October 8, 2012 5:16 AM Subscribe
My ex-lover and "best friend" blocked me on Facebook and I'm having a hard time dealing with it.
posted by girlmightlive to Human Relations (37 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
Of course this is about much more than Facebook.
Earlier this year I started sleeping with a friend of mine (We are both in our late twenties). We slept together for several months, hung out as friends, and became close, though we weren't exclusive.
Towards the end of summer a girl he had been interested in for a while broke up with her boyfriend and my friend decided he wanted to see her exclusively. I was, of course, disappointed that we were ending our sexual relationship and things were a bit awkward for awhile. I didn't know how to act around him. One day, when I knew I was going to see him later that night at a party, I wrote a card to him saying that I couldn't pretend I wasn't still attracted to him, but I didn't want to get in the way of his new relationship, that I loved him and I wanted him to be happy. He read it and he gave me a big hug and things seemed good between us.
But things weren't good with his new girlfriend. He would call me, text me, and come over to my apartment to ask advice on how to deal with their issues. I would give him my best advice, and he would thank me enthusiastically. He would say he couldn't confide in her the way he could with me, that I didn't judge him, that he loved me and I was his best friend.
He told me he told his new girlfriend about our relationship. He also told me that she found the card I wrote him and got upset about me.
One night he texted me about the three of us hanging out. I responded but he never responded back. Later he told me that that's because his girlfriend got mad at him for texting me.
His girlfriend is working overseas for a couple months. My friend and I hung out one night and he said he didn't trust her and thought he should break up with her. Again, I gave him my best advice. Later that night we had sex. I told him it wasn't a good idea but we did it anyway.
One evening I was hanging out with him and two mutual friends. Someone, not me, brought it up that I was feeling jerked around and confused by him. My friend demanded we talk about this even though I told him it was not the time or place (we were in public and had been drinking). He said he made a huge mistake sleeping with me that last time and that he loved his girlfriend. Eventually, I told him that I was worried that when his girlfriend came back to town I wouldn't see him anymore, that we wouldn't be friends. He promised me that we would still be friends. He told me he would break up with his girlfriend if he could no longer be friends with me.
Things got teary and awkward, but when we parted that night I thought we were on decent terms and could possibly revisit things when we were in a better, sober state of mind. I still wanted to tell him that if he wanted to actually be friends he needed to treat me better, match his actions with his words, and figured we could have that conversation another day.
The next day, he blocked me on Facebook.
I realize that he probably just doesn't want to deal with it anymore, but not knowing for sure is driving me crazy. I want to contact him but I know that's not a good idea. We have lots of mutual friends and live two blocks away from each other. (I hang out with his roommate as well, who refuses to talk to me about any of this.) I'm worried about how to act if we run into each other. I wonder every day if I'm going to hear from him. I go from being extremely pissed off at him to missing him.
I'm trying to keep busy and exercise, but I would like some perspective on how to deal with the uncertainty of everything, or things I should be telling myself. He's treated me like a used tissue, I know that, but it's still hard. Thanks for any advice you can give.