How can I look after me when I've wrapped up all I have with HER?
July 19, 2009 12:28 PM Subscribe
I'm almost 30. I'm unemployed. I may or may not be able to attend college this year. I am halfway across the country from my friends and family, can't move in with my parents, don't have a license, and I am going to have to divorce my wife of four years. Where do I start? (Warning: Long)
posted by anonymous to human relations (9 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I live in Texas in the DFW area. My wife is on permanent disability. My work experience is in web design and graphic design, but I'm completely self-taught. Lack of a degree has held me back from some better paying jobs. I've applied and been approved for "social economic circumstances" at this college, they just have to get it processed at the board of Education-- it's very likely that I'll be covered for the cost of tuition but I have no idea if I'll now receive a grant or be allowed to take out enough in loans to cover living expenses for a year.
After years of trying, joint thereaphy, talking , begging, pleading, it's becoming clear that we're just not right for each other. Close friends have repeatedly pointed out I'm in an emoptionally toxicc situation, and I'm finally frustrated enough that as much as I love my wife and as afraid as I am of losing what little I have left, we are going to have to get a divorce.
We have a joint checking account. Were are living on a fixed income right now-- her on disability and myself on unemployment benefits while I look for work. Our saving have been wiped out by both economic hardship and ,medical bills on her end last year. We share a house with two other adults (also both an disability), and said adult's step children. I moved to TX 4 years ago to be with my wife. Her mother passed away two years ago, and aside from her brother, she doesn't keep in touch much with her family. The other housemates are very close with her. I have no family here other than my brother in law.
I don't have much to my name that's JUST mine. I have an ikea sofa-bed, a desktop computer system and what would work out to be several garbage bags of clothes. I have a newly-married friend of mine back where I come from NJ that I've known since high school that has offered me crash space in his basement till I can get on my feet, if need be, though I'd have to somehow move myself and my stuff UP there first.
There is a foreclosure on my credit rating from 4 years ago when we went upside down on the house we got right after we married and I was laid off/
I am sure that while we'd both want a divorce (she's been the one to suggest a divorce several times in our rocky relationship), it may be contentious. I have no money for a lawyer, and I know I'm going to be stuck living here in the house till we ca n afford the dicorce. Asking for a divorce is going to be painful enough. It's going to be painful even when it's something we both want. And even though we're sleeping in seperate rooms, we're by neccessity going to see each other a lot just in day to day activities in the house.
How can I start with this divorce? What checklist do I need to do (I've done my free credit check already)? How do I approach a lawyer with no money? And how can I help ME survive when I've wrapped up everything around her?
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