Best friend's girlfriend hates me
October 18, 2009 10:59 PM Subscribe
My best friend's new girlfriend hates me for no reason.
posted by cheesecake to human relations (21 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a woman with a male best friend "Mike". We were college friends, and then worked at the same company for ten years. We confide in each other, and have supported each other through ups and downs. There's no romantic history. He's like a brother to me.
Mike started dating a new woman six months ago. They have a very passionate relationship.
Everything was fine until Mike, his girlfriend, a few mutual friends, and I went on a week-long trip together. By the second day, Mike's girlfriend became very rude to me. Throughout the rest of the trip, she spoke and acted rudely to me. Later I found out that she spent a long time every day badmouthing me to Mike in private, arguing and crying for hours. At one point, she had a realization that she was being unfair to me by projecting bad traits onto me. Unfortunately, this didn't change her behavior, and she continued to blow up unpredictably over imagined insults.
Mike apologized to me afterwards for her behavior. As we talked, he seemed sensitive about discussions of his relationship. He became agitated when he spoke about potentially breaking up with her. I thought he needed external encouragement, but that just made him defensive. Since then, Mike and I talk less than we used to. He avoids any mention of his girlfriend, and we instead talk about work and hobbies.
I'm wondering if this is a sustainable status quo. Mike and I both value our friendship. Should I tell him that I am happy to listen to him talk about his girlfriend? Should I back off and "wait out" the duration of their relationship? Should I try to reach out and invite both of them to events?