How can I prevent myself from getting "skid marks" in my underwear?

December 13, 2010 10:38 AM

How can I prevent myself from getting "skid marks" in my underwear?

I, first and foremost, want to say that this is in fact a serious question to an embarrassing problem of mine. You can probably understand why I decided to ask the question anonymously.

Anyway, I'm a male adult who, for years, have been getting what some people refer to as being "skid marks" in my underwear. I have lots of ideas as to what this could be caused by, but there are no certainties. All I know that the marks don't appear due to me not wiping well enough; I take proper care to wipe thoroughly.

A few reasons could be because:

1. I've a hairy bottom which makes it tough to get everything from there.
2. I sweat a lot "down there".
3. I wear semi-tight briefs.

I don't recall having this problem back when I wore boxers, but I could be wrong. For the past few years, I've become used to wearing briefs and it would feel strange to switch back to boxers. But I'd be willing to do it to prevent the skids, but only if I knew that it would stop the problem.

Anyway - does anyone know if this is common? I've spoken to people who claim that this is a very common problem amongst men, and tends to be a lot less of a problem when it comes to females. For the record, I've actually come across panties which had skids in them, so I definitely know that it happens to females too.

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (89 answers total)

From what my male friends tell me, it's much harder, in fact sometimes physically impossible, for the male to wipe thoroughly down there because of the equipment that's in the way.
posted by Melismata at 10:42 AM on December 13, 2010

When you shower, are you cleaning your bottom with soap and water?
posted by Mr. Justice at 10:43 AM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh, grr, I wish you had done a sockpuppet for this, because my first question is "Why is this a problem?" The reason for underwear is so our other clothes get less stained and smelly from piss, shit, and sweat, after all.

If you feel like you're wiping effectively (and you might think about using flushable wet wipes if you're not), I don't see the issue. Obviously, poor anal hygiene isn't good for your ass, but if your ass is fine then I wouldn't worry about staining your underpants; a good enzymatic anti-stain treatment will get those stains right out.

If you are having hemorrhoids, anal itching, sore or broken skin, then you need to address your wiping habits/materials more aggressively. If the only problem is stains on your underpants, that's what the underpants are for.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:43 AM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Baby wipes!
posted by mareli at 10:43 AM on December 13, 2010 [11 favorites]

Wipe more. Seriously. Look at the paper after each wipe. (you're going to have to become a folder, if you're a wadder.) Wipe till you see nothing.

To aid the concept of wiping til you're clean, eat more fiber. Drink less coffee (coffee makes my shit like asphalt). Shit at the first urge, not the seventeenth, when you've got a prairie-dog situation.
posted by notsnot at 10:43 AM on December 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

Use regular hair clippers (like the WAHL ones you can buy at the drugstore) to trim the hair down there. Since it's trimming and not shaving you won't experience any itchy stubble or breakouts.

Also, are you actively washing that area when you shower? I don't mean just passing over with a soapy hand -- I mean really getting in there and washing it. Taking the few extra seconds to do this during each shower might make a big difference.
posted by hermitosis at 10:44 AM on December 13, 2010

it certainly happens more with men and my thought is that it is absolutely related to the hair. try some charmin wipes (like baby wipes, but for adults!). you might also try boxer briefs - still get the support of the briefs, but slightly loser, and, at least among my circle, girls prefer the boxer briefs to boxers or tighty-whiteys.

also, skids on women's underwear might be poo, but any of my knickers that are skidded are from my period. same reason, really - hair grabs on to stuff and even though i've wiped until i thought everything was clean, a little bit remained.
posted by nadawi at 10:44 AM on December 13, 2010

More fiber and less fat in your diet.
posted by milarepa at 10:45 AM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Best solution I've seen if this is a chronic problem is carrying a small packet of baby wipes with you [or having them in your bathroom]. This makes it easier to wipe up the whole area and be clearer that you've done a good job. Add to this adding more fiber to your diet which removes the unfortunate "butt crayon" effect [i.e. a bowel movement which sort of stops at no particular point when your anal sphincter closes around it but with stool still in your rectum which could work its way outside and give you small underwear stripes]. And yeah this is a problem that women also have though I feel that it's a solveable problem in 99 times out of 100. Best of luck!
posted by jessamyn at 10:47 AM on December 13, 2010 [8 favorites]

fwiw - some might not get itching with trimming with the wahl, but when i'm trimming up my bits with one, sometimes i trim too low and get the part between my cheeks - and oh my god the fiery, itchy, gonna rip my skin off feeling that happens after...so YMMV on the trimming.
posted by nadawi at 10:47 AM on December 13, 2010

There's another question here about butt washing, and I'd give the same advice I gave in that thread to you. Try doing it the middle eastern way (they all have hairy butts over there) and do a water-aided butt cleanse.

