, a chance encounter has left me with the opportunity to enjoy one (or, fingers crossed, more than one!) casual hookup(s) with a breathtakingly attractive near-stranger.
Can you walk me through this process -- safety, guidelines, what to do/not do or say, etc. -- like a complete newbie?
I (early 30s woman) recently traveled out of town to have dinner and see a show; at dinner, I flirted with the bartender (early 20s man) because he was Just My Type, and I could not resist. I expected nothing, of course; IME it is always in a bartender's best interest to flirt with all customers, regardless of looks/gender, because tips!
However, as the restaurant hours drew to a close, I was very surprised to hear the kindly barkeep ask if I wanted to grab a drink and then go back to his car to make out for a while. ("Uh, yeah!
"A while" turned into a few rollicking, exceedingly enjoyable hours; we've since exchanged all relevant contact/personal information, maintained regular contact, and have now made tentative plans -- a week from today -- to meet at a random business traveler-type hotel in a commuter town midway between our cities, basically just because we both think it would be hot.
Current plan is to just head over there sometime in mid-afternoon, see if they have a room available, and see where the rest of the day/night takes us. (We are unlikely to stay overnight because I have to get up early for work the next day; I know we won't be penalized for using the room for only part of the day so long as we leave the key whenever we depart, so no worries there.)
I think he might think that I'm some kind of vivacious, uber-experienced vixen based on our interactions and conversations thus far, but the truth of the matter is that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. I was in a committed relationship for nearly a decade and had not had any sort of romantic interaction with any man, even a kiss on the cheek, in the 2.5 years since that relationship ended... until I met this one. However, my 20s were completely
wild and his 20s seem to be proceeding in much the same way, so I feel like I can meet him where he's at without too much trouble.
Already established: Prospective hookup partner and I are already 100% on the same page in all routine and practical matters, fully engaged in both the practice of asking sexytimes-related questions without any hesitation or embarrassment and the participation in all X-rated activities with consistent and enthusiastic consent. While I've enjoyed his company immensely, we have a great deal in common, I think of him highly as a person (albeit one I barely know from Adam), and I would be totally down to 'date' him if we lived in the same city or either of us was interested in a monogamous relationship -- the bottom line is that this is either going to be a one-off casual hookup or the first in a series of casual hookups.
So! Having been out of the proverbial game for a very long time, and with nearly all of my friends having already been married/otherwise out of 'hookup culture' for many years, I have a few practical questions:
Do I get tested for STDs before we meet up, and/or tell him up front whether I have or have not done so? I haven't slept with anyone but my ex in half a dozen years, and haven't so much as kissed anyone at all
in close to 3 years... but should I go get all fully checked out before this thing happens, just in case?
Do I ask him if he's done the same and, if he hasn't, request that he do so in advance of our encounter? He is currently actively engaged in several other purely sexual relationships, so I'm not sure what his testing status/policy is. I would have no problem asking or outright requesting, but is this even an acceptable thing for a near-stranger to ask in this situation? Or is it mostly "don't ask, don't tell, just use condoms and try not to stress too much"?
Aside from using barrier methods and common sense, is there anything else I need to worry about in terms of staying protected? (We will not be engaging in any particularly risky behavior.)
Are there any other rules of engagement when it comes to casual hookups? EX: What if I want to hook up again? I admit, I've not done anything remotely like this outside the context of having brief flings with touring rock musicians, who were always easy to deal with because they'd just leave in the morning to go to the next city, so I'm not sure what the repeat performance guidelines should be.
Anything else I should keep in mind? (Who should pay for the hotel? What should he/I plan on bringing, if anything? Once the ball is rolling, how do we keep it in motion?)
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