Two n00bs walk into a strip club

November 18, 2008 6:49 AM

What's the etiquette for a couple going to strip clubs in Australia?

My boyfriend and I (I'm female) went to our first strip club, a classy gentleman's club (as opposed to a dodgy bar) in Brisbane last week. We had been curious about what happens in there for a while. Neither of us had done anything remotely sex-industry-related before, so we were awkward n00bs.

The experience turned out to be a lot of fun - some of the dancers were really good and we even had one of them feed us chocolate (yum!!). It's done wonders for our relationship and we're looking forward to returning to this club sometime in the future.

I think we could have done a bit better etiquette-wise though - we weren't sure what the rules are (aside from what the manager told us) and we did feel a bit "uh is this OK"? So we'd like to be a bit more prepared before our next trip.

1. I was the only non-working-girl in the club that night (it was a weekday night, so it was a bit slower than normal). From reading around, it seems that strippers sometimes avoid m/f couples because they think the girl's been dragged there and would be jealous. Is there any way I can indicate that not only am I cool with my boyfriend being there, that I actually find the whole thing fun and hot? (I'm pansexual and he's straight, if that matters.)

2. What's the policy on tipping? I tipped one of the dancers $5 (she eventually was our "chocolate feeder" girl) but I didn't see too many people doing the same.

3. The manager told us that when getting a private dance, touching anywhere but private parts was OK. We did ask our girl if she was cool with it and she laughed and said "Yes, sure." Even if there already is a long-standing policy, is it better to ask the girl first?

4. We're thinking of buying a lapdance the next time. What can we expect? What can we do/not do? My boyfriend thinks it would be hot for us (him and I) to make out a bit while getting the lapdance - is that actually OK or does that just show how lame we are?

5. Is it normal to ask for a specific girl if you've liked them the last time? Is it too stalkery?

6. We saw some girls that spent ages chatting to some customers, but we hardly had anyone come to our table (probably because of the "jealous girl" thing). How can we get the girls to come chat to us? Do we offer a drink? How do we approach them? We can both be shy at times so asking them directly can be a bit awkward!

Any other tips for strip/gentleman's club enjoyment? Share them our way. You'll be making a n00b geek couple very happy!

(please keep discussion about whether strip clubs are worth going to or not out of it. In Australia it's legal, and - at least in the club we were at - the girls went into it willingly and are well taken care of. I'm a feminist, but also pro-sexuality and pro-sex industry. But anyway, political discussions are offtopic.)

posted by anonymous to grab bag (7 comments total)

err wish we had anonymous answering.... :P

My partner and I are from Melbourne.. and we have visited 'such establishments' on quite a few occasions with another couple (both monogomous straight couples - nothing weird apart from also being n00b-geeks).

I really want to help answer your questions.... send me a mefi mail and I can send you a proper reply.

Your discretion is assured.. Cos lets face it.. I have said too much already :)
posted by TheOtherGuy at 7:24 AM on November 18, 2008

It's got its flaws, but this autobiography might help you answer some of your questions.
posted by WCityMike at 10:24 AM on November 18, 2008

not in aus. but i went to a club with my ex gf and there were alot of other girls there (as customers), it was a weekend and there was a football game on so the place was pretty full. i would say the dancers there paid more attention to us (her) than single dudes, my theory is that girls/couples are probibly less threatening and less a risk of being "creepy" the strip club is no place to be shy, after all YOURE not the naked one.
posted by swbarrett at 1:48 PM on November 18, 2008

follow-up from someone who would prefer to remain anonymous

Please sign up for an anonymous gmail account when asking these sorts
of questions!

My girlfriend and I go to clubs together all the time. It's very easy
to show the dancers that you're there willingly. Just go up to the
stage (you, not your man) and tip one of them. Put a fiver in her
g-string. She'll get the message loud and clear. Do this boldly, not
like you're being pushed to do it.

As for etiquette about physical contact, it's different in every
country, every club and with every dancer. Often, there are official
rules and real rules. Usually, the rules bend if you spend enough. You
simply have to negotiate with the specific dancer. If you're looking
to get a bit more frisky, don't negotiate loudly (you might get the
girl into trouble). Buy a few low-mileage dances first, let her get
comfortable with you, and then gradually build up to more contact.
Also, watch what the other customers are getting away with. (Though in
my experience, female customers can get away with more than guys can.)

My gf has made out with dancers, sucked on their nipples and even had
some go down on her. Like I said, it totally depends on the situation
and the girl. The really risque stuff has never happened right away.
It's happened once everyone is comfortable. And sometimes it doesn't
happen. Some girls are more conservative than others. Some managers
are more cop-like than others. Part of the fun of strip clubs is the
adventure of finding out how far you can go. If you want a sure thing,
hire a call girl, don't go to a club. Clubs are about the unknown.

Beware of the private rooms. They're often a scam. A dancer will hint
that if you go into the VIP room, things will get more intimate. She
won't actually say how they'll get more intimate. She'll just imply
that they will. But when you get there, you'll get the same sort of
lap dance you'd get in the main room, but you'll pay a lot more for
it.

Please don't be afraid of asking dancers what they allow. Don't even
be afraid of letting your hands roam a bit. These girls are very
experienced. They're not easily offended, and they know how to take
care of themselves. They will tell you if you're doing something
they're not comfortable with. I'm not suggesting you suddenly lurch
forward and grab a girl's breasts. No one wants to be shocked that
way. Instead, slowly move your hands towards the "target." She'll
understand what you're doing. If she's not comfortable with it, she'll
tell you so (or move your hands away). If she's cool with it, keep
going. Just be respectful, which translates to no means no. It also
translates to higher mileage = you pay more. So if a girl lets you get
really frisky, pay her well.

