I need some help finding balance. I've gone through a number of changes in my life lately, and it's been amazing. But the changes have caused my work life to suffer, and I've just taken on a new job, so this is not a good time. Anxiety, exercise, confidence, and a loss of balance all come into play here... I need some help putting it all together.
This will be a bit scatter shot, so bear with me a bit.
I dealt with anxiety for a very long time, never quite realizing it until reading a lot about it here on AskMefi. I went to my doctor, talked about it, and in May of this year I started on Cipralex.
To say it's made a huge difference in my life is a huge understatement. It's helped me manage my anxiety to an incredible degree, and helped my self confidence enormously. How I project myself to people has changed a lot, and my confidence in social situations has been fantastic.
A bit before I started on the anxiety meds, I started working out with a personal trainer. I have made some changes to my diet, and cut out smoking pot. I've lost about 20 lbs since then, but still have a ways to go. I have been off training at the gym for about a month now (I went on vacation for a week, then had two weeks of company training, so my schedule was crazy).
These two changes have made my social life much more interesting - girls are interested in me, I'm having a lot of fun going out, and things I would dread before have become reasons to get excited. I never know what's going to happen. It's... amazing, exciting, occasionally frustrating in a good way, and just generally I feel like a real man for the first time in my life.
But this has seriously thrown off my work. I just recently got a huge promotion, to a job that gives me a lot of independence and in many ways has me running my own business (I manage a portfolio of clients).
The demands of me for this new job are significant, I have a lot of courses that I need to complete on my own, and still have to keep bringing in money.
And I'm not. I'm going out all the time, I've come to work hungover too many times and it makes my whole day hell. My productivity sucks right now.
But when I get home at the end of the day, and my phone rings and someone wants to do something, I WANT TO DO IT. It's fun, it's hard to say no, especially because in so many ways this is all new and exciting for me.
How do you get the balance back? I feel like I should be taking advantage of my new confidence and success with girls, but if my work life falls apart, god knows where I'll be.
If it helps, I'm 27, male, and have probably only dated like 3 or 4 times in my life before this, and never had any real relationships because of the anxiety and confidence issues.
posted by anonymous to human relations (10 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
Your excitement reminded me of when I first got to college. Far away from parents and rules, and every evening just full of people to hang out with and things to do. Missing the morning classes, getting to the library still hung over - good times. After all the repression of my high school and home, I just couldn't find any good reason not to indulge myself (I was discovering who I was, after all!). It's an awesome, heady feeling.
Except you're not in college anymore. I'm going to assume that slacking off and getting fired or demoted are things that you do not even want to consider, let alone rationalize. But that's kind of what you're doing. You yourself have laid out the connections between your socializing and work problems. So just realize, and accept, that "I WANT TO DO IT" is not a good enough reason to get into a situation which will have bad consequences the next day. Your company doesn't care about your personal history. You know that, right?
You have reasons, of course - everything you said in the post indicates how much you want this. All I'm saying is that they aren't legitimate reasons to damage your career. They aren't grown-up reasons. You're on a trip right now, and you need to stop being on this trip and look at this realistically to figure out how you can make both parts of your life work. Look at it this way: this is just the beginning. You're only 27; you have the rest of your life to do whatever you want. Pace yourself.
In that sense maybe this is a delayed growing up. Since you never faced these particular challenges before (due to other challenges), you're having a hard time finding a fulfilling balance. Saying no to people is also part of that challenge, and in my opinion it's a hard one. But you took charge of your earlier challenges and came out on top - you made yourself happier. You can do it again. And it's as worthwhile this time as it was then.
Look back on the short but significant history of your socializing. Make a rule about how many days a week you can go out. Make a rule about how much you can drink on a weeknight. Your new friends will understand; they're adults too. If you fuck up, don't beat yourself up. Learn from it, and get right back to following your own sensible adult rules.
There's really no other way, I think you know that. And it seems hard right now, but it will get easier - you know that too.
posted by mondaygreens at 1:15 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]