How To Avoid Being A Casual Sex Casualty
July 3, 2010 6:49 AM Subscribe
Interested in having casual sex, but unable to pull the trigger on propositioning the guy(s) I have in mind. Are my doubts just nerves, or real hang ups? How do I approach these guys? And if you've had casual sex, how did you know it was/wasn't for you?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (27 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a mid twenties female whose been sexually active for about two years. I was a pretty late bloomer, lost my virginity at 23. Part of that was a lack of confidence in my own attractiveness, but I also wanted my first time to be really memorable and lovely. Never had any moral hangups about sex. Raised by sex-positive parents, have always had sex-positive friends. I believe as long as both people consent everything is roses.
Anyway, I fell in love two years ago and had a really wonderful time exploring sex with my new partner. Any vestiges of body anxiety were quickly shed. I learned how to get a guy off, how to get myself off better, how to come multiple times. I experimented with some mildly kinky stuff and liked it. I discovered I have a fairly voracious libido.
About four months ago the boy and I parted sadly but amicably. I am finally in a good place but due to logistical factors I can't pursue a serious relationship with anyone, which would be my preference. I will be in the place I'm currently living for a little over a month, though, and it seems reasonable to try and cultivate a safe, exciting fuckbuddy.
Despite being both ridiculously horny and excited by the idea of a friend with benefits, I've found myself hesitant when it comes to actually approaching men about this. There are several people in my town I believe are interested in me, all of whom I'm attracted to on some level. None I'm compatible with enough to date, but I'm not looking to date anyone. Still, I can't bring myself to proposition them, even though I'm pretty sure I'd be successful with at least one of them.
When I'm alone in my room, I think of these guys, groan at myself, and go fetch a vibrator. When I'm actually with them, the idea of being physically with them seems foreign and weird (but not bad) and I don't say anything at all.
So, a couple of questions:
1) Do you think that my hesitance to approach these guys is normal nerves, or is it perhaps a sign that I'm not cut out for casual sex? If you've had casual sex, how did you determine that it was (or wasn't) for you?
2) How should I proposition these guys? Try to be flirty and hope they'll get the picture? Just say, "I would like to fuck you occasionally, how does that sound?" Something in between? (One is an old friend but not a close friend; another is a roommate for the next month; a third is a guy via OKcupid.)
3) As someone who's only had sex in the context of a loving, intimate relationship, is there anything I should know about what casual sex is like?