Met a stranger I want. Should I, and how? Mildly NSFW Dear-Penthouse-style description and query inside, written by a young female person who is a little out of her element.
I am in need of an older sibling/Sassy Gay Friend who can advise me on how best to do what I'd really like to do, or tell me straight if I should not do it at all. God, this is long, sorry. Details are given in such depth because while this is new to me, I would like to see how it reads to someone more experienced.
I am a midtwenties girl who has lived in NYC for literally no more than a couple of weeks, and I'm still figuring out how to get around. A couple of days ago, I was standing outside a museum trying not to be too obvious about examining a subway map out to find out how to get to my next destination when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man going past. He had an attractive stride, so I glanced up for a better look. Gazes locked, pupils most likely dilated. He stopped short, looked me over admiringly, and headed right for me. After introducing himself and asking my name, he launched us into a flirtatious conversation, spiced with compliments. He was as interested as could be, and made sure I knew it. There was zero Pickup Artist weirdness from him, just good old-fashioned confidence and charm.
Interjection of explanation/backstory:
I'm absolutely not used to guys coming on strong with me. In the first place, I'm size 18 on a thin day, though of the "such a pretty face" type, meaning that I do find myself getting hit on with regularity (albeit rarely with such conviction), but the majority of guys aren't interested. Furthermore, when guys are into me, they tend to be the type who want me to take the lead, because outwardly I have a take-charge, self-assured manner that seems to appeal to boys who lean submissive. In actuality, although I'm strong, what I really want is someone even stronger. Experience is another issue. Being of repressed-sexy librarian temperament in addition to appearance, I have never accepted so much as a coffee date from any guy I didn't already know very well as a friend. Until recently, that worked for me, but since an emotionally brutal breakup a few months ago, I've been considering the appeal of having much less formal relationships and have checked out dating sites geared for such purposes. So far, I haven't taken up anyone's offer.
Now, add to this the fact that I have really only been mentally attracted to past partners; they were never guys in whom I would have been interested if they hadn't had amazing personalities. This one, in contrast, was very physically appealing to me (early thirties, well built, clean-cut, much taller than me, and smelled fantastic) and his personality based on our conversation is, well, exactly what I would want for an encounter of a casual-ish type (intelligent, extremely confident, teasing but not rude, daring but not offensive... and with more than a suggestion of the forcefulness that I can so rarely find in guys I like and which drives me wild). I'm not this girl
, but I share her tastes and then some.
Back to the other day... we chatted for a while, and he asked if he could take me out sometime this week. A little overwhelmed by his interest and being, as stated above, really unused to this type of thing, I said I'd need to think about it, but gave him my number. And then he said, less than half-jokingly, that since there was a chance we wouldn't meet again, he didn't think he could let me leave without a kiss. Coming from most other men I've met, this would have caused me to make a break towards the museum security guard, but in this case I was into it and he could definitely tell. So, Reader, I did kiss him. And then after a few stops and starts, because my brain was trying to remind me that hello, you are Not This Kind of Girl, not with a stranger in broad daylight on a public street, hormones took over and we basically began making out right then and there and it was shockingly good. I was feeling apologetic towards the passers-by at first but sort of stopped caring after a few minutes. Then he said something to the effect of being more than okay with delaying going out, and heading in instead. I admitted it sounded just fine right then but that I needed to think it over after I cleared my head, and he had no problem with that and we went back to the making out. It was shortly very apparent that he was turned on, in fact ready to go, and by the end of it, so was I. During the course of our impromptu curbside tryst, he actually did
lightly tug on my hair (holy hell) and murmur a few things that left me in little doubt that we had some overlapping interests in regards to specific bedroom activities. We eventually made it to goodbye, I said I'd call, and since then have gotten some flirty but nonpressuring texts.
- My temporary roommate situation makes it impossible for me to bring any guy home, and I wouldn't be okay with going to his place until we knew each other better.
- Because of this, I was thinking I'd offer to split the cost of a hotel? Alternative suggestions welcome.
- I'm on the pill, had the hpv shot, and would not pass go if he indicated condoms were unwelcome (and would bring my own to be sure).
- I'm not interested in anything romantically serious and am fine with the fact that he's probably hooking up with many other girls; my only thing is ensuring my physical safety during and after.
- Because I am new to the city and due to my situation before coming here, I do not have a single person who could function as an effective safecall. This is actually the point that gives me the most pause, because I'm not sure how to get around it.
So, patient mefites, should I go for it with this sexy not-exactly-a-
gentleman? If so, how do I do it as safely as possible? I would be regretful if I had to tell him no thanks, but if that's the smartest thing to do, then okay. I feel 100% good about the encounter we did have, even though I would never in a billion years have expected either it, or my response to it. Anonymail at email@example.com.