And wear black underpants.
posted by phunniemee at 10:47 AM on December 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

"Why is this a problem?"

If you never have to worry about someone else seeing you in or out of your underwear, then I guess it isn't. But regardless of how "reasonable" it might be for this to happen, that's not exactly the foot you'd like to put forward with a new sexual partner is it? Or an old one for that matter?
posted by hermitosis at 10:47 AM on December 13, 2010

Wear dark colored underwear?
posted by rainbaby at 10:48 AM on December 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Ah, phunniemee just said it! Sorry to duplicate.
posted by rainbaby at 10:49 AM on December 13, 2010

Ah, hermitosis, obviously I have been married for waaaaaayyyyyyy too long to have thought of that as a problem! So, good point, I guess. And maybe rainbaby and phunniemee are onto something with the "wear dark underpants" suggestion.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:51 AM on December 13, 2010

I think if you spend too long on the throne reading or whatever, stuff can start to dry out and then wiping will not get it all, even though the paper will look like it has. These remnants can then be reactivated by sweat later on, so it probably helps to wipe right away if you aren't already. This is just a guess, by the way.
posted by orme at 10:54 AM on December 13, 2010 [7 favorites]

Washlet
posted by T.D. Strange at 10:57 AM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

"Why is this a problem?"

Also on the sex front: naked butt in bed can mean skid marks on sheets. :(
posted by ocherdraco at 10:57 AM on December 13, 2010

Eat more fiber, drink more water, eat less pizza.

I'm not kidding.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:58 AM on December 13, 2010

Was going to say dark undies.
Also, take psyllium fiber. I'll spare mefi the details, but suffice it to say regular intake of psyllium has rendered wiping almost a formality in my life.
I like the kind from Trader Joe's. I hear Metamucil is fine, but I don't need the added sugar in my diet. Whatever kind you get, give it a couple weeks before deciding it it helps. Also, drink lots of water with it.
posted by willpie at 10:59 AM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

try witch hazel on the tp as the final. also second the fiber deal
posted by raildr at 11:00 AM on December 13, 2010

1. Wipe more/better/different.
2. Get dark colored underpants.

FWIW I have never examined any dude's underwear closely enough to see the, ummm, quality of their butt-wiping technique. I really don't care.
posted by Sara C. at 11:00 AM on December 13, 2010

I suggest shaving your anus. I shave all my pubic hair and it's quite easy to give the anus a couple quick swipes with a new multi-blade razor.

If you really want to know specifics about my method, you can send me a message - I think I've said enough publicly!
posted by cranberrymonger at 11:05 AM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

the 'medicated' wet-wipes from preparation H (with various no-name generics available in drugstores everywhere) generally have a bit of witch hazel in the dampening liquid, which makes for extra clean sort of clean.
posted by rmd1023 at 11:06 AM on December 13, 2010

Also, regarding men having a more difficult time due to junk in the way, I think it's time to link to the epic Great Wipe Hope thread.
posted by rmd1023 at 11:07 AM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

You may wish to try the Poop Report for these kinds of questions.
posted by kalessin at 11:12 AM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

P.S. The Poop Report is not safe for work or for sanity.
posted by kalessin at 11:12 AM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Skids marks happen. The function of underwear is to take the skid marks to the laundry. In German, the name for underwear is wäsche! It's the part intended to be routinely washed, and skid marks are why.

Yes, hair is part of the problem, and sweat. So, shave your ass and stop sweating. Hmm? No? See. You don't prevent skid marks. You cure them, by tossing your shorts (wäsche) in the wash.

Oh, and you know, relax a little. Don't loose your composure over a couple skid marks. It's part of being alive. Don't leave your shorts where others are going to see them, and do your wash regularly. And anyone tries to tell you that skid marks make you a bad person, refer them to a shrink.
posted by Goofyy at 11:13 AM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

To more directly answer the question instead of referring you to the Poo Nurse (who runs The Poop Report, apparently), I read an advice exchange with the Poo Nurse in which she claimed the skid marks are actually generated from butt mucous instead of from unwiped material left over from a particularly astonishingly unmanageable wiping problem.
posted by kalessin at 11:16 AM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I suggest shaving your anus.

