a ten year slump
November 8, 2010 11:41 AM Subscribe
my wife and i are approaching the ten year mark in our relationship, and with that comes a bit of sexual boredom. we have tried many new things, but the problem appears to be more disposition than lack of creativity.
we are not very well off financially, so going down to the local sex therapist is not an option. we are simply looking for some inexpensive/free (books, blogs, etc.) suggestions that may change minds.
can anyone help?
If you're at all inclined towards things even vaguely kinky, you may find useful inspiration on fetlife. There's even a "people from metafilter on fetlife" group.
posted by rmd1023 at 11:50 AM on November 8, 2010
posted by rmd1023 at 11:50 AM on November 8, 2010
Your local public library has books about sex and relationships (the ones with dirty pictures in them, however, may have gone missing).
posted by box at 11:51 AM on November 8, 2010
posted by box at 11:51 AM on November 8, 2010
Get in shape.
It's the male equivalent of a makeover, and women tend to respond to it sexually. I have read differing opinions on whether this works because the woman is more attracted to the man, or if the woman uses it as a defense mechanism because she worries the man is going to attract other women, or because the man has an increase in testosterone, but any way it does work.
Plus you can spin it as you are just trying to get healthy - maybe a New Year's Resolution.
If you need a place to start, Couch to 5K is a good option.
posted by I am the Walrus at 11:57 AM on November 8, 2010 [4 favorites]
It's the male equivalent of a makeover, and women tend to respond to it sexually. I have read differing opinions on whether this works because the woman is more attracted to the man, or if the woman uses it as a defense mechanism because she worries the man is going to attract other women, or because the man has an increase in testosterone, but any way it does work.
Plus you can spin it as you are just trying to get healthy - maybe a New Year's Resolution.
If you need a place to start, Couch to 5K is a good option.
posted by I am the Walrus at 11:57 AM on November 8, 2010 [4 favorites]
Rekindling Sexual Desire.
this guy is real good. fixed me up personally. Bet his books are good too. guy has dozens of them.
posted by Ironmouth at 1:34 PM on November 8, 2010
this guy is real good. fixed me up personally. Bet his books are good too. guy has dozens of them.
posted by Ironmouth at 1:34 PM on November 8, 2010
With reservations, I recommend a book called Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. The concepts and suggestions are great, but it's badly written and very hard to read. If you're good at skimming, pick out the basics and then try out the very simple methods. I hate to even call them methods, because they're so sensible.
Schnarch says that it's absolutely normal for most married couples to loose passion and romance. He says it happens because the partners compromise too much, avoid conflict, and lose a lot of their separate identities. It happens in thousands of little ways that add up to boredom and lack of spark -- not just sexually, but throughout the relationship.
My husband and I went to a Schnarch workshop, and it made an incredible difference in our marriage.
posted by wryly at 1:42 PM on November 8, 2010 [1 favorite]
Schnarch says that it's absolutely normal for most married couples to loose passion and romance. He says it happens because the partners compromise too much, avoid conflict, and lose a lot of their separate identities. It happens in thousands of little ways that add up to boredom and lack of spark -- not just sexually, but throughout the relationship.
My husband and I went to a Schnarch workshop, and it made an incredible difference in our marriage.
posted by wryly at 1:42 PM on November 8, 2010 [1 favorite]
I came here to recommend Passionate Marriage, too. But funnily enough, I liked Snarch's writing! Not enough to finish every last page of the book, but I didn't find it off-putting or badly written at all. Good luck and you two should be very proud of your brave choice to deal with this issue in a healthy way!
posted by lagreen at 2:14 PM on November 8, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by lagreen at 2:14 PM on November 8, 2010 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
So perhaps you might want to expand your research to resources that will help you reconnect as a couple in other areas?
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 11:48 AM on November 8, 2010 [3 favorites]