So...how about them Bears?
October 18, 2010 8:49 PM Subscribe
I need to start calling my mom more often. We are not close. We are both bad at small talk. What the heck do we talk about?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (31 answers total) 23 users marked this as a favorite
Generally my dad is the point of contact (he'll call me, I'll call him--not often, 2-3 times a month), and I'll talk to my mom, too, if they're in the room together. I call my mom for holidays/birthdays. My mom has called me maybe (maybe) 10 times in the last 6 years since I moved away. We don't hate each other, but we haven't had a nurturing mother-daughter relationship since I was a small child. I am not looking for one.
When I was talking to her this weekend she requested I call her more often. (Of course I said she could call me any time, but she doesn't want to bother me, etc.) I have no problem calling her more often, except that we have nothing to talk about. Covnersations are usually filled with long, awkward gaps.
It would be easier to chat if I had more stuff going on in my life, but I don't. I am unemployed and have been unsuccessfully job-searching for a while, and spend my days, well, job searching. I have never felt comfortable talking to her about my relationships, so other than boyfriend-is-well, that's all on that front. I am not planning to get married any time soon, I am not planning to procreate any time soon. She is fine with both of these things, thankfully, but I point it out to show that I have either 1) nothing good to talk about or 2) only bad news. I have a lot of crafty hobbies (most of which have been put on the back burner due to my current lack of funds), but sometimes when I talk about those I get, "that's nice, but you should be spending that time your job search."
Generally I let her vent about her job, we talk about whatever stupid thing my brother has done recently, my grandma's health (which is a sticky subject, since my grandma and I had a falling out a little over a year ago because my boyfriend's not white enough for her--a whole separate drama entirely), and, well, not a whole lot else.
**You can skip to here if you don't want to read all of that.**
I can't believe I'm actually asking this, but my question is:
What do you talk to your mom about?
Or, you need a broader question, what do you talk about with relatives you're not particularly close to? I need a list of topics!
If it matters, I am in my mid 20s, she's in her late 50s. We live very far apart, so all communication is by phone.
And please, guys, don't recommend counseling or therapy for us. I realize we have an "unhealthy" relationship, but neither of us are interested in being close with each other--it just doesn't work with our personalities. All I want is to have something to talk about so that when we do talk it's not as boring/awkward.