I suggest keeping razor blades as far from that area as possible.

Baby wipes are a fantastic supplement to a thorough wipe job.

If the skid marks do happen, bleaching your white undies is never a bad idea!
posted by arveale at 11:16 AM on December 13, 2010

Bidet attachment. This won't help much when you're away from home, but I presume you do the majority of your poopin' on your own toilet. Like a mini-shower with each BM.
posted by supercres at 11:23 AM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

At home, quick shower afterward. Refreshing.
Out, take a couple of moistened paper towels into the stall with you. Use before, after, or in between tp applications.
Nice to be squeaky clean.
posted by fivesavagepalms at 11:26 AM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Depends belted shields solve the problem, disposably. Can be useful while you experiment with other recommendations, when ill, or when traveling, if not for you generally, in everyday use.
posted by paulsc at 11:30 AM on December 13, 2010

Don't shave your butt - that will not really solve the problem and will only create new problems. Going to the gym locker room or the beach with a baboon ass will make you into the degenerate you never thought you would be. Excessive wiping isn't good either - most people who suggest that probably have never dealt with the problem.

Generally it is a result of diet or intestinal problems but you can live with it by using wipes. Scott and various other manufacturers make them. Just carry a small pack with you in a ziplock. They are cheaper and better than baby wipes. I keep a container on my desk at work. Other than that, planning helps. Poop before showering, shower after pooping. Installing a home bidet is actually a good solution and they are very comfortable to use. Kohler sells a new, albeit somewhat expensive toilet that will wash you. It may be worth looking into.
posted by JJ86 at 11:30 AM on December 13, 2010

Detachable showerhead, massage setting, soap, scrubber, black underwear. Easy and might even feel good.
posted by doublehappy at 11:31 AM on December 13, 2010

Target sells men's underwear in a rainbow of colors. Anything other than white will help tremendously. So I hear.
posted by MrMoonPie at 11:36 AM on December 13, 2010

Oh, and a buddy of mine (I swear) would sometimes run a little water on his toilet paper wad. Works better at home than at the office, I suppose.
posted by MrMoonPie at 11:37 AM on December 13, 2010

If there's anything I've learned from AskMeFi, it's that you should NEVER EVER SHAVE YOUR ANUS. So don't do that, I guess.
posted by fight or flight at 11:43 AM on December 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Be careful with wet toilet paper, though. It has a tendency to stick around.
posted by doublehappy at 11:46 AM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Buy a package of plain washcloths. Keep them in easy reach of the toilet. When are you are done on the toilet, use toilet paper (folded into a nice little square, of course) to get as clean as possible. Then wet a washcloth (maybe add a little soap if you need it) and wipe some more until all poo danglies are gone. Toss washcloth in the dirty laundry. Pat your butt dry with another little folded packet of toilet paper.

This is what I had to do (sans the first round with toilet paper) after childbirth, when I had hemorrhoids the size of Buicks, and toilet paper felt like sandpaper.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 11:48 AM on December 13, 2010

I have heard that washing down there with soap is not a good idea (can result in dryness/itching) because it removes the oils or whatever that keep things working correctly.
posted by jockc at 11:53 AM on December 13, 2010

WASH YOUR BUTT. No one should ever have poop on their clothes. If you are too puritanical to use the hand God gave you, purchase for yourself an inexpensive detachable shower head. Skidmarks are not normal or natural - certainly eat more fiber, but you should also wash your butt, concertedly, each an every day. Most people in the two-thirds world do it several times a day (i.e. each time they use the bathroom).
posted by Baby_Balrog at 12:05 PM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Also, change your undies more than once a day. That's what your hamper is for, hmm?
posted by BostonTerrier at 12:05 PM on December 13, 2010

Do not flush regular baby wipes! They will do Bad And Expensive Things To Your Household Plumbing. Go for the grown-up flushable wipe version (Charmin, Cottonelle) that are made to break down like TP. Using those can make a huge difference in the skid situation.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 12:08 PM on December 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

You have to get your finger right in there, dude. Repeatedly. I mean - with paper over it, obviously (and enough that you don't get unwanted penetration, eww). Also, these are ace for post-poop polishing.
posted by Decani at 12:10 PM on December 13, 2010

Nthing wipe until the TP is clean.

