Why am I going crazy waiting for a proposal?
August 18, 2010 2:25 PM Subscribe
We know we want to get married. We have a general idea of when. But I'm going crazy waiting for the proposal. Help?
posted by anonymous to human relations (41 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend and I have been together for several years. We were very serious from the start, recognizing that something was different about our relationship. We're planning to get married before some major career / education decisions and a possible move occur next fall.
But he hasn't asked yet. I know this sounds ridiculous, because we've talked about it and agreed that we want to get married. But we come from a fairly traditional culture (obviously not too traditional as we're living in delicious, delicious sin at the moment) and it's important that he be the one to ask. Formally.
I don't need him to get down on one knee, and if a horse-drawn carriage is involved I may vomit. But I would like an actual, legit, formal proposal to occur. And he says it will, soon. But I am going absolutely nuts waiting. I feel tense and anxious, as if I'm on an extended audition. We've talked about it, and he says that's not the case and he just needs more time.
He's not saving up for a ring because we've agreed that it needs to be well within our means (and will therefore not involve a diamond). There's no biological clock ticking, I could care less about the wedding-as-my-big-day phenomenon. This is about the marriage that will result, not the wedding. I feel like I should say that twice: this is so not about a pretty white dress and cake.
There must be people who have been in this situation out there- you've agreed to get married, but are waiting for a traditional proposal. I'd love to hear both sides of the issue, particularly the male thought process between the "we're going to get married" discussions and the actual proposal. How long did you wait? What thoughts went through your head?
Pertinent details: hetero relationship, traditional religion, I am in my mid-twenties and he is in his early thirties, we've both had long-term relationships before but no living together or engagements, no kids.