What can today's fat man do for tomorrow's fit man?
November 23, 2009 3:59 PM Subscribe
Is it possible to ask someone out several months in advance? I've met someone great, but I've met them too soon!
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (54 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
Timing is everything, and I've managed to meet someone fantastic several months prematurely. She's kind and curious and beautiful and there's some attraction and chemistry between us that I'm botching because I like her so much that I'm a complete nervous wreck. And the thing that's making me nervous, the thing that prevents me from just making a move and asking her out properly has an expiration date.
My anxiety-from-attraction problem is actually a weight problem, in that I'm just fat enough to not really be a genuinely viable dating option, and I'm so revolted by the current state of my body that, even if a woman is honestly telling me that I turn her on, I'm incapable of believing her. The solution, obviously, is to lose the weight and I've been working on it long enough to have my fatness on the run, to have it contained to a few final key areas. In about a year - perhaps as soon as midsummer, even - I should be down to my goal weight.
If I had a time machine, I'd fix so it so that I hadn't met this girl until then. Because while I love spending time with her, while there's always this gentle flirty undercurrent to our interactions, while there's reason upon reason to believe that she and I would be a good match, I'm just not ready to make a move. When we hang out, the embraces and little touches and lingering looks she gives me, which should be a thrill, make me tense instead because those are all excellent ways for her to gather more evidence of my flabbiness. I feel so strongly about this girl that I don't want to expose her to my anxiety-tainted affections and I don't want to make her contemplate embracing the flabby mess that I am today. I've got to lose the last of my fatness to be the kind of guy she deserves.
But midsummer or next year is a long way off, and having this secret is really messing me up around her. Just yesterday she was lobbing all these softballs and asking one leading question after another and I botched the whole interaction. The conflict between my attraction to her and the strength of this mental block I've got going leave me a nervous, stammering mess in her presence. I feel like I gotta get this off my chest or make some kind of move or something soon, but not with this body. But the time it'll take to escape this body is plenty of time for my awkwardness to torpedo this relationship or for her to meet someone else and get serious with him.
How should I navigate this situation? Is there any way to tell someone that you're dying to ask them out but can't do it until you've got your weight problem handled? Would it just be the weirdest thing in the world to tell someone that you like them so much you can hardly stand it, but you're not going to act on it for months? Is there any way to make her not think of dating me, but me minus this last fifty pounds? Would it be creepy or flattering to find out that taking you out was the goal driving a friend's last push to get into shape? I'm so glad we met, but now is the worst time! What should I do?
(in case it's needed for any reason, firstname.lastname@example.org is my throwaway gmail for this question)