Also, I vote against solving the problems via boxers, black underpants, or figuring that underwear was meant to get dirty. There are times when people smell like poop at the office, and I always wondered how that could happen. I assumed it was a health problem or emergency, but apparently some people believe a poopy butt is okay? My view is somewhat different, so I'd suggest finding the approach that goes beyond either protecting the underpants and/or making peace with soiling them.
posted by salvia at 12:32 PM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I love AskMe for so many reasons - and the variety and vehemence with which people respond to questions like this is just one of them! I am, at this very minute, laughing hysterically.

Nthing more fiber. I went vegetarian/near vegan this year and cannot tell you enough how improved my situation is since this change in my diet. I'm pretty damn regular and wiping is barely something I have to think about at all. Consider less animal products. Seriously.
posted by FlamingBore at 12:39 PM on December 13, 2010

Another vote for flushable adult wipes. They're grippier than baby wipes.
posted by candyland at 12:45 PM on December 13, 2010

Step 1: Clean it thoroughly (but gently).
Step 2: Get it waxed by a professional. ("Back, sack, and crack" is a thing.)
Step 3: Continue to clean it thoroughly (but gently) on a daily basis.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:45 PM on December 13, 2010

Apart from the number zero and a new perspective on what constitutes a "difficult" grammar, the most important thing that I've learned from Our Friends The Arabs, is that asses should be washed every time they are used. I have powerful spray hoses installed next to all my toilets and they keep me perfectly clean.
posted by atrazine at 1:04 PM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Seriously, if you got shit on your arm would you just give it a few wipes with paper and think that was enough? No, you wouldn't, you'd wash it! Water is our friend, people.
posted by atrazine at 1:05 PM on December 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Maybe it's not the wiping technique but rather caused by the sweating. My exercise shirts become stained under the armpits and there's nothing there except sweat to make them that way. So perhaps the answer is a better detergent to remove the stains or darker underwear as suggested above.
posted by nelvana at 1:14 PM on December 13, 2010

Probiotics. I take Mercola.com and Garden of Life. I started them after things got weird and streaky. Back to normal wiping in five days. I think it's a mild malabsorption thing.
posted by zeek321 at 1:28 PM on December 13, 2010

My exercise shirts become stained under the armpits and there's nothing there except sweat to make them that way.

If you're referring to yellowing, that's caused by sweat reacting to the aluminum zirconium tetrachlorohydrex gly in antiperspirant. If your pure sweat leaves poo-colored stains, consult a physician.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:29 PM on December 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Note: Fiber can increase malabsorption/streaky issues. They certainly did for me when I started eating much more complex carbs in my diet--that's when my issues started. The Mercola probiotics (and I'm sure many other brands) EAT long-chain carbs and break them down into simple carbs that are easier to digest.
posted by zeek321 at 1:30 PM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh oh oh... are you a farter? I used to know a guy who said that he used to fart with abandon until the day he realized that he was a "wet farter" and that was causing the stains in his shorts. Have no idea if that is true or not, but it sprang to mind. Good luck.
posted by FlamingBore at 1:39 PM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

FlamingBore, allow me to introduce you to the lexical wonder that is the word "sharting."
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:06 PM on December 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

FlamingBore is on to something. In my experience (incl with my kids), skid marks have TWO main causes: insufficient wiping (incl. wet-wiping of some sort, as noted above), and/or fart tracks. One is about what you do on the throne. The other is about what you do at the table.

Speaking of wet wiping, especially when away from home, wet a paper towel or generous stack of TP before going in to the stall. Wipe dry til clean, wet, dry again.

I'm quite anal about this.
posted by skypieces at 2:08 PM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I've never been more, uh... proud...? :\
posted by FlamingBore at 2:20 PM on December 13, 2010

Also, if this is a new development, as in you can remember a time when it wasn't an issue, have a doc check out the ol' egress. If you've developed cysts or fissures around the escape hatch, the product will not be smooth and even, and will make a mess that's difficult to mop up with a wad of paper.
posted by Slap*Happy at 2:28 PM on December 13, 2010

If you're stuck in a bathroom stall and don't want to dash to the sink, you can spit on your neatly folded square of toilet paper to wet it to make a "wet wipe." Yeah, it's spit, but most things that are coming out your anus have gone in through your mouth anyhow.
posted by clever anonymous username at 2:38 PM on December 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Since adopting the Indian method, I have never ever at all experienced track marks noway nohow. Since making the change to the side of righteousness, the thought of not rinsing my ass with water after a poop now strikes me as repulsive, and toilet paper seems like a device designed for cretins and boors.
posted by Meatbomb at 2:44 PM on December 13, 2010