There are loads of websites (mostly not free, but also not very
costly) that review strip clubs and dancers. If you read posts on
those sites, you'll get a really good idea of what goes on in clubs
you're interested in. I don't live in your country, so I can't help
you with specific sites (bigdoggie.com, theeroticreview.com and
utopiaguide.com in the US), but spend some quality time with google.

Have fun!

posted by jessamyn at 4:19 PM on November 18, 2008

1. It is (justifiably..) assumed you will be scowling or making awful, highly critical comments. They will avoid observing such things - but not doing it will be a start at least :)

2. Just tip. The answer to that question is always- tip.

3. There are House Rules (in line with what is specified in their licencing) but all Dancers are entitled to have whatever personal rules she might wish. She will tell you before the dance commences but of course it's always polite to ask if you're not sure anyway.

4. Um... I don't know if making out while getting a lapdance is legal? Definitely ask first about that one! Even if it is, the girl might not be comfortable with that, and if not - you might get kicked out (and there will be no refund), ect...

Brisbane clubs are very clean. Even out of the 'shady' type ones, I can only think of one that might have a more relaxed attitude towards the specifics in the laws... but no girls will work at that club anyway. So the answer to that would really be neither here nor there.

Brothels are legal (in Brisbane) which is probably why there is an absurdly clear distinction with really harsh penalties. 'Extras' are non-existent. Although she may take both feet off the floor at some point if you're lucky though ;) (That was just a smirking sarcastic wink btw.. not some kind of euphemism or anything.)

5. Inside a stripclub, a stalker is what's known as a 'regular'. Ha-ha. No, but seriously - relax :) That is totally cool, welcome and complimentary.
Unless of course you are, you know, an actual stalker... But otherwise :) it is actually a good idea to establish yourself as a regular.

6. How do you get them to come? ...I am curious to know which club you went to? Because it might be something to do with that? Sure offer a drink, depending on the club she may politely decline though. Tipping them onstage, and asking them to come join you after is good. Asking one of the staff to let her know that you'd like her to come over?

If you catch one of the girls at the mirror in the bathroom, (it's pretty safe to say she'll be a genuinely friendly person, so don't be afraid) - just explain your predicament "Nobody wants to play with us, could you please spread the word that I'm not a bitch." Or maybe something about "I didn't bring any attitude for you girls, I've only brought his money," would go over quite well? That kinda says it all, plus they will probably think it's a bit funny too.

Hhmmm. Feel free to Me-mail me if you like?
posted by mu~ha~ha~ha~har at 7:02 AM on November 19, 2008

follow up from the OP: "people can email me at [e-mail] "
posted by jessamyn at 7:34 PM on November 19, 2008

Hi i have a brisbane stripclub B confidential and your comments are not uncommon.Stripclubs have really only over the last few years become a much more acceptable place for couples and ladies to visiit which in turn has changed the etiquette in clubs.Before many dancers found that when other girls visited it was to make fun of them or to try catch out their boyfriends etc(mind you it still does go on) so some industry wise dancers may be cautious up front.
Dont ever be afraid to say hi, the bar up front is always the easiest non confronting place to say hello,dont feel you have to tip them on stage to get there attention however the girls are there to earn money so a tip will get them off stage and over to you a little quicker.
Tipping is a way of showing your appeciation for a stage show,some clubs use tipping on stage as the only way to get a private show and other places will only go fully nude once a certain amount of tips have been made.
Our club the girls will genrally keep there G-string on during stage shows as our club caters for fine dining and a more corperate clientele however private shows are fully nude.At the begining of each lapdance the dancer should always tell you the rules of what you can and cant do.If its a couple dance she may ask you or your boyfriend who is getting the most attention and guage where she sits and performs depending on that, remember this is FUN ,just go with the flow and dont be afraid to ask her to change her position from floor to more close or on your lap or his.
She may ask you both what you like as well.
You both can touch everywhere bar the genital region and innner thigh, if you get too close the dancer will politly move her position or say with a smile thats too close or even just take control of your hands and place them where she wants to be touched.
Its ok to kiss your boyfriend in a dance,in our club the controller in the room may ask you though to calm it down if you both start caressing each other and touching each other,your hands need to be seen so that if a licencing officer came in he could clearly see that no sex or stimulation was going on.
Its important to recognise the purpose of a stripclub and that is to mentally tease you not physically,you want it to be that your that wound up that you cant wait to go home for that touch.
Club owners would prefer there to be no rules but they only enforce them for your safety and the clubs,In queensland the fines and charges are heavy on both the club,the dancer,AND THE CLIENT and you could be charged with prositution when caught.
Its quite common for patrons to come in with the idea of seeing how much they can get away with but all they do by that is cause venues to go broke and close so for the owners sake and yours pay close attention to the rules or a trip in a police van is possible and has happened many times in QLD.
If there is a particular girl you liked feel free to even call up and see if shes on,its quite common for girls to come in on request even if shes not rostered on.Most girls will find it flattering when asked for.If your finding it hard for the girls to come over you can ask a hostess for someone,the hostesses job is to make sure your happy in the venue,get you girls,send waitresses over ,organise tabs, book lapdances and extend the time you wish to spend with a girl so she is by far the easiest person to talk to and can fill in the dancers what you are after.
Feel free to spoil any of the girls with tips and drinks but dont ever feel you are obliged to,the girls are there to work and be friendly and if they sit back and wait for clients to come to them then there not the type of girl for you,50% of there job is about personality and the other looks.
If you feel your not being attended to dont hesitate to tell the hostess or management so that they can fix it and if you have any other questions whatsover email me at [e-mail]
posted by bconfidential at 9:51 PM on January 26