To go or not to go?
June 1, 2009 3:24 PM Subscribe
Invitation question: Should I attend my assistant's upcoming bridal shower and/or wedding... when it's clear that she does not like me?
posted by GuffProof to human relations (39 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
My assistant (20 something female) is getting married. She's been planning forever and is enormously excited. I have received an invitation to her shower and a save-the-date pre-invitation to the actual wedding.
The problem- she seems to dislike me intensely.
I could go on and on about the backstory- her demeanor / behavior towards me and WHY I think that she doesn't like me... but that's a tangential topic for another day. Other than to say that it seemed to creep up gradually, no defining moment / big conflict or anything. Let's just take it as given.
(If it helps, I'm not the only one who thinks this. My boss recently witnessed her attitude towards me and was stunned- so much so that he went straight to her office to discuss it with her).
I'm quite sure that she only invited me because she thought she should. She is friends with several gals in the office and has invited all of them, so she might have feared that it would be career-damaging to exclude only her boss (me: 40 something female).
In the office, I try to remain professional and pleasant and focus on the work- she doesn't have to like me to be a good employee. But it is decidedly uncomfortable in 1 on 1 situations. Not to mention a wee bit hurtful.
So- should I go? To one, or to both? Or just send a card and gift?
There's the risk that if I do not go, she will feel snubbed and the chasm will widen. On the other hand, she might be relieved if I'm not there and uncomfortable if I am. I know that I would not be comfortable going to either.
My boss has weighed in that he thinks I should go, out of professional courtesy. Of course, he's already declined his invitation, so there's an example to follow.
If it matters... She's worked here about 8 months. She's not my administrative or personal assistant, she works under me in a department where I am the senior manager; there are about 30 people in the office altogether.
So. How big a deal this would be, go / don't go... Your thoughts are appreciated!