If you're not up to installing a bidet, get yourself a lota - the cheap man's bidet. It's basically a receptacle with spout, shaped like a watering can. There are metal ones and plastic ones, even ikea sells lotas! For lotas are designed to help with the runs. It is not a watering can. It is so, so much more. If you feel self conscious when people ask you why you keep watering cans in the bathroom, you can always add a few plants to keep questions at bay. My dad added plastic plants when we got tired of explaining to our friends why we kept watering cans in every bathroom. ["beta, the lota is nothing to be ashamed of! it is wondrous when you go bathroom. no one in our family has dirty dirty bumbum!"] Or, you can share with them this ancient secret from the East.
posted by raztaj at 3:13 PM on December 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

I think the bidet suggestions are a little extreme. I've gotta say that I'm 99% sure this is hair-related.
1) Trim your butt hair. Use electric clippers.
2) If that doesn't work completely, also get wipes.
posted by elpea at 3:26 PM on December 13, 2010

Wet wipes. The Prep-H ones mentioned above are really nice.
I can't get behind (har, har) the recommendation that you just get darker underwear. Poo smells. Walking around with poo on your underpants is not good. You may not see it on your cleverly camouflaged drawers but it's quite possible that you or your acquaintances will still smell it. And now, I'm really concerned about the fact that all of my husband's underwear is black. What is he hiding from me?
posted by otherwordlyglow at 3:41 PM on December 13, 2010

When I started a low carb diet this problem completely went away. And the odor is almost gone, too. Check out the book New Atkins For A New You.
posted by conrad53 at 3:47 PM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Just an FYI: I've read that the so-called flushable wipes aren't necessarily so. I guess it depends on how good your plumbing is.
posted by deborah at 3:57 PM on December 13, 2010

1. Nthing the psyllium. The bulking action causes the stool to be fully formed inside your colon and ready for complete delivery in one discrete unit that does not need to be "pinched off", leaving no residue on the...exit.

2. Nthing bidet.

3. Fold up a few pieces of toilet paper and wad them in your cheeks once you're done, and keep 'em in there until your next bathroom visit.

4. Nthing dark underwear.
posted by holterbarbour at 4:11 PM on December 13, 2010

If you are wiping your anus until nothing comes off on the TP, you should not be getting skid marks. SEE YOUR DOCTOR ASAP to make sure you are not developing bowel incontinence due to a treatable medical condition such as anal cancer, diabetes, or IBD. Some medications can also cause bowel incontinence, so when you see your doctor, bring the bottles (not just a list) of all the prescription and over-the-counter medications, vitamins, and supplements you take. Meanwhile, reduce the fat in your diet, avoid all dietary fat substitutes, abstain from anal sex, and wear dark underwear.
posted by fernabelle at 4:15 PM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Fold up a few pieces of toilet paper and wad them in your cheeks once you're done, and keep 'em in there until your next bathroom visit.

That seems like a recipe for anal irritation to me, and anal irritation is often a cause of hemorrhoids. Skidmarks are preferable to hemorrhoids in my book!
posted by Sidhedevil at 4:17 PM on December 13, 2010

Also, even if hermitosis is right about skidmarks being an anti-aphrodisiac (which I'll stipulate because what do I know after all these years of being married), someone having toilet paper in their ass feels like even more of an anti-aphrodisiac.

To me, that is. I'm not judging if that's somebody's thing, you understand.
posted by Sidhedevil at 4:19 PM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Crap in the morning before you take a shower.
Also wear dark underwear...

One of the few things my father taught me as a child...
posted by Redmond Cooper at 4:22 PM on December 13, 2010

Fold up a few pieces of toilet paper and wad them in your cheeks

Or just wad up one piece and park it in there, a technique I've used occasionally to keep my tighty-whities like new -- but it's hopeless, eventually (usually due to the aformentioned sharting) I have a little accident -- but so what? As Sidhedevil and others have pointed out, that's what undies are for. But I'd dearly love for way more Washlets to appear here in the States -- grinding fecal matter into the nether orifice with soft paper is so barbaric.
posted by Rash at 4:34 PM on December 13, 2010

deborah: "Just an FYI: I've read that the so-called flushable wipes aren't necessarily so. I guess it depends on how good your plumbing is."

They're supposedly not all that great for septic systems either. We have septic, and decided to chance continuing to use them after consulting with our septic system repairman. But it's definitely something to think about.

