The relationship is not looking good, I'm trying to figure out if I can save this thing and if I can't, how the heck to get back into my own head and get her out of mine.
posted by Nighthawk3729 to human relations (30 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I've been going out with this girl for 8 months, she has just gotten her bachelors in art and has finished school. I have another year, but we had plans to teach in Asia and go to California afterwards together. About a week ago, she told me she had to reinvent herself and said she needed to be alone. We had been a bit shaky the past month or two, but there has been a lot of stress from the end of the semester work, her graduation and us both trying to find work. I started getting upset she didn't make time for me and I guess was getting more disappointed with her. I've been supportive of her, to the point where the people around her were telling her to thank me for what I've done for her. I'm pretty lost, we had planned a future together, I had not made a back up plan and I see her in everything I do, it really sucks. I've been trying to get out, see old friends, meet new people, exercise and try and get over things, but I'm so confused as to what made this happen? I was willing to go through the next year in a long distance relationship, and up until a few weeks ago, she had seemed to be on the same boat.
I don't know what happened, we had been fighting more, but that was with the stress of us both trying to find work, still, she wasn't making any time for me, I just wanted to talk sometime.
I figure I will call her and try to talk in about a month, I calmly told her I was willing to work on anything that would help us, she did not want to have to consider me if she wanted to do something. I walked away peacefully, but I wonder if I should have fought harder. I think she needs space, but I don't know if its going to work out. She was my first, but I tried not to make that a big focus. There are a lot of qualities I like about her, we share a similar sense of humor and have awesome conversation. There was a point I felt I would refer to her in my head as the female version of me. She has also confessed that she felt I was her equal, unprompted.
I don't want this to end, but I don't know what to do. We spent everyday with each other, slept in the same bed every night and shared classes. I think we just needed some space and figured it would get better when we got home, but we had a few fights and was too busy for me. I have things I have to do too, I just need to hear from her sometimes. I figure I will give her some space for a month, I've told her no contact, but I'm worrying this freeze out is hurting me a lot more then her, maybe I'm wrong.
Like I said, I'm trying to get out there, but I can't get her out of my head, if I'm not talking about her, I'm thinking about her. I go out every chance I get now, but I still get lost in my head even when I'm out. I'm asking everyone for advice, and I've heard everything from forgetting her completely to giving her some time. I'm going to try to meet new people, but I realized my confidence is shot and I don't actually remember how to meet people, I get a ton of approach anxiety now and I am worried I would drive anyone away that I meet by comparing them to her, as hard as I try not too. Like I said, we spent so much time together that I see her in everything.