Another break up: maybe it is a special snow flake. You know how almost everyone tells you the no contact rule after a break up? Well, I didn't follow that. I need your help
So four months ago, my then boyfriend and I broke up after four months. I was in the middle of insecurity/anxiety attack and I decided to break up and he agreed since we've been fighting. This
is the breakup story, it's long.
We still talked/hung out after that, and I finally told him we shouldn't. We had no contact for maybe 2 weeks. He found out I was about to leave out of state and we started hanging out again. We slept together a couple times.
The last time we hung out, a day before I was supposed to leave, I asked him if he still loved me and he said yes (It was 4 am and I was inebriated. He wasn't.) We only made out/other stuff, but no sex. I don't know why, but it didn't feel like goodbye. It just felt intense.
He has admitted that he's not over me, but he still wants to be friends. He feels like once he loses people, he never gets them back (for real, that's what he said). He also continues to say how he only accepts this friendship, and it's just for now. He said he doesn't feel that way anymore before he said that stuff. I just get really frustrated because our conversations get dragged on about friendship. I'm flattered, but I don't think I feel that way. And I also don't want to believe him.
The thing is, I want to move on. I want to get over him. But I also want to be friends. I don't want to get in a big ball of anxiety every time he doesn't reply or when some girl posts on his Facebook or when I think about all the girls he could be talking to. I don't feel as miserable when I don't talk to him. Sometimes, I feel angry. Sometimes, I just don't care. I can't tell the difference if I'm over him, or our friendship just kinda sucks. And call me a bitch/whore now, I'm bored, that's why I like talking to him (and hanging out with him, when we were in the same state).
I need help. I want to remain friends (because of his wishes and I will admit I'm lonely) but I also want to get over him, whatever that means. I feel that maybe I'm being too nice. I talk to him because I don't like feeling lonely, but it has also brought up some problems. Has anyone gone through this? What should I do? How do I move on when I broke all the break up 'rules'?