Anyway, the lota reminded of another tip from my ob after childbirth: Keep a small squirt bottle close by. Fill it with some warm water and squirt your troubles away. Also useful for work or public places, or if you don't have time to shower.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 4:37 PM on December 13, 2010

I kind of relish the opportunity to say YES OMG cotonelle wipes!! I'm not hairy or poopy but they do nice things for me anyway. They were mentioned on an episode of Law and Order recently (they got DNA off a "feminine hygiene wipe") so you know they've really arrived. Also a perk: putting "asswipes!!!!!" on the grocery list.

And think about going for a bidet or Japanese toilet someday.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:40 PM on December 13, 2010

nthing baby wipes
posted by notned at 4:41 PM on December 13, 2010

Hm. "A friend" used to have this problem, and also with having to use way more TP than seemed reasonable. This friend figured maybe it was related to the pooping technique. He switched from a relaxed, let it ooze out strategy to a more knees-out, glutes flexed, high pressure nozzle method. Problem solved. Coincidence? Would need more data to find out, and it's not exactly the thing you ask around the office.
posted by ctmf at 5:02 PM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Also sit up straight, so the projectile trajectory is less toward the area of higher hair density.
posted by ctmf at 5:06 PM on December 13, 2010

This is all interesting opinion, but seriously, the answer is psyllium fiber. The Wipeless Poo.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 5:23 PM on December 13, 2010

Butt wipes (aka, baby wipes or personal hygiene wipes). You might need to use a few with along with toilet paper.
posted by wandering_not_lost at 9:08 PM on December 13, 2010

Wax.

A good butt wax will give you a feeling of freedom that you've never experienced before (and may just require you to wear long underwear if you live somewhere in the frigid north).

If you do opt for waxing, bear in mind that the wax job should last somewhere between 3-8 weeks, depending on how fast your hair grows. Also, you must exfoliate or you'll get some wicked ingrown hairs. OTOH, the men I've known who do this really enjoy it (the after, not the during) and it completely eliminates skidmarks in addition to making sexytime funner.
posted by arnicae at 9:52 PM on December 13, 2010

Butt kegels, anyone???
posted by fernabelle at 10:12 PM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

If you wipe standing up, switch to sitting down. I've heard it helps.
posted by tehloki at 10:30 PM on December 13, 2010

Tucks are designed to be tucked twixt the cheeks and are hella less irritatering than a wad of TP. Use after wet-wiping or bideting. They help absorb them drizzley poots.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 12:44 AM on December 14, 2010

Psyllium, psyllium, psyllium, psyllium, psyllium!

Two teaspoons of psyllium husk mixed with your breakfast cereal, and another two in a large glass of water after supper, will cause your shit to stick to itself instead of everything else.
posted by flabdablet at 2:56 AM on December 14, 2010

Top 10 ask.mefi thread ever if anonymous solves his problem. Nthing baby wipes.
posted by jasondigitized at 5:07 PM on December 14, 2010

The rectum (last few inches of the intestines) is self-cleaning. Even if you perfectly clean your anus and butt-crack, over the next several minutes to few hours after a poop, remnants in the rectum will be moved by cilia out the anus. If you sweat, it will become less viscous, more messy...

Whenever you feel "not clean", take a moment to stop by a restroom, and wipe.

And, of course, if you are hairy, hair in your crack makes it much harder to clean down there. Shave every week or two, but follow up with some skin cream or hair conditioner, to prevent raw skin and itching that day. I do this regularly. It helps.


From what my male friends tell me, it's much harder, in fact sometimes physically impossible, for the male to wipe thoroughly down there because of the equipment that's in the way.

Melismata, your male friends are either having you on, or all severely physically disabled.
posted by IAmBroom at 11:10 AM on December 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

Agreed. I for one have no trouble lifting my equipment out of the way.
posted by Rash at 1:07 PM on December 15, 2010

Thirded. But one need not manually hoist one's frontlies; rather one can hoist the entire self by exerting a downward force on the feet and straightening somewhat at the knee. Because the usual anatomical arrangement has the solid waste disposal unit located in the rear, the hygiene delivery system can quite easily originate unimpeded from that direction, thereby requiring nothing more for the vastly superior aftward method of paper delivery than a simple, repeated pulling motion.

And also, you don't gotta stick your hand in a toilet or nothin'.
posted by Sys Rq at 6:05 PM on December 15, 2010