Advice for Sleeping Beauty with Atrophied Wings
October 28, 2010 10:44 PM Subscribe
Older women, younger men; is there hope for a sleeping beauty?
posted by sleeping beauty to Human Relations (25 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a 45-year-old single woman. An anomaly to be sure in my world, as I've not married so far and am a heterosexual, attractive, relationship-wired woman. I've dated a lot, but I'm holding out for a happy, sustainable connection and I've not experienced that to date.
Sparing you the details, I've "awakened" from a long night of sleep and here I am, Ms. Rip Van Winkle, feeling like I'm just blooming and discovering life in my own skin....and honestly, just hitting my sexual peak and experimenting (feeling like most people feel in their teens and twenties, maybe early thirties....) Wishing my body were still 23.
But I am 45. Middle-aged. It all feels strange and awkward. I wish I was swimming along with others doing the same thing as me. But I'm not.
So, I'm like this lovely, odd bird freed from a cage, but with slightly arthritic wings and a self-conscious lack of flying experience (no doubt hindered further by harsh criticism from my last boyfriend). Honestly, I feel, sexually, like a big dork. Mostly because I've not had supportive, intimate experiences with patient men seeking more than just an orgasm from me.
I regularly am guessed to be in my late twenties and early thirties and I'm in good shape. I'm active and alive and more passionate about life than ever. But, I find that the men who share the energy and passion level I have are in their late twenties and thirties, 10-20 years younger than I.
I'm developing a complex about being 45 when younger men show interest in me. If I tell them my age up front, it quashes the interest right away, so I stopped that practice. If I wait and they spend any time with me, the realization hits them with just a bit of conversation. When they realize I'm significantly older, they seem to lose interest.
I'm frustrated that men seem to have little trouble dating women 10-20 years their junior, but women don't have a serious chance (aside from the "hey, I'm a cougar and I'll teach you what the young girls don't know" meaningless sex). Of course, there's Ashton and Demi, but now Ashton's getting restless, too.
I'd love to hear from anyone in an older woman/younger man (by at least 10 years) successful relationship -- lasting longer than a few years. Do they exist?
Also, insightful MetaFilter friends, I need help with this complex, to overcome a lack of confidence this strange place of life is bringing out (and yes, I've done some counseling around it). I just want to fly free.