher you out the door the next minute?
What do people consider typical post-hookup behavior? Do you call the person the next day if they don't sleep over? Is there a difference in what you'd do if you were interested in a relationship versus if it was just about the sex? Is it ever OK to just never speak to the person again? Do I have a right to be angry with him, or should I cut him a break if he calls me later and acts normal?
The necessary demographic info: I'm a late 20's woman and the dude in question is within a year of my age. We live in a major US city. We are both politically and socially liberal folks who are in no way religious, conservative, or "traditional" in outlook. As far as I know, we are both neurotypical and have both had the typical late-20's big city dating experiences.